replicator Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Lately, I've been wondering a lot about what makes life worth living (I'm not suicidal). Before, it was all about my relationship with my ex. I loved her so much, and I was happy to just see her smile - and everything I did, she was in the back of my head motivating me. Now, without her, I've had some sort of existential crisis, and I'm not really sure what to make of everything. I feel empty and hollow, like a ship without sails. I try to find joy in the little things and the present moment, but nothing seems to make me feel happy. I am trying to set goals to challenge myself, but I find myself trying to do the things I know she would have wanted me to do. I have this constant ache in my chest, I'm tired of it. Anyways - a bit of a rant.. It's Friday night.. Time to find something to do so I can stop thinking so much.
nopainnogain Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I feel/felt the same way. Now we shouldnt EVER throw all our eggs in one basket ever again. But it does suck when you get strung along.
0hpenelope Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Mine is to still give people a chance. Just because we've been betrayed doesn't mean everyone else we meet will do us that damage. To be helpful, to be cheerful, and to be humble. And... to not be vengeful. I don't understand it when people try to discredit people out of revenge. Just because I was treated poorly by Lawrence doesn't mean he'll do the same with every other girl he encounters. Lucky them, sucks for me. Such is life.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I agree. I think love is really the only motivator in life. But remember it doesn't just need to be love in a relationship. Love for friends, family, animals, old people, the community, anything really. I'm personally trying to find another avenue to pour my love into; maybe like volunteering with animals? Because I miss having something to love and care for. So it's really about finding something else that motivates you to do and be good.
kizik Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Rep, prepare for some words straight from the heart, directed at YOU, my friend. Before you focus on outside activities to give yourself a sense of worth, go inside. Think about yourself as a unique individual with a huge capacity to love. To not judge. To accept people as they are. Think about what an excellent soul you are. What a compassionate and kind person you are. Why are we all here? Because we cared. Is that such a crime? No. It's a miracle, in this chaotic world, that people can love others so selflessly. The crime is what the others did, but I think it is this simple: They were not capable of deep feelings. They may have said "I love you," etc., but their hearts were simply not as big as ours. As a result, they can leave and do whatever and that's fine for them. We're not like that. When we commit, it's for life. It's to all the happiness in the world. It's trust and promise and every fiber of our being. Do NOT be ashamed to be someone who is so wholly beautiful. Look at your eyes. Look at your smile. Listen to the sound of your own laughter. Delve back into movies, books and music that you love. Embrace YOU. And you will truly grow a love for yourself that means more than anything anyone else could ever think of you. Meaning comes from within, my good friend. This is not a bunch of hippie BS. When I say love yourself, I am talking about loving every, seemingly-insignificant aspect of yourself. B/c chances are, the ex has made you feel shame or guilt about simply being YOU!!! I know mine has. And that's the real crime.
nopainnogain Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Rep, . This is not a bunch of hippie BS. . LMAO. Fantastic post. I especially like the "capacity to love ,not judge" part If only everyone had that mentallity. Unfortunantly most ppl have it twisted.
nowhereman82 Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I've asked myself this question recently and have found no answers..and I expect none to be provided. I am living, I am doing....but I get unmeaningful enjoyment from it. Some people find fulfillment from family, so people set goals over and over and make it occupy their time. Others volunteer. My family is too far, I've contemplated moving back to my home town but i realize i need to find happiness in myself and not fall back on that. So I won't. I've thought of hobbies to take up....but to me it's just doing the motions, something to fill the time. No real pure enjoyment that says "WOW I need to do this more often!" I think I want to try joining a softball team....great way to socialize and with it comes open doors for new experiences....but I need to let them find me instead of forcing them. Guess I am in the same ship with you OP I'm sure in the long run we will be fine though
SweetTux Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I am also in the same boat as you OP... It really hurts and sucks not knowing... But I guess in time we'll figure something out I hope.. Just try to be strong and know that me and the rest of us are here for each other and we will help each other through this hard time!
Author replicator Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 Rep, prepare for some words straight from the heart, directed at YOU, my friend. Before you focus on outside activities to give yourself a sense of worth, go inside. Think about yourself as a unique individual with a huge capacity to love. To not judge. To accept people as they are. Think about what an excellent soul you are. What a compassionate and kind person you are. Why are we all here? Because we cared. Is that such a crime? No. It's a miracle, in this chaotic world, that people can love others so selflessly. The crime is what the others did, but I think it is this simple: They were not capable of deep feelings. They may have said "I love you," etc., but their hearts were simply not as big as ours. As a result, they can leave and do whatever and that's fine for them. We're not like that. When we commit, it's for life. It's to all the happiness in the world. It's trust and promise and every fiber of our being. Do NOT be ashamed to be someone who is so wholly beautiful. Look at your eyes. Look at your smile. Listen to the sound of your own laughter. Delve back into movies, books and music that you love. Embrace YOU. And you will truly grow a love for yourself that means more than anything anyone else could ever think of you. Meaning comes from within, my good friend. This is not a bunch of hippie BS. When I say love yourself, I am talking about loving every, seemingly-insignificant aspect of yourself. B/c chances are, the ex has made you feel shame or guilt about simply being YOU!!! I know mine has. And that's the real crime. Kizik - thanks for your words, it's a great post and I'm sure others will find it useful as well. And yes, I did feel shame and guilt for not living up to her expectations. I know I deserve better and I won't let this get the best of me. Last night I had a bit too much to drink, and woke up with a nasty hangover, but now I feel much better. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this.. I guess it is a question we all ponder at some point in life, and perhaps one without any right answers. Life is a struggle, but we should try to savor the moment, even when times are tough. We're living and breathing, and beauty of life itself is majestic.
