Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 This girl who i truely really like keeps crying over her BF and i just want to sit there and scream to her i am right here!! I know she likes me too but shes been with this loser for 2 years now and its hard to let go for her...anything i can do to help her out?
bigmanpayne Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 you dont want to be the rebound guy thats what you would be. probably wouldnt end up being anything too long term.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 you dont want to be the rebound guy thats what you would be. probably wouldnt end up being anything too long term. I think i just gotta takes the risk and do whats right
Suiyobi Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Sorry to say Brady but you're like in a no-win situation here. Think about it. If you allow this girl to do what she's doing right now then you could be seen as her "next girlfriend". You don't want that. But on the same token, if you tell her straight up that you don't want to hear about her issues then she could look at it as if you don't care about her at all. The irony of it all is that, depending on this girl's personality, doing either of two things could actually have a beneficial effect. For instance, if you allow this girl to cry over your shoulder then she'll see that you are a good person and might even consider you. Or, if you tell her straight up that you don't appreciate her talking about her boyfriend issues then that might help her come back to her senses. In the end, life is full of uncertainties. You never know what's gonna happen unless you act on it. It's your call dude...
xpaperxcutx Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 B, the last thing the poor girl needs is you chasing her. Accept the only man in her life right now is the bf, and she will not look at you in any other way other than a friend. She's glad that you're lending her a shoulder to cry on, although that makes you automatically her go-to friend. If her bf is the main reason she's crying then the only support you can offer her is that she deserves someone who will treat her better. You can convince her to leave him, but you can't convince her to be with you. Do you understand?
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 B, the last thing the poor girl needs is you chasing her. Accept the only man in her life right now is the bf, and she will not look at you in any other way other than a friend. She's glad that you're lending her a shoulder to cry on, although that makes you automatically her go-to friend. If her bf is the main reason she's crying then the only support you can offer her is that she deserves someone who will treat her better. You can convince her to leave him, but you can't convince her to be with you. Do you understand? I know i cant convince her to like me but i think she allready does...she always tells me how much shes misses me and wants me to visit every day which is a great thing to feel wanted since a girl has never really said this many good things about me....
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I don’t like the way you’ve gone about this. You have built up a friendship with the said girl while having an ulterior motive. I’d steer clear of someone who did that, because in reality you have used friendship as a stepping stone to getting with her. That my friend is a form of manipulation and it's not very witty either. Think about it, you go in now and you’ll lose her or you’ll be used as a rebound and will lose her in the end, you are in a no-win situation. Risk it, but you will lose the risk, mark my words. I know from experience. Moving in on a girl who is distraught after a break up is not a nonsensical idea, it also shows that you are a selfish man who is only interested in number one. Either way, none of the traits you have shown in this topic are what I’d associate with a “good guy”. Do what you feel is right. That's the only advice, I can offer you.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I am not trying to use friendships to try and get with her and no i dont care about sex....i told her the night i go back from seeing her that i liked her...how am i trying to munipulate her? Dont you have to become friends at first and learn about the person before you go out with them? Or looke them right in the eye when you meet them and say lets go out...that doesnt seem right at all
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I am not trying to use friendships to try and get with her and no i dont care about sex....i told her the night i go back from seeing her that i liked her...how am i trying to munipulate her? Dont you have to become friends at first and learn about the person before you go out with them? Or looke them right in the eye when you meet them and say lets go out...that doesnt seem right at all It might be my cynicism is kicking into overdrive, but from what I read it I got the impression you were friendship as a stepping stone to something more. There are men who will be friend a girl with the intention of pursuing and as friendship as leverage to a relationship or very least an FWB. I know this, because I did this once and it backfired, never again will I be that stupid. I’m pleased you aren’t doing that. It doesn’t work. No, you don’t be friend a girl in the vain hope something will develop, because you are only using friendship as a smokescreen and leverage and you are effectively manipulating her esp. if she confides and see’s your friendship as something worthwhile and special and all the time you are with her, offering her advice, not being that platonic friend. How do I get girls? I have the confidence to go upto a girl, strike up conversation, if things are going well and she seems friendly, I’ll ask her for her number, and suggest we meet up sometime. It’s honest, straight to the point and if she says no, then it’s no loss. It can take five minutes or an hour, it all depends. I even have the confidence to go up to a girl when she is with friends, I’ll strike up conversation with the girls and once I am in the crowd, I’ll focus my attention on the said girl. Does it always work? No, but does I spend less time milling around like an idiot? Yes. It becomes so easy to approach women, when you have confidence and get over the stigma of rejection.
