pleaserepair Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 well... i cheated on my girlfriend of 8 1/2 years tonight for the first and only time. the guilt i feel is unimaginable (although I'm sure many have felt it). we have been together since high school and she is the only girl i have ever been with. I love this girl more than I can express. simply put; i have the utmost in admiration and until now what i thought was respect for her. (wait, i do respect her. it isnt my lack of respect where i messed up it's my lack of will power. i was not strong enough to say no.) we live together with 2 of our friends. we share all of the same friends and basically have been integrated into each other's lives so fully that all our experiences are together. She totally fulfills me in every possible way. Emotionally and physically. The thing is that for the past 2 years ive been wanting to try being with a guy. SHOCKING! to everyone i know. It was not what i thought it would be and I will not do it again. even if i liked it i wouldn't ever do it again. the way im feeling about this is that it is my guilt and burden to shoulder. If i tell her it will absolutley destroy us. not just our relationship but us as people. let me know what you think. there is so much more to this whole situation but i can get to that later. please god any scrap of help is greatly appreciated. one final note : If she cheated on my in this fashion, I wouldn't want to know.
Ocean-Blue Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Has this experience with this guy quashed your curiousity as far as men are concerned? Are you sexually attracted to your girlfriend? Cheating is bad. That's a given. The proverbial poop will hit the fan if and when she finds out. But that's a different issue. You need to be honest with yourself about why you did what you did and with whom.
Author pleaserepair Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 this experience has totally squashed my curiosity for guy. i just needed to know. it had been picking at me for about 2 years and it was a question i finally wanted answered.i hope that doesn't sound like im trying to make a excuse but i that was the motive behind it. i am extremely sexually attracted to my girlfriend. but this guilt is unholy horrible. but it is my just punishment. actually, it's the tip of the iceberg in terms of a just punishment. it will devour me from the inside out and i must let it because this is what i have done.
BeNotAfraid Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I don't see how telling your "friend" would improve her life. ... Unless you are prone to do this again, in which case telling her would give her valuable warnings about your future together. So as long as you're certain that you don't need to fool around anymore, with any gender, and won't do it, then learn your lesson and keep it to yourself, I'd say. Think about what's best for her, not you.
Author pleaserepair Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 thats exactly how i feel. telling her is only going to ruin us both. i realize that i am lying again by not telling her but i have to deal with it. my telling her would be for selfish reasons. to get it off my chest and purge myself of this weight that i now have. now she would have to bear half the weight. i also feel like I've convinced myself that this is the case and that honesty is not the best policy this time around. i sincerely wonder if it is.
selena_cat Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Come clean man, let it out or it will eat at you, owe her the right to know,not telling her IS lying to her. Gals point of view,btw, i'm a bit bias on cheating but best to come clean. So do it now you know you have to
Author pleaserepair Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 i've be going back and forth on it. i feel it's a matter of self preservation. if i dont tell her than im only mostly ****ed. if i do tell her im totally ****ed. i can mentally handle this current pain i have caused myself but i really dont think i can handle the pain i will inflict on her if i tell her. i literally mean that i dont believe it's something im able to deal with in a healthy way. i feel there is no "good" way to go about it. all i know is that i have to save myself from what im sure will turn out most grizzley. i already have depression issues. ive been able to deal with them so far... after this i dont know. "maybe im just to young to keep good love from going wrong..." - jeff buckley its appalling that there are so many songs written about this stuff and i still wasn't able to listen.
gd26 Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 If you aren't mature enough to tell your girl the truth, then I don't think you have any business having a relationship with her. Yes, she might break up with you over it.... but if so, you deserve it... as you are the one that cheated! If she still takes you back, that's her call. You can expect to keep going forward in a relationship with her and marry her if your relationship is just based around lies. It will eat at you over time and destroy your relationship on its own. Plus, if she finds out 5 years from now and ends up breaking up with you then... then that's another 5 years of her life that you've taken from her unfairly. You can't be that selfish. You were already selfish enough to cheat, now you should do the right thing and tell the truth. Sorry if I sound hard on you. I feel bad for your situation. However, you chose to take the actions, and you shouldn't do something (like cheating) if you aren't willing to face the consequences.
Author pleaserepair Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 the only thing i need are honest reactions to my issue. thank you, sincerely, for taking the time to do so.
allanDR Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 The cheater's dilemma: if you feel like you MUST tell her, then you shouldn't because you truly care about her and know it won't happen again. But if you think you should NOT tell her then you must because you know it will happen again and you owe it to her and yourself to fess up and to not be a coward. You seem like the former. You're experiencing tremendous guilt and know that it will never happen again. I've been cheated on before but I can honestly say that I see no reason to tell her. If it's true love you feel for her, bear the burden yourself, it will go away eventually and treat her like she deserves. And make sure she doesn't f%cking find out.
0hpenelope Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 You look up any of the posts by Brother vivrantflo? Honest to God, he's the only guy I've ever "met" who's truly a reformed cheater. I wasn't around, but LS gave him the shock. Hopefully he'll read your thread. Good luck, brother.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Hmmmm this is a HARD one. Relationships are based on trust and honesty, therefore by not telling her you forfeit them both. Also she deserves to know the truth so that she knows what you are capable of. Yes you say you will never do it again, but how do you REALLY know that? Maybe you never will, or maybe you will! By not telling her, you may feel you are salvaging your relationship but the guilt will tear you up inside. Also you may project your own guilt onto her and become paranoid she has/is/will cheat on you and you'll never know because you didn't tell her! I would be honest, hard as it is! Though I understand also why you wouldn't be. But secrets ALWAYS come out so it would be better she hears it from you.
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