Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 People post here with stories of woe of dating/love (me included!). Often they arrive at a point of conflict, confusion or sheer misery from their own or their partners actions. And in some cases, it appears that the lack of maintaining boundaries in the interest of "love" has caused the strife. Well, as some of you know, I am working my way through eharmony's process. The good doc who runs the site has tidbits of info here and there on fostering dating success. This may seem obvious to some, but to others, I thought it might be good reminder to hear. Anyhow, here are the signs he suggests considering twice before or while dating someone: Watch out for someone who asks for money Or who uses vulgar language Or who asks inappropriate questions Or suggests sexual fantasies Be careful of those who want to speed up the pace Or tell you how to run your life Or tell stories with inconsistencies Or give vague answers to specific questions Or urge you to compromise your principles Or if they blame others for their troubles And lastly, if they are always speaking romantically
sweetbutcheeky Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I totally agree and have been guilty of that myself as well. I mean that the voice in my head tells me that something isn't right but I ignore it or give in the benefit of the doubt or make an excuse. Guys will be guys .... But not doing that anymore! I caught myself the other day the guy was telling me about himself and there were a few things that went off in my head and I did pause and think should I get to know him more or listen to the little voice. I thought about it and in the past the voice was right and I had ignored it so told him that I didn't think we were a match and good luck. Just some little things but put them together stand out more. (main 2 were older than I was comfortable with and was 420 friendly occasionally) He got defensive and told me that I wasn't his physical type but was too much of a gentleman to say anything sooner ...
Crestfallen_KH Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 What do you mean we're not supposed to lend them money right away?!?! Next you'll be saying we should bolt when they call us names and hit us. I'm sorry, JB, but some of us don't live in this "fantasy world" of yours...
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 What do you mean we're not supposed to lend them money right away?!?! Next you'll be saying we should bolt when they call us names and hit us. I'm sorry, JB, but some of us don't live in this "fantasy world" of yours... LOL. Blame Dr. Warren, Crest! I guess I posted it more like a PSA... I totally agree and have been guilty of that myself as well. I mean that the voice in my head tells me that something isn't right but I ignore it or give in the benefit of the doubt or make an excuse. Guys will be guys .... But not doing that anymore! I caught myself the other day the guy was telling me about himself and there were a few things that went off in my head and I did pause and think should I get to know him more or listen to the little voice. I thought about it and in the past the voice was right and I had ignored it so told him that I didn't think we were a match and good luck. Just some little things but put them together stand out more. (main 2 were older than I was comfortable with and was 420 friendly occasionally) He got defensive and told me that I wasn't his physical type but was too much of a gentleman to say anything sooner ... What an ass! And see? Your little voice was spot on. Why do so many people ignore the warning signs do you think? I know I am the first one to pull the trigger. I almost wait for any sign of BS and I'm out the door. Which isn't good, as sometimes I may not be giving guys enough of a chance. Others are too tolerant. Think there's a middle ground?
xpaperxcutx Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 It would be easier to tell if a guy encompasses all of the above but most women tend to look the other way if only a few pops up. Internet dating isn't perfect, it brings more wolves than sheeps. They're always hunting, and if a girl isn't too careful, they'll be eaten for sure. Jilly are you still hurting?
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 It would be easier to tell if a guy encompasses all of the above but most women tend to look the other way if only a few pops up. Internet dating isn't perfect, it brings more wolves than sheeps. They're always hunting, and if a girl isn't too careful, they'll be eaten for sure. Jilly are you still hurting? I'm feeling a lot less bitter these days, thanks. So X, you think people ignore the signs when they come one at a time, or spaced out?
OpenBook Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Watch out for someone who asks for money This one cracked me up. Yeah I'd say that would definitely be a red flag.:lmao:
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 This one cracked me up. Yeah I'd say that would definitely be a red flag.:lmao: Sad to say, I think he wrote that because some people may not see that as a flag! I think some people ignore what seems so obvious to the majority... Then again, think about meeting someone and having them say something off-color, and you ignored it. We hear stories on here all the time of people ignoring early warning signs...
OpenBook Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 "Hello there! Nice rack. Can I have some money?"
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 "Hello there! Nice rack. Can I have some money?" Well, you're making light of it, but there are some out there who have been scammed financially from people they just met. Some are just so hungry for love, they don't pay attention.
OpenBook Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Sorry, you're absolutely right. There are a lot of shysters out there who will stoop at nothing. It was the technique I was laughing at. Smoooooooth.... asking a woman for money.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I'm feeling a lot less bitter these days, thanks. So X, you think people ignore the signs when they come one at a time, or spaced out? I think both, because we're always under the idea that it's something we can overlook because we think we like them enough. Then there's the ideal that we're going to be the ones that will change them and they'll fall madly in love with us for it.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 Then there's the ideal that we're going to be the ones that will change them and they'll fall madly in love with us for it. Oh, you grow out of that in your 30's...
Touche Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Crap, NOW you tell me! Oh well too late now.... What if they do this AFTER you marry them? Or who uses vulgar language Or who asks inappropriate questions Or suggests sexual fantasies Crap, I need to get rid of Mr. T immediately!!!!
