mistresswchildren Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Hey, it's me again with all my drama. I have decided to contact his wife about the many e-mails her husband has been sending me over the course of the past year. She most likely thinks that he has had no contact with me over this year, and I feel that she has the right to know what has been going on. The last time he sent me an e-mail (besides the one about custody) he included some nice photos (the kind that no man should send unless they are going to his wife). I think that I have just gotten to the point where I will tell her everything because he is trying to make my life a living hell. He is saying that he wants some sort of custody, which doesn't make sense. So, if he thinks he is going to have a great time when he arrives home from Iraq, he is sorely mistaken. This has nothing to do with me having anger towards her. She didn't do anything (other than threaten my children). She believed her husband. She trusted him and cared about him. I did the same. I just finally feel that she has every right to know what has been going on while her husband has been claiming that they will fix their marriage. Maybe, I am wrong. I allowed her the choice. I e-mailed her and told her that more was going on than she knew. I told her that if she wanted to know what was going on that she could e-mail me back and get any information that she would like. This way, the choice really is hers. This time I have so much proof. She will know what is going on. She will know that he has been lying. The ideal situation would be that she dumps him and he is left alone (without money too because she'll take a lot of it). I want him to suffer the way he has made both of us suffer. I know that it may sound stupid, but until he started this whole custody thing, I would have been fine with never hearing another word from him. I would have been fine with leaving their marriage alone in all its splendor. Give me whatever feedback you guys can. I'm just a wreck over all of this.
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 They have children too, right? I wouldn't do anything. Yes I know you want him to suffer, but the best thing you can do for you is focus on your children and wait this out. If he is going to try to see your kids, have joint custody or even visitation, THAT is the time to talk to her, not before. Unfortunately for you, those kids are his, as much as you hate him, he still has rights - Unless he gives up his parental rights.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 MWC: Do what you have to do. I don't know what the best thing to do is in this case. I don't think it's a good idea to tell the W, but your situation is different in that you have children with him and he's threatening custody etc. Consult an attorney though! Protect you and your children's rights. At this juncture, who cares about his! ((HUGS))
LakesideDream Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Get support for your kids coming first... that means that first check in your hands! If you want to burn him to the ground then... so be it. Your number one priority should be your children. Get their support check, and their health insurance before you start kicking the ant nest. Please!
emily d Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Sigh! Hon, it really won't make any differrence, and it defendtly won't make any difference to a jerk. But it defently makes you look like a psycho ex! See my other post! People make mistake and regret it later. You are very moody now. It's normal to be mood swinging during the withdrawing period. Don't do anything while you were withdrawing, espeically not in the anger period you are having now! You will regret it! Don't burn the bridge!
SofiaLo Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Hi, Save the e-mails. sending them to her won't help you, but maybe using them to expose him if He does not give up his parental rights, if you are convinced this is the best for your children. Also think about the obligation he has toward the welfare of the kids. Maybe there is way He can comply without giving you grief. Consult with a lawyer and don't make any noise about it. Ignore the wife unless a lawyer tells you that He/she can send a "nice" letter to her.
bentnotbroken Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I am usually one to say tell the wife, but if she has threatened your children, I am not sure that is a good idea. Maybe you just inform the donkey that you will tell his wife is he continues to harass. I probably would show the emails to a judge if he pushes the custody issue. It will prove that he isn't stable.
Mino Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I say go for it... you want to be rid of him.. right? Why is it that all bs say tell, and then when ow has a legit reason, everybody says don't? She is in nc... He is still contacting ow ,not respecting her wishes. Throw his Azz under the bus... let him deal with the fallout.. he brought it unto himself... And why does everyone want the bs to live under a cloud of denial... as if she can't handle the truth ? Give the poor woman the truth.... she not made of glass.... she is not going to break, I would want to know too if he were my h. Here she thinks everything is back to normal, marriage is back on track.. She has dealt with this before... she is trusting, or tryng to forgive and trust her H again, and in the meantime the jerk is still being deceptive. Un cover him.. with all your proof... sure way to finally get the peace you want.... he is probably laughing at both of you, casue everybody is keeping their mouth shut and he contuinues to do what HE wants...Everybody always wants to be hush hush.... amazing...
crystal_lostheart Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Hi - I'm new to the forum and am amazed at how similar most of these situations are. Sometimes I even feel like contacting my MM's wife but i don't think I would. In your situation, if you want him to leave you alone, maybe you should.
