gd26 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I was just wondering... have any of you men ever told a female friend who was interested in you that you just saw her as a friend and that you didn't think you were compatible... and then in the future found yourself falling for her and wanting a relationship (a genuine relationship, not just sex)? I had a guy friend tell me this unfortunately... after I admitted feelings for him. Initially he was really interested in me romantically (even before I was interested in him), but apparently had a change of heart somewhere in between (I am not sure exactly when this happened). I was never uninterested in him in the beginning, I simply allowed him to do the work-- and he called me all the time; it was wonderful. Things changed however, once when I got insecure over a situation. He still called me all the time, but I felt something in his attitude was different after that... as he stopped flirting with me... I know he values me as a person, as he has always been super caring and kind to me. When I told him a few weeks ago about my feelings, he says he wants to support me as a friend, but doesn't see as as being compatible due to differences in life experience (he has previously been married, dated many women, while I have only had a few relationships, never lived with a guy etc). This was really hard for me to hear as I thought he and I were totally compatible in so many ways. Even though I feel sad, I am making effort to move on with my life and take care of myself now... I am getting myself in shape physically and am doing other cool things in my life. I was just curious if men ever have a genuine change of heart. The reason I am asking this is because I have heard frequently of women changing their minds.... but I have rarely heard of men not being interested and then becoming genuinely interested in a woman later. So I was just wondering if this actually does happen frequently or not.
saams Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 it happens but not as often as it does with women. Maybe he is going through something and doesnt want a relationship or he just dont see you and him together as a couple, if he doesnt like the idea of you 2 together then it's nearly impossible to change it. it does happen but rarely.
kizik Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 No. Guys are pretty simple - we're either attracted to you, or we're not. We're not your friend one day, and then suddenly realize you're hot. Attraction is a very basic and simple thing. Guys do NOT have a change of heart. Women are funny, they assume we think like them. In reality, we couldn't be any more different, hence all the relationship problems in the world.
Eyeofthoth Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 So I have a different, but similar question for the guys: If you say to a woman: I am very attracted to you, and you are my best friend . . . How would this be different than, "I am in love with you?"
nowhereman82 Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 He had a problem with commitment. I knew I loved my ex and it took me 8 months into it to tell her that.
Suiyobi Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Men can have change of hearts. I initially didn't think much of a girl I knew back in high school but when we finally became seniors I suddenly grew fond of her, like literally out of nowhere. Unfortunately, she could not reciprocate those same feelings because, ironically enough, she had thrown me into her friend zone (whereas I had originally put her in my friend zone when we first knew each other). Honestly though, what I'm more curious in is if it's possible for two totally incompatible people to genuinely like (or even love) each other and pursue a relationship? Sounds like a conundrum of sorts, but I guess we'll leave this topic for another day...
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