Peter_pan Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I have been NC since end of may and if you count it that she didn't reply then its been since end of feb. I do still think about her alot and it still gets to me. I feel sad that we didnt stay in contact, although i know her having a new bf right away basically deemed it impossible for me. as far as i know, they broke up end of may or beginning of june. i know this of course because she went into the shop my mate works at when she was back down here visiting, and asked for my number from him since "she lost it" apprantly. which i don't think is true because the same friend spoke with her bro weeks before that and he had said she got my txt's and she was confused. i asked her best mate why she might be ignoring me, she replied saying because- she dosnt want to talk about him to anyone. she wouldn't even talk to me about it. it was from that reply from her friend that i gathered she was no longer with him , or at least (from her words) they are having problems and they fell out, but i think there ok now... so since end of may beg of june, they are apparently not together. I also got a bit of a message from a drunk mutual friend who knew her best mate from down here that someone has now moved in with her. when she went into the shop to ask for my number, my mate did say, give him a txt etc she simply said "maybe i will". i still havnt heard from her. i know i miss the old her. i miss our memories we had together. i dont know what she has become or became. It wasn't her when she got whisked away into her new life style. i dont know what she has thought or how she is thinking. i know i told myself i would contact her once i knew she wasnt with him. but for some reason i didnt. she could be back with him by now or with someone new. of course if i asked around i could find out, one thing that bothers me is that the mate of mine whom she went to see to talk and get my number etc didnt tell me she was back down here visiting for a week. i dont get why he didnt tell me this? should i ask him. so yeh basically ive had enough of no contact, if she txt me i would reply. i could finally pin some guilt on her and get what i should have said at the time out! i get the feeling she didnt contact me at the time was because obviously she was splitting with him, she thought i heard through someone and probably thought i would rub it in etc. and i also think she is to scared to talk to me for what she did and how she did it. on the other hand maybe she just dont give a f*** the reason i intially wanted a break and so we agreed was because i needed to be single "see what was out there"/ now i know there isnt anything or at least in the whole 6 months ive been looking my mind is more satisfied. however she did experience other new things. and got a new bf. this of course saddens me, as things cant be the same again can it.
wareagle Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I would wait for her to make contact, although you were the one who wanted a break. Still don't understand exactly what that means when two people love each other? But on the other hand, the hard side of me, the hard side that will side with the dumpee, is that you made your bed now you have to lie in it! Sorry Peter!
sultry33 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 hi peter did you break up with her then? i think you need to get busy.. if your not finding anyone then its probably 1/ you are trying too hard 2/ you are not ready i know for me its 2... im not ready i have had the chance but im ok as i am i dont want the drama and crap which comes with a rs.. do you think your friend is maybe looking out for you? i know you have questions etc but you need to make sure you will be ok with the answers.. she may be wanting to text you to tell you bad news.. who knows.. i know when my ex and me decided to go nc .. yea it was a choice we made.. i deleted his num and it appears he deleted mine.. so maybe thats what she did?
sultry33 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I would wait for her to make contact, although you were the one who wanted a break. Still don't understand exactly what that means when two people love each other? But on the other hand, the hard side of me, the hard side that will side with the dumpee, is that you made your bed now you have to lie in it! Sorry Peter! yep right with you on that one;)
Author Peter_pan Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 sorry i knew that would sound bad, it was half and half. basically she was the one who brought up the "i need space" and i also felt the same way. so i wrote down a big lost of options. we both agreed that we didn't want to lose each other and we needed to experience other things and be on our own so we can depend on ourselves. so we decided we would stay in the flat and see how it goes. 1 and a half months went by and i though we where both happier (yes we still argued and had bad times) but we never bothered to say lets be official again. it just never got to that point, i had alot of uncertainties since she was mean to me and we argues about small things, so i wasnt sure that i wanted to move into her new house that her dad was going to buy (i still went and viewed them all with her) she viewed me being unsure that i didnt want her, i did explain in a heartfelt letter that i knew she was the one, we just needed time and space and living in the same flat and seeing how it goes just wouldnt be good enough. we needed some proper time apart and it would rid the stress and thoughts right away. but then once she had got this new job she changed. I had then decided she was the one for me in my mind but it was to late she liked this new guy more than me and thats why she never wanted me back. and the way i found out was not very nice so really that sums it up
sultry33 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 im thinking to be honest you are better off without it.. in a month or so you still argued and had bad times... hmmm not good your still young yeah? live your life and if its meant to be it will be.. imo:love:
Author Peter_pan Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 just turned 21 yeh i didn't end it. i did everything i thought i cud do at the time to get her back, she just said it wasn't what she wanted anymore. yeh i think my friend is looking out for me but still? yeh it wasnt to good really. its not like we got on so well and couldn't not be with each other. i miss her though.
stolenheart123 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I too had enough of NC, i dont know why but i just feel its important for me to break it and have closure so I could really really really move on. I think tonight will determine it. Sometimes you need to feel more pain in order to get over something, although im not recommending it to anyone. You only live once, ive learned to live my life with no regrets, and thats my personal choice, i can live wit the repercussions. I suggest you be strong and think long and hard.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 I too had enough of NC, i dont know why but i just feel its important for me to break it and have closure so I could really really really move on. I think tonight will determine it. Sometimes you need to feel more pain in order to get over something, although im not recommending it to anyone. You only live once, ive learned to live my life with no regrets, and thats my personal choice, i can live wit the repercussions. I suggest you be strong and think long and hard. that pretty much sums up my feelings towards the whole NC. i'll admit at first i did it because i thought it would get her back. it didnt. however it has made me stronger. i know i dont want to hear anything that could crush me but at the same time it would test me as to whether i am over her or not. or at least help me be finally over it?