EYECANDY000 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Do you really want to deal with someone who is an emotional wreck? What will you do if she decided to be with you , but crying about her ex to you? Thats gone have you having a lot of doubts about yourself, and your relationship. Trust me, thats not a good feeling. It seems like she has just gottern use to you being a shoulder to cry on , and that it. I sure you two are good friends, but thats all it should be. Dont persue anything with this girl. continue to be there for her as a friend and thats it.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Do you really want to deal with someone who is an emotional wreck? What will you do if she decided to be with you , but crying about her ex to you? Thats gone have you having a lot of doubts about yourself, and your relationship. Trust me, thats not a good feeling. It seems like she has just gottern use to you being a shoulder to cry on , and that it. I sure you two are good friends, but thats all it should be. Dont persue anything with this girl. continue to be there for her as a friend and thats it. But see i am not her shoulder...the only times she brings him up is when i ask about stuff like that...if we have a normal convo than we talk and playfully flirt....its werid how much me and her have in commen...have never had a girl like as much stuff as i do
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 But see i am not her shoulder...the only times she brings him up is when i ask about stuff like that...if we have a normal convo than we talk and playfully flirt....its werid how much me and her have in commen...have never had a girl like as much stuff as i do and she is very surprised as well....i know she knows that she i better off with me but i dont know if it will happen....but i have to be a friend to her right now...what shes going to call me and i wont talk to her anymore since shes not single? ANything can happen
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 But see i am not her shoulder...the only times she brings him up is when i ask about stuff like that...if we have a normal convo than we talk and playfully flirt....its werid how much me and her have in commen...have never had a girl like as much stuff as i do Why do you ask? It is of no concern or business of yours. Again, it seems like a ploy by you to get her to spill the beans so you’ll be that white knight of Gotham City. [Yes I am obsessed with the Dark Knight]. You’ll meet plenty of girls you have “so much in common with” and “get on with really well”. It doesn’t have to be here you know. I suggest you see what happens. I certainly wouldn’t home in on a girl who is recently out of a long term relationship and is more than likely still pining and hurting. But, you, sir are your own man, so do what you feel is right.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Why do you ask? It is of no concern or business of yours. Again, it seems like a ploy by you to get her to spill the beans so you’ll be that white knight of Gotham City. [Yes I am obsessed with the Dark Knight]. You’ll meet plenty of girls you have “so much in common with” and “get on with really well”. It doesn’t have to be here you know. I suggest you see what happens. I certainly wouldn’t home in on a girl who is recently out of a long term relationship and is more than likely still pining and hurting. But, you, sir are your own man, so do what you feel is right. I have to know a person for a while in order to ask them out...ive only been talking to her for a few months and would wait still a while even if she was single to make a move to make sure shes right....gotta be somewhat of a friend to do that
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I have to know a person for a while in order to ask them out...ive only been talking to her for a few months and would wait still a while even if she was single to make a move to make sure shes right....gotta be somewhat of a friend to do that Then you can expect to be friend-zoned by a lot of women. Dating is all about getting to know someone, getting a feeling of that person, seeing what they are like in different settings, seeing if there is chemistry there. Dating is all about having fun and seeing if you click with someone. I don’t see how you can get the same information by trying to forge a friendship to get to know the person. That is seriously bad logic and says to me that you lack confidence to grab the bull by the horns.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Then you can expect to be friend-zoned by a lot of women. Dating is all about getting to know someone, getting a feeling of that person, seeing what they are like in different settings, seeing if there is chemistry there. Dating is all about having fun and seeing if you click with someone. I don’t see how you can get the same information by trying to forge a friendship to get to know the person. That is seriously bad logic and says to me that you lack confidence to grab the bull by the horns. Most people i know are the same way....to talk to someone for a few weeks you have to be friends...i am all about meeting new people but i dont want to just cut everyone off becasue they arnt single...thats not right. Get to know someone before you date them Yea getting to know someone, diffrent settings everything you said takes time and alot of talking and weeks of being FRIENDS before you move one
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Most people i know are the same way....to talk to someone for a few weeks you have to be friends...i am all about meeting new people but i dont want to just cut everyone off becasue they arnt single...thats not right. Get to know someone before you date them Yea getting to know someone, diffrent settings everything you said takes time and alot of talking and weeks of being FRIENDS before you move one Tell me this, I have had three relationships doing things my way, how many long term relationships have you been in and how successful has your method been?
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Tell me this, I have had three relationships doing things my way, how many long term relationships have you been in and how successful has your method been? Well how can i stack up to the allmighty god? So getting to know someone and having them talk to you...what are they if you arnt dating and your not their friend? What the hell do you call that?
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Well how can i stack up to the allmighty god? That’s not answering my question is it? Has your method worked in the past?
