merlin2 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I was cheated on recently, went through that and it shook me to the core.Took him back as I wasn't strong enough to resist at the time.Told him to get lost last night, told him I traded him in for 'peace of mind'.It only took 5 days to realise I still had my self respect and wouldnt let anyone mess with my mind that way. Reading the posts on this forum I know I'm doing the right thing.Once someone cheats, they have you on an emotional seesaw, I refused to be in that place.It has never happened to me before and I stumbled on this forum to try and make sense of it all.I cant beleive the pain people are going through because of selfish narcissists, immature people unworthy of the partners they hurt. But its never black and white I guess,wont even try to compare my sitaution to anyone else's.I just knew if I wasn't happy in a relationship, id respect the person I was with and end the relationship.I did that in the past.maybe i'm naieve, in fact I know I am, I know that most people aren't like me and dont hold the same morals. People who need 'warm beds' to go to always infuriated me.I had the pleasure of meeting one recently, a codependant emotionally inept liar.once i get the withdrawal symptoms out of the way-entirely natural-I will probably feel physically sick when I think about sharing a bed with him.I know it will happen.The fact i can rationalise it will get me through, I am big on psychology and the grieving process. sometimes there's years of history with people, decades of marriage,thats a ballgame i cant even try to get into. Mine lasted seven months.But im 38 and I put my heart and soul into this relationship.Maybe it was easier to walk away, but it hurt like hell.I can empathise with the pain of it all now looking at other people's stories but i'll always have this need to say:get out!and dont look back. it was partly because of this forum and the patterns that exist(looking at the experiences on here) I decided not to let him mess with my head any longer, he would probably go back to his OW at some point.who knows.I dont even care.I wasn't willing to hang around to find out.If I was married for 20 years Id still feel the same, and I know that for sure. More than that, I couldnt be with someone I couldnt trust.End of. but I certainly wont ever be in a position to give advice on this subject. I have gone through some trying circumstances in my life but this knocked me for six! I just cant beleive the pain that they cause, without any real remorse. I have seen the angst, the crazy paranoia, the devastation on these forums, because of a partner who cheats. They have all the control, and nothing to lose while you're in shock from it all. I for one only have to think of the sleepless nights wondering if and when hes going to see her, the words I look for meaning in, that feeling of being 'helpless' to know I cant live like that. I respect myself too much. I traded him in for peace of mind. There's always someone out there who will love you better.
HopeDiesLast Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 GREAT post merlin. so well said. cheers to you for what you did and putting a value on yourself!!!!!
foxh1234 Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I agree with you completely. My ex cheated on me with 2 different guys and I would never take her back, NEVER!!! You did the best thing for you even though I know it hurts like hell. Bravo to you for having the strength and character to move on and regain your life. You and I will both find someone who truly loves us.
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