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Anyhow, here are the signs he suggests considering twice before or while dating someone: Watch out for someone who asks for money Or who uses vulgar language Or who asks inappropriate questions Or suggests sexual fantasies What an ass! That's it; I'm watching out for you now! ...of course, if you start asking inappropriate questions and/or suggesting sexual fantasies (preferably "and"), we might be able to get past this potty mouth of yours. But I'm not making any promises!
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 That's it; I'm watching out for you now! ...of course, if you start asking inappropriate questions and/or suggesting sexual fantasies (preferably "and"), we might be able to get past this potty mouth of yours. But I'm not making any promises! LMAO! Guilty as charged. And that was just a warm-up. TOUCHE - I think Dr. Warren would have a caveat that if you already bought the cow, you can only butcher him in that case. Well, of course, his guidelines were for the courtship phase of dating. I'd actually be pissed if my BF wasn't engaging in at least 2 of the items.
Touche Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Very funny! Isn't it funny how what we'd accept after marriage or some kind of commitment is completely out of the question before that? (Uhm, hello? Can you please close the bathroom door?)
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 Very funny! Isn't it funny how what we'd accept after marriage or some kind of commitment is completely out of the question before that? (Uhm, hello? Can you please close the bathroom door?) Ha ha! Well, like I said, his guidelines are for the early dates/courtship. I think once you sleep together, or the first time someone farts in front of the other, all bets are off.
imbewildered Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Watch out for someone who asks for money Or who uses vulgar language Or who asks inappropriate questions Or suggests sexual fantasies Now i know why my spidey sense was going nuts in the first month of dating that sex crazed golddigger. Hey DR Harmony - what are your office hours ? I need an appointment to let you in on a big secret about dating nutjobs... Give me a break. That eharmony stuff is lame and pathetic. Where are the doctor's warning signs about your G.fs drug use or her history of cheating which she revealed toyou when she was stoned and speeding up the freeway. WHat about her herpes outbreaks, not to mention her violent ex lesbian lover with the rottweiler who stalks you when she sleeps at your house. Her ex husband is still suing her for the house payments and all those parking tickets which she ran up with the city. What do you do when she lost her job for screwing the VP and his wife now has your cell #....and not her other girlfriend wants to come live at your house when she comes out on parole or rehab.? Now tell me again why I need to be wary of women who talk too much romance...
Touche Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Ha ha! Well, like I said, his guidelines are for the early dates/courtship. I think once you sleep together, or the first time someone farts in front of the other, all bets are off. Exactly. Hence the title of your thread. Boundaries, anyone? YES, PLEASE let's have some boundaries! Please! Crap. I mean I've been married 13 effing years and we have no damn boundaries! Everything goes. That's just not right. Is it? Is it?
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 Exactly. Hence the title of your thread. Boundaries, anyone? YES, PLEASE let's have some boundaries! Please! Crap. I mean I've been married 13 effing years and we have no damn boundaries! Everything goes. That's just not right. Is it? Is it? Um, I actually love it. I hate the part of dating where everyone is so stiff and so concerned with acting perfect and looking that way as well. I love getting to the comfy stage where everyone farts at will. I still, of course, blame mine on the dog.
Art_Critic Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I hate the part of dating where everyone is so stiff and ......... maybe you shouldn't be dating men then.. hahahaha
Touche Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Um, I actually love it. I hate the part of dating where everyone is so stiff and so concerned with acting perfect and looking that way as well. I love getting to the comfy stage where everyone farts at will. I still, of course, blame mine on the dog. So funny, JB. I get it. I do. But it's not that great really. I mean I tell my H all the time that he should act the same as when we were dating. Is that so wrong? I mean really. I say "Honey, you wouldn't have let me hear that sound when we were dating, right?" And he just says " Uhm...no..guess not sweetie." And that's it. Is that right? Ok, well...I do still love him but still..sometimes it's just TMI, you know? OH shoot...I guess he can have worse habits. I guess any man can. I guess any woman can too...only I don't have a dog and never have. Do cats count? (But my cat doesn't make rude sounds and nor do I.) I'm so confused now. Should I dump my man? Please advise.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 So funny, JB. I get it. I do. But it's not that great really. I mean I tell my H all the time that he should act the same as when we were dating. Is that so wrong? I mean really. I say "Honey, you wouldn't have let me hear that sound when we were dating, right?" And he just says " Uhm...no..guess not sweetie." And that's it. Is that right? Ok, well...I do still love him but still..sometimes it's just TMI, you know? OH shoot...I guess he can have worse habits. I guess any man can. I guess any woman can too...only I don't have a dog and never have. Do cats count? (But my cat doesn't make rude sounds and nor do I.) I'm so confused now. Should I dump my man? Please advise. Yes, dump him and get a dog. If you can't dismiss a man for incessant farting, then what are grounds for dismissal? AC - but I like a good stiffy!!!
Touche Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Yes, dump him and get a dog. If you can't dismiss a man for incessant farting, then what are grounds for dismissal? AC - but I like a good stiffy!!! Crap, the man has to go! :laugh:But I hate dogs...shyt, what to do?
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