jon01 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Hey, it's me again with all my drama. I have decided to contact his wife about the many e-mails her husband has been sending me over the course of the past year. She most likely thinks that he has had no contact with me over this year, and I feel that she has the right to know what has been going on. The last time he sent me an e-mail (besides the one about custody) he included some nice photos (the kind that no man should send unless they are going to his wife). I think that I have just gotten to the point where I will tell her everything because he is trying to make my life a living hell. He is saying that he wants some sort of custody, which doesn't make sense. So, if he thinks he is going to have a great time when he arrives home from Iraq, he is sorely mistaken. This has nothing to do with me having anger towards her. She didn't do anything (other than threaten my children). She believed her husband. She trusted him and cared about him. I did the same. I just finally feel that she has every right to know what has been going on while her husband has been claiming that they will fix their marriage. Maybe, I am wrong. I allowed her the choice. I e-mailed her and told her that more was going on than she knew. I told her that if she wanted to know what was going on that she could e-mail me back and get any information that she would like. This way, the choice really is hers. This time I have so much proof. She will know what is going on. She will know that he has been lying. The ideal situation would be that she dumps him and he is left alone (without money too because she'll take a lot of it). I want him to suffer the way he has made both of us suffer. I know that it may sound stupid, but until he started this whole custody thing, I would have been fine with never hearing another word from him. I would have been fine with leaving their marriage alone in all its splendor. Give me whatever feedback you guys can. I'm just a wreck over all of this. Why would you have a kid with a married man if you don't want to have hassles like this? Surely you don't think you are entitled to the only custody and visitation of the child. You shouldn't say anything to his wife. If anyone should suffer more than necessary, it's you and and him, not his poor wife. Leave her alone and next time have a kid with a guy who isn't married.
GPFan Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I e-mailed her and told her that more was going on than she knew. I told her that if she wanted to know what was going on that she could e-mail me back and get any information that she would like. This way, the choice really is hers. This time I have so much proof. She will know what is going on. She will know that he has been lying.I think going a purely legal route would have been best but what is done is done. How about pursuing only legal means from this point on? Go NC with both of them once you allow her the courtesy of answering questions. The ideal situation would be that she dumps him and he is left alone (without money too because she'll take a lot of it). I want him to suffer the way he has made both of us suffer.You may be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I hope none of this backfires on you.
SeaBrooke Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I certainly can more than appreciate your anger. But, easy it to make decisions that we later we regret when we are caught up in strong emotions, and trying to cope with them. You are in the "moment" with your anger. You have no idea what the future will bring to you. I wouldn't jepordize the child support for all the tea in China. If you are raising a child with no support from the father, it does effect the quality of life of the Child. If you are well off enough you personally don't need said support. You could do a very good thing for your child and invest the money for the child instead of using it for day to day living expenses. The world inwhich we live is a hell of an expensive place. What if you become ill in hte future, can't provide as you do now??? You never know. None of us do. Try and remove yourself from your anger for a minute, think of this 5 years from now when the dust has settled a bit. That income coming in will be of help to you. Of that I am 100% certain. Now, having said all of that, many women who divorce have nasty exh's. they have to deal with. A custody battle is all too common, in those cases, you weren't married to him but nonetheless. It's still more or less the same deal. I would express all of my concerns to a mediator of the court, or an attorney if you have one. The harrassment is in fact, emotional abuse, courts take that seriously, at least in the state that I reside. If you set aside your anger, and stick calmly to the facts, he could end up shooting himself in the foot very easily here. But, if you get caught up in mud slinging..... you could just as easily be seen as a scorned woman who's a trouble maker. If you start a battle with his with. How many battles, do you need. He controls his own behavior. The wife obviously is not enough of an influence to prevent him from having an affair, or even in this case.... keep him from harrassing you. The wife isn't his mother, she is a wife. She took him back fully well knowing who and what he is. If she is in Denial, it's by choice. She's no different than the rest of us who have gut instincts and intuition. From what I have read here, Your job is protect you. So, listen to your gut and do what you would advise a good friend to do. My guess that would be to protect herself, physically, financially,emotionally. Starting a battle with the W, will only add fuel to his fire, and your problems will escalate. I am not in anyway condoning his behavior, nor am I about protecting the W... It's about You in the long run haul of things. This children grow up, people also talk.... down the road years from now, it could be a very real thing that one day your child learns how all this was played out. How, do you want your child to view your role in it all???? Talk to a professional, even a therapsit is a good place to start. If he isn't being stable in his decisions, and has a pattern of not keeping to his word.... and harrasses you even before he is home from Iraq, well he's setting the stage to have things go in your favor, provided you handle this smartly. Please give this some thought, by palcing yoru emotions to the side for a little while.
