WiseOne1 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I would agree with most of this except in the case of many women they begin to emotionally pull away from a man weeks or months before they pull the trigger. So while they may be physically with you, mentally they're long gone. That is why I think most women don't actually rebound but men do. Men are much less rational and tend to leave on a whim without that period of mental detachment. Yes I do agree that a good majority of people who jump from relationship to relationship are rebounding but many still (at least women) have long detached themselves mentally before they pulled the trigger. I Agree with you caliguy, I think that women detach themselves long before they break up. Thats why its so easier. Hell I wouldnt be surprised if they actually have picked a date as to which there gonna break it off. Women may detach up to months before the break up, so therefore they have the emotional lead and are even over or about to over the past mate.
nopainnogain Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Thats why we got to flip the script on those types of woman. Ill never let a woman know me the way my ex did ever again. Ill be a mystery from now on. Ill throw them the crumbs.The game is to be sold not to be told. Play them before you get played.
SarahT111 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Kizik this is brilliant This is 100% true Anyone out there struggling please read this!!! Please take the time to feel the pain and learn the lessons associated with it! I can promise you, you will be so much better off having done so. My ex of 2.5 years dumped me and went straight to someone else in about 2 hours. As Kizik said he hated being alone, he had very low self esteem and he did repeat the same mistakes and ended up being dumped after 2 months. I on the other hand went through the worst pain of my life, but I worked hard. I felt pain like never before and I learnt soo many lessons. I became a new person. It sounds cheesey but its very true. The pain and stress changed my life and make me such a better person. I now am with a wonderful man whom I no I wound not have had a chance with if I had remained my grumpy, selfish old self. Kizik is 100% correct with this statement Please do feel the pain and take the time to grow and become a better person because you WILL come out a winner I am living proof of that and I never ever thought in a million years that I could say that!
Author kizik Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Sarah, I am glad this thread has helped you in some way. Thank you for your compliments! Josh
almost famous Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Honestly your best course of action is to not worry about your ex at all and whether she is making mistakes, is happy, is rebounding, whatever, because it is a waste of time and emotional energy to continue to rationalize how they must be unhappy and they are "broken." Really, you have no idea, she would be the only one who could give insight as to if she is happy, maybe she is just out there dating and living her life...does it really matter? Your job is to just forget she even exists. What she is doing and who she is doing it with is of no concern to you, as far as you're concerned she's no one because she's not in your life. That is the best way to let go, forget they exist. Don't bother trying to rationalize how "wrong" she is by moving on from your relationship and starting one with someone else, it really doesn't matter.
Author kizik Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Honestly your best course of action is to not worry about your ex at all and whether she is making mistakes, is happy, is rebounding, whatever, because it is a waste of time and emotional energy to continue to rationalize how they must be unhappy and they are "broken." Really, you have no idea, she would be the only one who could give insight as to if she is happy, maybe she is just out there dating and living her life...does it really matter? Your job is to just forget she even exists. What she is doing and who she is doing it with is of no concern to you, as far as you're concerned she's no one because she's not in your life. That is the best way to let go, forget they exist. Don't bother trying to rationalize how "wrong" she is by moving on from your relationship and starting one with someone else, it really doesn't matter. Yeah that's incredibly true and I thank you for saying it. I was realizing something along these lines tonight actually. Sometimes, people (me) need to tell themselves things in order to get thru the day. Hence, this thread. She could be with someone else and be happy and be happy for the rest of her life. None of that is any of my business. You're right. It doesn't matter. The only thing that WOULD matter is if she called and asked for another chance, at which point I am certain I would be skeptical... anyway, everyone here knows that sh*t aint happening. So the question turns out to be: how to find peace. And I think you just find peace by loving yourself, even if others don't or won't. That means doing right, treating yourself right, and trying really hard to think right. Not hating them. Not hating yourself. Not hating life. Spot on. Thanks for cutting thru my bullsh*t.
almost famous Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 See, you don't even know what she is doing or if she is even involved with anyone. Maybe she just hasn't contacted you because it is hard for her, too, and she just wants to make a clean break and is full NC. If you keep thinking of "well, she probably is seeing someone else by now because she hasn't called" you are just reminding yourself of her again and torturing yourself. That is just hurting yourself. That is good, find peace within yourself. You can do this, we all have been through this heartache.
0hpenelope Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 If they're with someone else already, kizik... Wait, let me rephrase this for you. If she's with someone else already, she's her new boyfriend's problem now! =D Great words by Caliguy. Awesome, awesome.
LikeCharlotte Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I don't think about whether my ex is with someone else. One way or another he will be and I am hopeful that he will be healthier and stronger when he does but I also know that it is possible for him to learn while he is in a relationship. It saddens me to think he couldn't do that with me but because I have no desire to be with him I suppose it is a bit easier to hope things work out for him in the future.
nowhereman82 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Almost_famous you freaked me out. Saw how recently you registered and my ex would use that name online. Had to check your post to make sure you weren't her haha
LikeCharlotte Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Almost_famous you freaked me out. Saw how recently you registered and my ex would use that name online. Had to check your post to make sure you weren't her hahaSomeone thought I was his ex when I first joined LS. Oddly he disappeared after he determined that I was not. I thought of it as a bit of projection on his part!
SweetTux Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 ok everyone has been saying you don't know for sure if she is with someone else or if shes happy and it really shouldn't matter... don't think about her anymore and move on... what if she actually told you that shes happy with the new person shes dating? so you straight up know that shes with someone knew and shes really happy? Just try not to think of her and move on? I think both situations are really hard... cause knowing it is bad and not knowing it makes you think it anyways... any advice?
roghornio Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 SweetTux - thats what happened to me. She actually told me that. No choice but to move on and not look back. Some horrid thoughts pop into the head you know what i mean.. but what can you do.
nowhereman82 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Glad I read this thread. I've been tempted to out of concern to send a letter to the ex telling her she left me for a reason and now she is dating someone so soon and it's helping her ignore the things she needs to do for herself. That she is just wasting time. I realized this this weekend and will be breaking up with the person I am dating. I realized I was ignoring myself.
SweetTux Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 SweetTux - thats what happened to me. She actually told me that. No choice but to move on and not look back. Some horrid thoughts pop into the head you know what i mean.. but what can you do. Yea it happened to me just the other day... sigh... Yea I know what you mean when you say some horrid thoughts pop into the head... Its really bad and I hate it.. dunno why they have to do this to us lol... Yea I'm trying to move on and not look back... tough though
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