'Til death do us part

[trubella]

I'm just wondering how many of you don't believe in divorce?

 

the bf and I talk alot about future lately and one thing we do agree on is divorce is never an option, atleast with us. only exceptions i'd ever consider it is if my future H was abusive or a serial cheater.

 

I'm sure there are ppl who go in to a M with that belief only to divorce a few years later, i just dont personally see that happening in my case.

 

we're not religious, think we've just seen enough couples in our lifetime split for petty reasons that couldve been resolved instead of taking the easy way out.

 

both of our parents have been married for over 30 years- alot of up and downs but they're M is still intact and theyre happy. thats something i strive to have in the future.

[Rorocher]

I don't believe in divorce either. Partly for religious reasons, partly for cultural reasons and partly for my own personal convictions. I see marriage as teamwork, where my SO is a part of me. This means, anything I do affects him as well. If I hurt him, I'm hurting myself. If I make him happy, I'm making myself happy.

 

My parents have been married 35 years and they have had their share of disagreements but you should see my mom spring to my dad's defense, especially to outsiders. Almost reminds me of a lion with her cubs, she just has that proctectiveness about her. She always says your family is your family, you may not always enjoy them, but that's your blood, there is no walking away. She instilled in her children.

 

I think it's important to marry someone who shares your convictions, whatever they may be, especially about divorce. Being with someone who also doesn't see divorce as an option makes it easier to fight for the marriage even at those times when you don't have any more fight left in you.

[quankanne]

I do and I don't, if you know what I mean.

 

marriage is forever, but it's kind of hard seeing it as a healthy, good, and – in Catholic speak – sacramental when there are serious problems like abuse and serial cheating. Under those conditions, I say divorce is not only smart, but a must, because marriage isn't supposed to be about sticking around in an obviously unhealthy relationship.

 

and I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't mean for it to be that Spouse X has the carte blanche to smack around Spouse Y just because they're married!

[quankanne]

and speaking of Catholics, I think a lot of Catholic women feel that while divorce might not be an option, death is. Meaning, they'd have no problem taking out their husbands if need be

[Lizzie60]

I don't believe in divorce cause I don't believe in marriage... simple as that.. why go through all the pain and hassle for a couple of years..

[JackJack]

I believe in divorce just as I believe in marriage.

 

My wife and I discussed this before, and if there is, cheating, or abuse of any kind, off to divorce court we go.

[JackJack]

and speaking of Catholics, I think a lot of Catholic women feel that while divorce might not be an option, death is. Meaning, they'd have no problem taking out their husbands if need be

 

:lmao:

[trubella]

I don't believe in divorce either. Partly for religious reasons, partly for cultural reasons and partly for my own personal convictions. I see marriage as teamwork, where my SO is a part of me. This means, anything I do affects him as well. If I hurt him, I'm hurting myself. If I make him happy, I'm making myself happy.

 

think this has alot to do with my SOs mindset with divorce. he's not die hard religious person but he comes from a cultural/religious background that isnt too keen on divorce. but i agree it has alot to do with teamwork, im not one to give up easily in whatever i do. once im commited to someone theres no looking back for me.

[Shygirl15]

I'm just wondering how many of you don't believe in divorce?

 

the bf and I talk alot about future lately and one thing we do agree on is divorce is never an option, atleast with us. only exceptions i'd ever consider it is if my future H was abusive or a serial cheater.

 

I'm sure there are ppl who go in to a M with that belief only to divorce a few years later, i just dont personally see that happening in my case.

 

both of our parents have been married for over 30 years- alot of up and downs but they're M is still intact and theyre happy. thats something i strive to have in the future.

 

I used to think that way too. We went into the marriage swearing divorce will never happen to us, ever. I just didn't see it happening. Plus no one in my family or his has ever divorced, so I knew I was good.

 

The seemingly petty reasons for breakup are infact the ones that people find hard to put up with, and most of them cannot get resolved. And almost every couple that finally reached this painful decision, have tried all means necessary to resolve their issue to no avail. They didn't just get up and leave.

[trubella]

 

 

I used to think that way too. We went into the marriage swearing divorce will never happen to us, ever. I just didn't see it happening. Plus no one in my family or his has ever divorced, so I knew I was good.

 

The seemingly petty reasons for breakup are infact the ones that people find hard to put up with, and most of them cannot get resolved. And almost every couple that finally reached this painful decision, have tried all means necessary to resolve their issue to no avail. They didn't just get up and leave.

 

from what ive witnessed? seeing friends and relatives divorce, remarry, divorce, remarry (you get the idea) there are plenty of couples who dont even try everything they can to make to it work. either one of the parties refuses MC or to atleast compromise when an issue arises, which eventually leads to the end of the M.