Meaplus3 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Hey, it's me again with all my drama. I have decided to contact his wife about the many e-mails her husband has been sending me over the course of the past year. She most likely thinks that he has had no contact with me over this year, and I feel that she has the right to know what has been going on. The last time he sent me an e-mail (besides the one about custody) he included some nice photos (the kind that no man should send unless they are going to his wife). I think that I have just gotten to the point where I will tell her everything because he is trying to make my life a living hell. He is saying that he wants some sort of custody, which doesn't make sense. So, if he thinks he is going to have a great time when he arrives home from Iraq, he is sorely mistaken. This has nothing to do with me having anger towards her. She didn't do anything (other than threaten my children). She believed her husband. She trusted him and cared about him. I did the same. I just finally feel that she has every right to know what has been going on while her husband has been claiming that they will fix their marriage. Maybe, I am wrong. I allowed her the choice. I e-mailed her and told her that more was going on than she knew. I told her that if she wanted to know what was going on that she could e-mail me back and get any information that she would like. This way, the choice really is hers. This time I have so much proof. She will know what is going on. She will know that he has been lying. The ideal situation would be that she dumps him and he is left alone (without money too because she'll take a lot of it). I want him to suffer the way he has made both of us suffer. I know that it may sound stupid, but until he started this whole custody thing, I would have been fine with never hearing another word from him. I would have been fine with leaving their marriage alone in all its splendor. Give me whatever feedback you guys can. I'm just a wreck over all of this. I think you will only be adding more fuel to the fire if you are to take it upon yourself to inform the W. If the W is to hear anything.. it should come directly from him. As to the custody issue, there is a legal sytem in place for that. If you are concearned then I think you should speak with an attorney. Let this MM and his W work out their marriage. Your focus should be on your children. Best wishes. AP:)
GreenEyedLady Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 MWC: I am hoping you are doing better. You are the one who matters here. Your children are going to love you no matter what happens. Do what you need to do in order to make yourself feel secure and your children safe. Wait and see what the W does and then decide your route. I agree with Mino. If you want XMM out of your life for good, this is the way to do it. Protect yourself and your children. XMM has to deal with the consequences of his actions sometimes. As for child support, it's a wonderful notion, but often doesn't measure up to all the hype. They don't even pay it sometimes and it's hella hard to make them, no matter what laws and safety nets are there. Red tape, red tape, red tape. So don't worry about jeopardizing your child support. (Are you even receiving it yet?) If he violates a court order, then again, he is the one who has to answer for that. Please continue to post. Ignore any posts that are upsetting to you. There are those of us who will support you and I'm sure even those who wish to help aren't realizing that they are only hurting. GEL
me003 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Why would you have a kid with a married man if you don't want to have hassles like this? Surely you don't think you are entitled to the only custody and visitation of the child. You shouldn't say anything to his wife. If anyone should suffer more than necessary, it's you and and him, not his poor wife. Leave her alone and next time have a kid with a guy who isn't married. I didn't meant to get pregnant from my husband either... don't think most people who are born are planned. Also, he is my xH because he was not a great guy, YET he was single when i met him. So what's your advice to me here?????
jon01 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 So what's your advice to me here????? I don't know, maybe this?
me003 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Go the legal route. it will take a long time, but you have to know that no matter what you think and know the courts will find what is in the best interest of the child. The emails you have are proof of the kind of person he is. He has legal rights and he may even turn it around and say that it has been you that has not allowed him to see his kids. think of this as a poker game.. Do not let the other party know what hand you have until you need it. Wife took him back, and will probably take him back again. Women forgive a lot. A lot of my army friends are wives and they know the deal about OW. It is a common thing in their lives. (not sure of your XMM is full time or not) Good luck and just breath and breath some more. Don't act on your impulses.
me003 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I don't know, maybe this? VERY NICE Jon, but we used condoms with my exH. If you read, they are not 100%, but I'm sure you know that. Maybe I missed the little fine print, no birth control is 100%. oops... my mistake Or as I like to call it my SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Author mistresswchildren Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 VERY NICE Jon, but we used condoms with my exH. If you read, they are not 100%, but I'm sure you know that. Maybe I missed the little fine print, no birth control is 100%. oops... my mistake Or as I like to call it my SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!! LOL I was the same way. I was on birth control with my son. I had other issues and was given a prescription for hormones. Those hormones counteracted the pill. Thus, surprise number one. Second child was a broken condom countered with the fact that I could not take birth control yet as I was still breast feeding. Again, oops. Lord knows it happens. I actually know a girl that had an IUD in place, and the baby was born with it in his hand. Guess what, no matter how you try to keep it from happening, if a child is meant to be in this world, it will be in this world.
Author mistresswchildren Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Just so you all know, everything that I have done has worked to my advantage. His wife must have gotten upset and told him about the issue. He has now decided he just wants me to go away. He said he will provide the child support and medical coverage as long as we never have to speak again. That is fine by me!!!!! I haven't been talking to him for months anyhow. It is a relief for now, but you never know what the future holds. I will just make sure that I am ready for anything, but as for now, this man is gone! He never cared about his children, and if he did, then he has now proven that it was superficial. I think that if he had continued to push for custody, at least I would know that maybe part of him cared. Now I know that when push comes to shove, he just doesn't care about any of this. He cares about one person and one person only, HIMSELF!
porter218 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I was the same way. I was on birth control with my son. I had other issues and was given a prescription for hormones. Those hormones counteracted the pill. Thus, surprise number one. Second child was a broken condom countered with the fact that I could not take birth control yet as I was still breast feeding. Again, oops. Lord knows it happens. I actually know a girl that had an IUD in place, and the baby was born with it in his hand. Guess what, no matter how you try to keep it from happening, if a child is meant to be in this world, it will be in this world. LMAO..wow I would have loved to see a picture of that! By the way...for future information...you actually can take birth control when breastfeeding, and should if you don't want "Irish twins" . Some lactation consultants tell you it may decrease your milk flow but that isn't too likely. But back to topic, I think contacting the wife will shut MM up. I would do it if I were you.
me003 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I am glad t hat it all worked out for you. Just remember to keep all conversation on file for future mishaps.
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