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I've been converted to the belief that everyone needs to break NC once, if not more, to realize why you maintain it. What usually happens is that people go back to square one, feeling like total crap and realizing why they split in the first place, but then end up healing faster. Consider it one step backwards, two or three steps forward.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 unless things go well between me and a waitress i know, then i may just have to go down that road.
stolenheart123 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I am about to break NC after three months, its what I personally need to move on. And sometimes you do need to move backwards after moving so much forward. I've become so much stronger, but I also know in my heart if this is what is meant to be I will move on faster. Three months gave me so much perspective, but regardless I will move on. You have to know what is right for you. If you cannot deal with the pain then do not contact her and just keep moving forward. Stay strong my friend
stolenheart123 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I just broke NC and I feel nothing, maybe im over her and I didnt realize it. I feel good, i now got all the answers i needed. I did this because I was on the verge of seeing someone else who is the total opposite of my ex. I now truly realize I am completely over my ex. I am so happy tonight its unreal. Stay strong and truly think about what you want.
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I just broke NC and I feel nothing, maybe im over her and I didnt realize it. I feel good, i now got all the answers i needed. I did this because I was on the verge of seeing someone else who is the total opposite of my ex. I now truly realize I am completely over my ex. I am so happy tonight its unreal. Stay strong and truly think about what you want.Okay, I have to ask since you're in such a good mood. You were 7-8 minutes between posts. Did you just say Hi, then hang up on her/him?
stolenheart123 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Today was her daughters birthday, thats why it was so hard on me, because I honestly wanted to break NC. As I was on LS, her daughter called me. It was all I ever wanted. I spoke to her daughter then I got to speak to her for about 2 mins and I had no feelings, no will to want to get back with her. I just now know i can be part of her daughters life and thats all i wanted. I'm so happy. She asked if I was ok, but i truly got the closure I needed, and I am thankful for that. Its all so weird
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Hey, 'Grats! That's quite an achievement! Only on LS do we congratulate people who move on. Twisted or what?
stolenheart123 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I am in complete shock, I cannot even comprehend what just happened. Life is crazy. I thank LS for all the advice of maintaing NC and getting me through this period in time.
stolenheart123 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Hey, 'Grats! That's quite an achievement! Only on LS do we congratulate people who move on. Twisted or what? Wooohooo I never thought the day would come where I was completely over her but today I am. Thank God for NC it truly has made me stronger and made me realize what life is about. I've regained who I am, I am truly happy now, after so long of desiring someone who never wanted me. I can move on and be with someone who wants me now. Thanks again LS
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Wooohooo I never thought the day would come where I was completely over her but today I am. Thank God for NC it truly has made me stronger and made me realize what life is about. I've regained who I am, I am truly happy now, after so long of desiring someone who never wanted me. I can move on and be with someone who wants me now. Thanks again LS You're almost giddy and it's translating to your text! It is a wonderful feeling because it's like you took this massive weight off your shoulders! I know exactly how you feel!
roghornio Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 unless things go well between me and a waitress i know, then i may just have to go down that road. man i love your chat. you got a new girl everytime you post keep it up! Don Juan de Pan.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 hehe well there are girls out there not many but some! ive kissed 5 girls since the ex, 2 where very attractive girls which i am attracted to, i just need one to like me back to perhaps start a re lol otherwise i think i will break the nc with my ex, maybe for closure tbh as i know this point in time it would be madness to go back in all honesty, how can you go back to someone that broke your heart and you as a person and didnt care about your feelings and what you want, why should it only be about what she wanted? she is spoiled (dad bought her a house...) and also how could you be with your first love (and i was hers) that has more than likely slept with some rat? ive had enough of asking about her through friends and getting drips and drabs, so i will go straight to the horses mouth as it where, should i need to.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 well the story goes... waited all week to see the waitress, spoke to her politely and was confident and smiley (i dont normally smile) i asked her what she had been up to and if she had a nice day. she replied yeh ive been shopping all day and my bf spoilt me rotten and bought me a £30 top. lol so yeh that pretty much sums up my theory. all the nice ones are taken, the rest are not interested
orangehose Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I've been converted to the belief that everyone needs to break NC once, if not more, to realize why you maintain it. What usually happens is that people go back to square one, feeling like total crap and realizing why they split in the first place, but then end up healing faster. Consider it one step backwards, two or three steps forward. Okay, you've mentioned this before, and I find it an interesting concept. Do you think this is true just for dumpees, or dumpers as well? I hope it's just a dumpee thing because I don't want to hear from my ex On my end, have never broken NC, because I'm too afraid of the pain that I know would result. I just can't wait for the guy to leave my town so there's no chance of run-ins either.
HeatherAngel Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 You know, I am going to throw this out here - sometimes breaking NC is okay... it was for me. It meant I knew more than I had before, and put me in a better place. It also showed us both that we need it for a little longer - to work on ourselves. All circumstances are different, and not all people will break NC and go back to square one.
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Okay, you've mentioned this before, and I find it an interesting concept. Do you think this is true just for dumpees, or dumpers as well? I hope it's just a dumpee thing because I don't want to hear from my ex On my end, have never broken NC, because I'm too afraid of the pain that I know would result. I just can't wait for the guy to leave my town so there's no chance of run-ins either. IMO, it doesn't matter which side of the coin a person is, it's reliant on what happened and the individual(s) involved. For example, many of the members desperately miss their exes and after a time period, start to paint them and their time together, with a rosy glow. In breaking NC, it can be a valuable reality check because more often than not, what the member wants/expects/hopes for, doesn't happen and also, the rosy glow disappears after the negative or value zero interaction.
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