Getting back to dating. Any thoughts?

[Exl]

After I broke up with my previous long-term girlfriend a few months ago, a slow and painful process, I thought it'd be a long while before I was able to get dating again.

 

As they say. It comes when you least expect it.

 

Suddenly found by chance a girl I've met almost a decade ago. Nothing too much, we were just casual friends and may have met at most a handful of times. We haven't seen each other since, and to be honest, I have virtually almost any memories of her. We were young, she was 18 and I was 20. She's 26 now and I'm 28.

 

We live 100 miles apart. I have a direct bus there which takes little less than one and a half hour. So it isn't THAT far. Thankfully.

 

We casually met online but within the first hour of conversation and checking my profile she recognized me. Eventually I remembered her too. Was a funny situation.

 

Incredibly, we clicked on the spot. Even before I went and checked her profile and pictures. She's really cute. We seem to have grown to be quite similar people, what we like and dislike, some personality traits, etc.

 

The initial flirt went on online and on the phone for a couple of weeks. We were supposed to meet the very next weekend after we "bumped into each other online" but we got it delayed a few times due to one or other circunstance.

 

It happened last weekend. I was going to have some small vacations a few miles away so I just went there. I won't mention much of the (long) story it was quite disastrous yet funny.

 

Just like online, we immediatly clicked. A lot of good conversation, casual touching, humour and good companionship. Nothing happened that day, and between our two encounters that day she did run into a lot of trouble (getting stranded at home a few miles away) and took her some time to find a ride.

 

She was a little moody and obviously stressed over the whole delay thing. It did affect our "2nd encounter" for a while, but after her ride left (they didn't seem in much of a good mood either), we were soon going into some really deep conversation, eye-to-eye, I totally lost track of the time by then. It really felt good and it seems like we do have a deep understanding about each other and we really connected there.

 

Well after that we got stranded again, this time by MY ride. 2 hours out in the cold, as all the pubs were closed (it's a very small city) still some good talk but she was obviously stressed. At that time she wasn't reacting too well because, TBH, we both were cold (especially her), tired, in need of a bathroom and sleepy. At that time was the only time that she didn't react too well to some casual touching, but it may be normal.. At some point she was really stressed. I'm a rather calm guy. So calm she tells me I calm her down (she justified it saying that I do seem to be so trully happy about myself and so relaxed).

 

I feel she is very insecure and fragile and hides it behind some shell. I can tell she does feel some kind of loneliness (I would bet people don't stay around her too much, she doesn't seem to have many lasting friends, but treasures the few ones she does) and frustration (she's not exactly in her dreamtown or dreamjob, but she has told me that). She's quite negativistic (and admitted it) and I would probably be right that she suffers from a depression of some sort (she has been treated for that before when she was young). From what I notice she has been psychologically abused from her father (who pressured her all her life) and, as far as I know, even from her first boyfriend (who I happen to know and immensely dislike!) who cheated on her.

She also seems a dependent person and quite undecided. She does have some noticeable mood swings.

On our deep conversation she also told me she looks for someone with a stronger personality than hers (I have a reasonably strong personality especially in person) and some other minor physical or psychological traits which I do seem to have. However she seems she may not like long-distance relationships.

 

As for touching (I do consider it to be very important) we were both very "touchy" - casually of course - and she even grabbed my hand to feel her rib (she does seem to have a problem there and had mentioned it to me before). So I'm obviously also inside of her "personal space" already.

 

She also seems to still be trying to get over her previous boyfriend. To be honest can't determine how long it has been (didn't ask) but I would bet it would be 4-6 months top. According to her she broke up with him because she felt like "his mommy" and he was way too dependent and controlling. Unluckily he did show up that same week (to help her pick her new car) before I went there and she did seem sad about it at the time.

 

She has been a little moody since my return (it was last weekend) and this weekend I'm going away again, this time not exactly close, so her visit to me will only happen the weekend after that or after. She was also moodier the week the ex "showed up".

 

From what I've noticed and can calculate her period is coming (or has just come) any day now - she mentioned it the last time she had it and it would fit exactly now. May also be important to mention it.

 

Our "date", if we can call it that, has indeed troublesome. I was in town for nearly 15 hours and was with her, in two separate times, 6 hours, at most. She had a family dinner she invited me to (I politely declined because it didn't seem too right) so we parted ways an hour before dinnertime. Not that it bothered me, I was having a lot of fun exploring the surroundings and sightseeing and she knew it. I was supposed to have stayed for the weekend but we couldn't book a room - high season - and had no reservation. She had offered to pay for the stay.

Generally speaking. I found it all to be positive. First encounter was exactly how it should be, funny, relaxed, even flirty. Second one was more "profound" and we really did connect, well at least until we got stranded out in the cold. Then we went back to funny conversation and well, sharing a bad situation. I DID have to call a mate to pick me up at 2AM since I didn't get a room and he did have to do 40 miles to pick us up (we dropped her home too). So I kind of forgave him for the delay. He did have his agenda.

 

We haven't shown our cards yet. Still "flirting". Even though she did send some drunk text messages some weeks ago saying she liked me (now she won't text me while drinking, she was a little ashamed of that). When sober, usually as far as she goes explicitally is saying she "likes me a little bit", usually with a wink. However on other terms we do get sometimes on sexual nuances and a lot of teasing.

I haven't been too "clingy" or even near that, have kept my own schedule (going out with friends and also girls), keep her constantly curious and add some mystery, play around with her, and even make fun of her in a flirty way, and basically kept up to my game really well so far.

While still very subliminar, our conversations (except when she's down she'll only react to flirting to SOME point) are usually very funny and enjoyable.

 

I really don't like distance either, however I am willing to try (also because she's willing to chance cities. To be honest so am I, so we could eventually find a middle ground.) so on the mid/long run we could easily get closer.

 

Lately and since her ex "appearance" she's been a little distant. Not too much, but just enough to be noticeable. Yet she still mentions pretty much every day something about her upcoming visit to me. So there's a lot of factors it may be:

 

1) she's obviously attracted to me and is afraid of getting hurt

2) she's still attracted to her ex enough to ruin or smother my chances, even though she, although sad, dismissed it.

3) she's entered a new level of "dating game" and is playing a little harder to get (she does react to me doing that, though). It's like cat and mouse, the days I don't talk to her as much she comes to me, and vice versa.

4) she's just testing me for insecurities or anything girls may wanna know.

5) add your option here

 

or maybe even a combination of all of those.

 

I'm planning on a down-to-earth but funny and pretty tour when she visits me and, if the situation calls for it, I WILL go for a kiss. I usually don't miss those chances. Of course, it's still at least a week away and a lot can happen in that time.

 

I really like her. I do have other girls interested in me but, consciously or not, I've made my choice. I just feel like she needs what I can offer her (comfort, emotional and psychological security, love, etc). She has already very recently dumped a guy (who I happen to know too - small world!) who just started acting all insecure and declared his love for her without even meeting her in person (he lives 300 miles away). What a bad move. But that's his problem. I think he just got too anxious when he noticed that I knew her and just digged his own hole. I am quite popular within our common grounds of musical interest and had a breathtaking girlfriend so even the thought (I never hinted anything) of me as possible competition probably drove him crazy. I'm sorry for him but.. Too bad! I also think (or would say am pretty sure) he has been doing a lot of emotional blackmail with the girl within the last 2-3 weeks. That obviously also affected her. But she got him immediatly on "friend-only" mode, if she hadn't before. They obviously had a lot going and seemed to be the best of friends.

 

Guys and especially gals. You may have been there. Any ideas/comments/suggestions?

 

I've been out of the dating game for some years now. Need to readjust.