miamimike Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Sorry this might be a long story... My gf and I have been dating for over 3 years- we've had ups and downs but its gone well so far. I graduated a year ago, and we broke up for about a month. I did NC for a month, then slowly won her back. Since then everything had been probably better than ever. She recently graduated and just started med school last week. The few months since her graduation have been tough as I lost my job and moved in with my parents, and she moved with her super controlling parents for the summer. In previous summers when we were both in college, we saw each other a ton during the summer because our parents' houses were only 90 mins away. This summer sucked because she was stressed out and couldn't find a summer job, and her parents would give her a very hard time if she "wasted time to see" me. I was hurt that she wouldn't see me but she claimed she wanted to but it wasn't her choice. Normally she would move heaven and earth to see me, but she didn't this summer and that hurt me. Now she has started med school and wants to take a break and have some space. She had mentioned a break before, but I talked her out of it a few times. The breaking point came last night: I saw her last Saturday, she wouldnt return my calls since I left her apt 3 hours away. I was probably too desperate and called her a bunch but only got one email that she was really busy and I needed to leave her alone. I have OCD, so not hearing from her drove me crazy even though I knew she had a valid excuse. I finally got in touch with her through AIM last night and she told me her brain was too fried to talk about our relationship for a while and that we needed a break. Then she e-hung up on me. My question is how long should I give her space? I won her back before, but I am worried that now she will realize med school is easier when she doesnt have to worry about relationship problems. I know she likes me and doesnt want to date anyone else, but I am nervous that I lost her for good this time. Any suggestions? PS- I sent her flowers this morning(I know, rookie mistake) but it just included a simple note that I would give her space and good luck on her test.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 When someone asks for space, your only choice is to give it. Otherwise, anything you do will be met with frustration and resentment. She has been trying to nicely break up with you for a while, it sounds like. The more you try to resist that, the less likely it is she is going to continue being nice about it. Back off. Way off. No more contacting her in any way. Let her be the next one to contact. When she does, no more relationship talk. That is what she is trying to get away from.
lovelorcet Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 You need to stop contacting her. She has asked many times now for space and you really need to give it to her.
0hpenelope Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 miamimike, when someone says they don't want to talk, they really don't. It's quite unreasonable to ask us how long to give her space - your lady's the only one who can decide that. Don't grovel! You don't want to drive her away from you anymore than she's already away. It's a matter of self-respect again. You went NC for a month; now, do NC again for as long as it needs to be. My question is how long should I give her space? I won her back before, but I am worried that now she will realize med school is easier when she doesnt have to worry about relationship problems. I know she likes me and doesnt want to date anyone else, but I am nervous that I lost her for good this time. Any suggestions? You're worried that she'll realize med school is easier without a relationship? What if that's true for her? I'm an undergrad in a Pharmacy program and our undergraduate program can be hellish. She's not going to date anyone else - she'll be too busy. Med school? If she's going to be my future doctor or my parents' future doctor, I want her razor sharp and focused on her schooling. In fairness to you, she knows her priorities, she's working towards her goal... she's getting focused. No wonder you're attracted to her. Now give her support and give her space.
Recommended Posts