he's seeing another man!

[gemmab2020]

I have been dating this guy for 4 mths and i have to be honest, there are a few trust issues there... the same picture he has on facebook appeared on a site for gay men. I was gobsmacked... I confronted him and he claimed that one of his mates of work had put it on there as some sort of a joke. To prove he wasn't lying, he gave me the 3 different passwords he uses for his internet applications and asked me to try them all. they didn't work... although he had his messenger name on his profile so i thought well it must be connected to his email so i will give one of these passwprds a go!

 

low and behold.. there was already a password reminder sitting there, opened! I used the password to access the site and i have been able to read his emails. he has been a member since november last year and has even been emailing guys up until a month ago. from what i can gather he has has one experience so far (unsure if this was before me).

 

I know he advertises him self as a bi-curious male, and sys to the guys he is straight and wants to just have some fun with lads. but is this possible? I feel so saddened that he has been lying to me. I feel really betrayed. I have all sorts going through my head at the minute, i met him yesterday and i am wondering is he look at the woman or is he looking at the man? does he even find me attractive at all or am i just a front? why does he not feel able to discuss it with me? is he going to come as being 100% gay?? I am now thinking of all the times i have known he was out.staying at his brother and his phone died... was he really or has he been with other men since we have been dating? he promised me he wouldnt cheat and i believe him but i am thinking now that he is not seeing this as chaeting.

 

I have confronted him and he is still denying everything, all i want is for him to be honest and give me the chance to evaluate things so we can move forward. i am still unsure if this will be moving forward in the same direction or in different directions.

 

How can i move forward from here? i dont want to make him feel like he has been backed into a corner but i am not going to be able to get over this easily.

[GPFan]

He may well be trying this "on for size" because of feelings he has had since he was a young teen.

 

It is not easy to be a gay man but the urge, if genuine, won't be denied either. Some gay men will claim to bi-sexual instead of fully gay because of the shame imposed upon them in our society. Other men don't acknowledge it until after they have a wife and children!

 

This will be an important discovery for him with profound implications for his career, ability to have a family and future.

 

You have been seeing him for four-months so it might be an idea to step your relationship down to platonic friendship until he has thoroughly explored this side of himself.

 

Count yourself lucky to have discovered this sooner rather than later.

[jj33]

Oh my. Unless you are very open minded I think you need to move on. Its always disappointing when you think you have found someone to build a relationship with and then find out its not going to work for whatever reason, but this would seem to me to be a deal breaker unless you are happy to be with someone who is bisexual since that automatically means the relationship will not be monagamous.

 

I would say to you that if anyone says they are bicurious and you are not intersted in playing in that pond dont go there ever dont IM dont exchange emails unless you are looking for a friend. Bicurious means I want to experience it all. And to me I never wanted to be in a position where one day the love of my life wakes up and says he wants to play with equipment that I dont have. Its more than the physical act its the whole biology men smell different than women do move differently if someone is bicurious, bedroom games with a woman and toys are unlikely to bridge the gap.

 

Its a big thing for a man to say he is bicurious - by the time a man admits it he is VERY curious. Unlike a woman who says shes bicurious (many men would buy tickets) the idea that a man would be bicurious is not attractive to most women.

 

Its great to be openminded but you may need to narrow your scope in terms of who you are looking to date as it sounds like you are not happy with the idea that he would experiment with other men. GP Fan said it very well. This is a complicated and important exploration for him but my sense is its not something you want to hang around for.

[wildsoul]

I'm quite familiar with this as the majority of my guy friends are gay, I used to identify as bi-sexual myself, and one of my important boyfriends was "straight curious." <== LOLZ.

 

Personally, I separate monogamy from bisexuality. Who you have sex with and how many people you have sex are different things. However, I'm in the wee small minority on that one. Most bi-sexual people I've met are not monogamous and refuse to be.

 

The problem you've got here is not just the monogamy topic, but that you're guy isn't able to discuss this honestly yet. He needs to keep his bisexuality on "the down low," as it's called in sometimes.

 

If he's not out of the closet as a bi-sexual man, than the risk that you have a homosexual man in that closet is even greater. Sounds like he doesn't know yet, and only time and experience will be his teachers. (It took me a few years of exploring my own bisexuality to reach the conclusion that I don't really want to be with women. It was just an experimental phase that I'm done with.)

 

BTW, the boyfriend of mine that was straight-curious wanted to marry me. We had a strong connection. But at the end of it all, I look back and laugh saying, "He didn't want to be with me. He wanted to be me." And dang it, but he stole some of my clothes too. The nerve! LOL.

 

Your life will be complicated by his. Better to let it go if you don't need the drama.

[pelicanpreacher]

Prentend you're in the house of the "Amityville Horror" and hear "GET...OUT!