Jordan51 Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I come to the community a very depressed person. I've lost 15 lbs, I cant eat, my sleep had been REALLY rocky and I need help! Here's the back-story its long but i would really appreciate if you people read it to give me good advice... I met my now ex-girlfriend about two years ago, she was my first TRUE girlfriend and made my life complete. When we first met she was a little hesitant to get into another relationship. She was really afraid of getting hurt again and because we connected so well she started having feelings for me. We took things very slow and eventually became official and were so happy together.... The first year was AMAZING we went on many trips and saw each other as often as possible. I was the first guy she ever went on a trip with alone overnight. We got really REALLY close and even talked about marriage and having kids around the one year mark. We were so deeply in love it was amazing, she would write me letters and emails saying how much she cared about me. We even survived six weeks without each other while I was on vacation and LITERALLY e-mailed each other every day. My life was perfect until recently.... The past five months were HELL for both of us. I was officially diagnosed with anxiety and had trouble going out as much as I used to. Because of this she would come over and we wouldn't do much of anything except lie down on my bed and watch TV. I could tell this really upset her a lot because she loved going out. I admit during this time I kept pushing her away due to my anxiety, she felt she was being taken for granted but I loved her with all my heart but it was hard to show it. I would make plans and she would get ready and come over only to find me sleeping or not wanting to go out but she still stuck with me and said she would always be by my side. Well lets fast forward a bit here... About a month and a week ago I decided this wasn't fair to her at all, she didn't deserve to cry this much over me. I told we should really, REALLY take a break while I get better but still technically be in a relationship. She agreed after balling for hours. The time we spent apart was hard for her but didn't seem to hard on me for some reason even though I cared about her. She would still call and we would talk and keep in touch. Well a week or so later I called her back and told her I had made a mistake and wanted her back, she told me she needed time to think it over. So she calls two days later and says she want to get back together and all was well.... until the next day. I was about to go to sleep and she calls me, I pick up to her saying "I need to be honest with you". "I'm attracted to another guy" it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. She said she would never date this guy but she liked spending time with him and also said she still loved me but if she felt that way it questioned our relationship. I immediately drove to her house and confronted her.. we yelled at one another for a while and she said she needed time to think but I was so mad and heartbroken that I didn't want to give her that time. She had said before that she never would break up with me unless I cheated on her and now the tables have turned, although it might technically not be cheating. She said they only went to a jays game and nothing else and that he has since moved and they don't talk anymore. Well we both got tired and decided to call it a night and discuss it the next day. Well the next day she called me and said "I cant do this anymore" I pleaded with her so much but nothing worked. I left work early and went to her house to discuss it, we talked for about 2 hours and she kept saying she needed space. We ended up fooling around at the end of the discussion but the answer was still SPACE so I went home. She sent me an email saying she still loves me and wants to get together on Friday so I accepted her request. My head was so clouded though and my judgement was off, I ended up buying her flowers and writing her a card. I called her that Thursday and she was quite mad I wasn't respecting her space, she again told me she cant do it anymore. I drove over to her houses and pleaded but nothing seemed to work. She couldnt even look at me when she spoke.... I asked her for a glass of water and as she went inside to get me one I looked at her phone and noticed the guy was texting her with stuff like "hey beautiful call me from home" but never really saw what she sent to him. She came back and I told her "theres another guy isnt there" she nodded and I became really angry. We sat down and talked again and she began crying and saying he doesn't even care about him and she was confused. We ended off on bad terms and I stormed off after she told me to leave her house. I was such a wreck, I sent her a message telling her i know she hates me but i still care about her. she said she didn't hate me at all and thought i hated her and also said she still cared about me too. Well at this point my mother and sister started calling her and she sent me another message saying that she still cares about me and wants to be friends, and that she went out with the other guy a few times but doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I called at work and told talked again and told her I'd call her in a few weeks. I kept checking her face book and even got a friend to add the other guy and she noticed he listed himself as no longer being single which scared me. I went and talked to her best friend that night who also said he was just a friend and she hoped we got back together. It was at this point I went to see a shrink, the shrink told me to call her one last time and tell her i was getting help so I did. This is where it gets weird, I called and with a confident, non- pleading voice and told her I as getting help and i still love her but if she didn't want to be with me id have to accept that. At this point she was really REALLY cheery and talked to me like when we were together!! she was saying she was reading all our emails from when i was on vacation. She would call me the little names we called each other and sweet talk me, we talked for a while and she said she yelled at the other guy for calling my phone, i also told her he sent me harassing emails and forwarded them to her. We talked a while and she said her phone was about to die and she wanted me to call her later. 3 hours later she calls and tells me she needs to know the truth about something, she confronted him about the calls and emails but he denied sending me emails and she wants to know what the deal was. I explained that I just came clean earlier and if I was lieing I would have told her. She sided with me and again we talked for hours like we were still together and she told me to call her the next day. Well I called her yesterday and we talked for 2 minutes she seemed ok and said she was borrowing a dress for her cousins engagement party which was today, it was then that her phone cut out. I called back and she didn't answer. So i called her house an hour later and she said she was really busy and she would call me when shes free...... and that was the last i heard from her (yesterday)... I'm so confused I don't know what to do, i cant eat sleep and im really depressed.... is she with this other guy or just really confused, what sohul i do i really want her back.
JooLee Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 she's confused herself what she wants. clearly she still feels for you and she cares but perharps its due to the attachment and not because she is in love with you. Right now she seems to be juggling between you and the other guy. and she cant make up her mind who she wants to be with. look, you have been going around like a fool begging her to be with you and she doesnt appreciate it. right now she knows she's holding the cards in this game and it is not fair to you at all. Can you imagine ever doing this to her? then answer this: if she loves you as much as you do- then how come she can do this to you? and from there decide if she is still worth it. People make mistakes and i strongly believe in second chances so if you really want to be with her, fight for her BUT if you really love her- let her go... take some time off, tell her you'll give her time to think about it and whatever decision it is, its up to her.. and if she decides to come back to you, you'll accept her with open arms. And if she doesnt, prepare yourself. hope for the best but expect the worse. i understand it must be really difficult and hurtful, but sometimes it just happens... we'll never know why...but when it comes down to it, what choice do we have but to just deal with it? i wish you all the best.
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