KateSue Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 My BF and I broke up recently and I am having a hard time moving on as I really did/do love him. We went out for about 12 months. I am 32 he is 40. He said " I really really do love and adore you but the timing is not right for us, I'm not in the right mind space to commit to you long term". He also said "do you think its easy walking away from the most wonderful girl I have ever met? the answer is no". He is a good guy and has always been honest with me but I am worried that he has just given me an excuse because he does not want a future with me because he is afraid to commit. I know that he does love me not just becasue he told me but I felt it. He thinks hes doing the honerable thing in letting me go. I know that he does have big family and work issues to sort out and this is why he says the timing is not right. Is timing really a legitimate reason or does he just not want me anymore?
the2gman Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Well, you never really said if you were pressuring him to be more serious? Otherwise, what made him think you wanted a more serious long term relationship?
journey1 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 you should read my thread about "has anyone ever heard this BS beofre??? My guy said similar **** and everyone seems to think he has another girl:sick:
carhill Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Is there a book out there that provides these lines for men? Jeez... OP, I'm going to ask you for some difficult specifics here... What was the emotional content of those words? His demeanor? If the same family and work issues had faced you, would you have stopped dating him? Why? How did you feel about your "timing"? Did you note a change in your sexual relationship? Be honest about the how and when, if applicable, when deciding that for yourself. It's easy for us to armchair quarterback this deal, but IMO you need to find your own truth so you can have closure of this chapter. Who knows what the future will bring. Are you prepared, if you have no contact with him, that he may contact you in the future, likely near future? What will you do? He probably will contact you. He's left the door open; actually very clever.
Author KateSue Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 Well, you never really said if you were pressuring him to be more serious? Otherwise, what made him think you wanted a more serious long term relationship? thanks for reading. I think he did feel "pressure" from me, I told him I wanted to have a family "one day" I was vague in this as Im not certain myself but told him I probably would. He thinks he probably doesnt want children but wasnt sure also. I left my last relationship becasue I didnt want to have his children but I could have with this guy and hes knows this. I think the pressure came more from having to take the relationship to the next level.
Suiyobi Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I'm not 40 so I wouldn't know first-hand what us guys would think about at that age, but I can only assume that he would eventually want to settle down. So for him to actually let you go most likely would have been a big decision for him and something that he will regret but at the same time know that it was the right thing to do. Then again, we don't really know if he's interested in another woman but giving him the benefit of the doubt, he's most likely concerned about other issues and want to work those things out first before committing himself to a relationship. The irony is that I would think that he would want you to help him with this because in a sense that will prove whether you guys can indeed be partners in life: by working things out together. Unless he still has that typical "man" mindset that he's gotta do things on his own. I don't blame him, I'm still young and I think that way with a lot of my personal problems lol.
Author KateSue Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 Is there a book out there that provides these lines for men? Jeez... OP, I'm going to ask you for some difficult specifics here... What was the emotional content of those words? His demeanor? If the same family and work issues had faced you, would you have stopped dating him? Why? How did you feel about your "timing"? Did you note a change in your sexual relationship? Be honest about the how and when, if applicable, when deciding that for yourself. It's easy for us to armchair quarterback this deal, but IMO you need to find your own truth so you can have closure of this chapter. Who knows what the future will bring. Are you prepared, if you have no contact with him, that he may contact you in the future, likely near future? What will you do? He probably will contact you. He's left the door open; actually very clever. thanks for reading. We had very strong chemistry so the sex was good right to the end. Good point about leaving the door open, he wanted to "stay friends" is this a way of keeping the door open / me hanging on?
yongyong Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Tell him it's either black or white, no fcuckin gray:eek: (excuse my language) You stay with him as friends and you will keep wondering when he will change his mind. this will **** up your life. If he loves you, why he has to give you that much pain? I think it's better for you to hear 'I don't love you anymore' when you think about those stupid reasons he gave to you just say '**** that' This is free country and nobody is forcing him not to date you. do you believe in this biggest B.S? 'I love you but I have to let you go' You guys are not filming Romeo and Juliet, are you? thanks for reading. We had very strong chemistry so the sex was good right to the end. Good point about leaving the door open, he wanted to "stay friends" is this a way of keeping the door open / me hanging on?
Author KateSue Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 I'm not 40 so I wouldn't know first-hand what us guys would think about at that age, but I can only assume that he would eventually want to settle down. So for him to actually let you go most likely would have been a big decision for him and something that he will regret but at the same time know that it was the right thing to do. Then again, we don't really know if he's interested in another woman but giving him the benefit of the doubt, he's most likely concerned about other issues and want to work those things out first before committing himself to a relationship. The irony is that I would think that he would want you to help him with this because in a sense that will prove whether you guys can indeed be partners in life: by working things out together. Unless he still has that typical "man" mindset that he's gotta do things on his own. I don't blame him, I'm still young and I think that way with a lot of my personal problems lol. thanks for reading your opinion helped me.
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