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 That’s not answering my question is it? Has your method worked in the past? yea i got 2 dates waiting a while...when your saying that nothing else will work thats pretty naive. Tell me this, if you get to know a girl and you talk to her for a few days and you both like each other...what do you call that if thats not friends?
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 So getting to know someone and having them talk to you...what are they if you arnt dating and your not their friend? What the hell do you call that? I’ll explain this is the best English I can possibly muster, which isn’t much so bear with me. I’ll post a scenario for you here. I am single and I am sitting in a coffee shop reading a newspaper and I notice a very attractive girl sitting a few tables away from me. I notice she is alone and I manage to gain eye contact with her, I smile, she smiles back. I walk over to the table she sitting at and politely ask if I may sit down, if she says no, then I leave, if she says yes, I will sit down (duh!). I strike up conversation with her, starting with something simple like an outfit she is wearing, or whatever she is drinking or what she is reading. The conversation is going well (note I am not her FRIEND and we AREN’T DATING), I will ask if she would she like to go out sometime and if she says yes, I’ll exchange numbers with her). I will then arrange a date with her and we go. We have fun and get to know each other, we get to see if there is chemistry there and each date that goes by we find more about each other. Again we are not friends, but we are dating, friendships come naturally in relationships. Your SO in many cases becomes one of your closet friends as well as being your SO. That my logic and many other people’s logic. I see no sense in trying to befriend someone you are attracted and interested in. To me that’s like a self inflicted gun shot wound to the groin area.
LovehateLove Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 yea i got 2 dates waiting a while...when your saying that nothing else will work thats pretty naive. Tell me this, if you get to know a girl and you talk to her for a few days and you both like each other...what do you call that if thats not friends? You've had two dates or have two dates lined up? Fantastic, I have had a hell of a lot more dates and I have been in a few relationships including my current one where I have moved in with my SO and couldn't be happier. You are chasing someone who you befriended and that probably won't work out. It's called getting to know each other or as I like to call it; Acquaintances. You aren't dating, but you aren't friends, instead you are acquaintances.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 I’ll explain this is the best English I can possibly muster, which isn’t much so bear with me. I’ll post a scenario for you here. I am single and I am sitting in a coffee shop reading a newspaper and I notice a very attractive girl sitting a few tables away from me. I notice she is alone and I manage to gain eye contact with her, I smile, she smiles back. I walk over to the table she sitting at and politely ask if I may sit down, if she says no, then I leave, if she says yes, I will sit down (duh!). I strike up conversation with her, starting with something simple like an outfit she is wearing, or whatever she is drinking or what she is reading. The conversation is going well (note I am not her FRIEND and we AREN’T DATING), I will ask if she would she like to go out sometime and if she says yes, I’ll exchange numbers with her). I will then arrange a date with her and we go. We have fun and get to know each other, we get to see if there is chemistry there and each date that goes by we find more about each other. Again we are not friends, but we are dating, friendships come naturally in relationships. Your SO in many cases becomes one of your closet friends as well as being your SO. That my logic and many other people’s logic. I see no sense in trying to befriend someone you are attracted and interested in. To me that’s like a self inflicted gun shot wound to the groin area. But you cant sit there and tell me friends dont fall for one another. Those 2 dates were becasue i knew them for a while and thought i would give it a shot...My Mom and Dad were amazing friends before they started dating and alot of my college buddies were the same way...it goes both ways.. My roommate dated a girl who he was like best friends with and they are great together...whats the problem with that?
LovehateLove Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 But you cant sit there and tell me friends dont fall for one another. Those 2 dates were becasue i knew them for a while and thought i would give it a shot...My Mom and Dad were amazing friends before they started dating and alot of my college buddies were the same way...it goes both ways I've never said being friends doesn't lead to a relationship, in some cases it does, but a huge proportion of people do not befriend someone they are interested in -- in the vain hope they'll end up having feelings for them. I bet your Mom and Dad didn't intend to befriend each other in order to one day date one another. It happened naturally, over a period of time. It couldn't be more different to what you are doing. Your logic is about as sensible as Communism. But stick with what you know and feel comfortable with and I'll stick with mine.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 I've never said being friends doesn't lead to a relationship, in some cases it does, but a huge proportion of people do not befriend someone they are interested in -- in the vain hope they'll end up having feelings for them. I bet your Mom and Dad didn't intend to befriend each other in order to one day date one another. It happened naturally, over a period of time. It couldn't be more different to what you are doing. Your logic is about as sensible as Communism. But stick with what you know and feel comfortable with and I'll stick with mine. yeaaaaaaaaa....
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