roghornio Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I've had some sort of existential crisis, and I'm not really sure what to make of everything. I feel empty and hollow, like a ship without sails. I try to find joy in the little things and the present moment, but nothing seems to make me feel happy. I can relate to this entirly – you know it’s nothing to do with people ive been out with or split up with – I think they were a mere distraction… something to keep the attention – without something like that I feel completely lost… Like a rabbit in the headlights. Everything seems like it’s just passing time – waiting for something to appear or something to happen. Not a nice feeling!
kyta Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I can relate to this entirly – you know it’s nothing to do with people ive been out with or split up with – I think they were a mere distraction… something to keep the attention – without something like that I feel completely lost… Like a rabbit in the headlights. Everything seems like it’s just passing time – waiting for something to appear or something to happen. Not a nice feeling! No not a nice feeling, i felt like it once and its horrible, but you cant wait for things to come to you, you have to go and find the things that make you happy you have to live life for you, everything you have wanted to do go do it, life is to short to waste waiting for something to fall in your lap.
Lookingforward Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I hear you... life has gone from technicolour to a dull grey with all joy drained from it......... but you put one foot in front of the other long enough and eventually the sun will shine again.
orangehose Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Everything seems like it’s just passing time – waiting for something to appear or something to happen. Not a nice feeling! I can relate to this as well... The feeling of just trying to keep oneself occupied and fritter away time until something / someone important (the new love of my life? ) comes along. I've literally had days where I've checked the clock a dozen times, asking myself, "what? only half an hour has passed?" I more or less passively let my ex decide what we should do with our free time, and as a result, I'm a bit out of practice with creating my own routine and coming up with things to do on my own. I still get bored, but it's also quite nice to now be able to do whatever I want for a change, even if at first, I needed to think a bit about what those things are. I'm recovering my independent identity.
orangehose Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Now, without her, I've had some sort of existential crisis, and I'm not really sure what to make of everything. I feel empty and hollow, like a ship without sails. I try to find joy in the little things and the present moment, but nothing seems to make me feel happy. I think the challenge of creating new goals and a new daily routine is even harder for you, rep, because of the length of your relationship. The formative years of your adulthood were spent with this one person - but that doesn't mean there isn't plenty of 'formation' left to happen in the years to come Keep doing all those things you're doing to at least attempt to distract yourself. But even so, know that even though you're doing all the right things, you'll still feel like something's missing. That's the nature of heartache. And then one day you'll find yourself actually enjoying that game of golf, or actually paying attention to that small talk with a random coworker (or whatever it is you do). And things won't seem as bad. I do relate to the whole existential crisis (well for me, more like existential musings). I suddenly have all this time to THINK about things like the meaning of my own life (and everyone else's), and wonder what I should make of the precious remainder of my life. It can be overwhelming, but also makes me feel like my prior life in a relationship was this convenient distraction from 'bigger' issues.
Author replicator Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 I think the challenge of creating new goals and a new daily routine is even harder for you, rep, because of the length of your relationship. The formative years of your adulthood were spent with this one person - but that doesn't mean there isn't plenty of 'formation' left to happen in the years to come That is exactly the problem. I am who I am, because of her. Some days I feel better, then suddenly I feel overwhelmed as I realize how alone I am. I know this is something I need to get through on my own. I need to overcome this so I can regain myself. Not to be too dramatic, but it feels like a life and death struggle. I need to get over this so I can feel like I'm living again. I'm not deterred by obstacles in front of me. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not going to hope and wait for something to fall from the sky. I'm responsible for my life, and I'm going to go after what I want. I'm going to use this life lesson to come out and become something greater.
LikeCharlotte Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Rep, prepare for some words straight from the heart, directed at YOU, my friend. Before you focus on outside activities to give yourself a sense of worth, go inside. Think about yourself as a unique individual with a huge capacity to love. To not judge. To accept people as they are. Think about what an excellent soul you are. What a compassionate and kind person you are. Why are we all here? Because we cared. Is that such a crime? No. It's a miracle, in this chaotic world, that people can love others so selflessly. The crime is what the others did, but I think it is this simple: They were not capable of deep feelings. They may have said "I love you," etc., but their hearts were simply not as big as ours. As a result, they can leave and do whatever and that's fine for them. We're not like that. When we commit, it's for life. It's to all the happiness in the world. It's trust and promise and every fiber of our being. Do NOT be ashamed to be someone who is so wholly beautiful. Look at your eyes. Look at your smile. Listen to the sound of your own laughter. Delve back into movies, books and music that you love. Embrace YOU. And you will truly grow a love for yourself that means more than anything anyone else could ever think of you. Meaning comes from within, my good friend. This is not a bunch of hippie BS. When I say love yourself, I am talking about loving every, seemingly-insignificant aspect of yourself. B/c chances are, the ex has made you feel shame or guilt about simply being YOU!!! I know mine has. And that's the real crime. Ahhhh... and this is why I love kiz. So many people fear facing themselves or throwing away pride to genuinely care. Rep, I am glad to see you are facing it and taking it all head on. " Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." -Dune
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