 

I just think with the high divorce rate alone in this county and seeing couples who decide to get marry on a whim, not realizing it is a serious commitment that their making, some people dont necessarily think it though until their hit with a reality check that M isnt all sunshine and rainbows, it takes alot of hard work. i've never even married before and even i know its not something to take lightly.

 

and like i stated in the original post im sure there are couples who go into it thinking "that will never be us and our marriage will last" im just saying it will never be me.. period lol.

[blair08]

Yes, I believe in getting divorced. I also believe in trying all things possible to salvage a marriage too, before throwing in the towel.

 

I know of a couple right now, my in laws to be exact, who have been married 52 years. I understand for whatever reason, they didn't divorce, but to me they should have. I think it was more so her choice to stay, he could have cared less really. I think if she had said, "I want a divorce." He would have said ."OK." I know she told me before she could have left and divorced but she stayed for the kids. The sad thing is, even she has told me because she stayed she really believes to this day her kids (who are all grown) have issues becasue of it. Far more so than if she had divorced. My husband (her youngest son) is one of them that has issues because of her choice. Its sad because to this day she sits and regrets and wonders what it would have been like had she divorced, and she stays depressed all the time.

[Rorocher]

 

 

I used to think that way too. We went into the marriage swearing divorce will never happen to us, ever. I just didn't see it happening. Plus no one in my family or his has ever divorced, so I knew I was good.

 

The seemingly petty reasons for breakup are infact the ones that people find hard to put up with, and most of them cannot get resolved. And almost every couple that finally reached this painful decision, have tried all means necessary to resolve their issue to no avail. They didn't just get up and leave.

 

You know what, that IS a good point, those seemingly petty reasons that can't be worked out. Why are they so hard to work out? Do we get so resentful of each other that a compromise just can't be reached or what?

 

Shygirl, it sounds like you are divorced. What are some of the petty reasons you couldn't overcome if you don't mind sharing.

[silktricks]

I believe in divorce. But, I believe that divorce should truly be used as a last resort. I don't know if it's good or bad that it's as easy to get as it is now, but at times it is absolutely necessary.

[Woggle]

I don't believe divorce should be done lightly but if the other party treats you like garbage and doesn't give a crap about then leave. I don't believe in the grass is greener thing but if the grass on your side is toxic get out.

[trubella]

I don't know if it's good or bad that it's as easy to get as it is now, but at times it is absolutely necessary.

 

i often wonder if it was harder to marry or divorce would the divorce rate be as high as it is now? maybe if there was premarital c as a requirement, or it took longer to d under certain circumstances.

[demrea]

i believe in divorce because i believe in freedom for people to choose their own path in life.

 

that being said, i have made a conscious decision to get married so that i had a reason to stick out the hard times.

 

its not the "until death do us part" part that keeps me married. its the "through good times and bad" part that reminds me of the vows I made.

 

that being said, divorce is an option, just not one i am prepared to considere.

 

my wife wont cheat, she wont have sex with me, never mind some one else! :cool:

[Woggle]

I think it should be very easy to marry and divorce and all forms of financial support after divorce except child support should be done away with. If one party doesn't want the marriage the system can't force them but nobody should be forced to pay for something that was thrust upon them through no fault of their own.

[reddog63]

I'm just wondering how many of you don't believe in divorce?

 

the bf and I talk alot about future lately and one thing we do agree on is divorce is never an option, atleast with us. only exceptions i'd ever consider it is if my future H was abusive or a serial cheater.

 

I'm sure there are ppl who go in to a M with that belief only to divorce a few years later, i just dont personally see that happening in my case.

 

we're not religious, think we've just seen enough couples in our lifetime split for petty reasons that couldve been resolved instead of taking the easy way out.

 

both of our parents have been married for over 30 years- alot of up and downs but they're M is still intact and theyre happy. thats something i strive to have in the future.

 

I was too young and naive to know what I believed when I was young.

 

I now believe in divorce. As you get older you see so many people unhappy. People stay for the sake of staying or are too scared to be on their own.

 

Now, if people really tried to treat each other as the vows intended, then yes, maybe I would not believe in divorce. But you run into the common scenerios..........no more sex.........nagging.........etc..........in other words, no one wants to put the work into the marriage or they get too lazy, and resentments build , etc...........its funny in a not so funny way, but how many posts are from someone so sad their partner left but admit they knew they were treating them like crap.

 

 

I do not want to grow old staying in a so so marriage, with little enthusiam, but just out of habit or because society says you should or you are too scared to make the move.

[porter218]

I'm just wondering how many of you don't believe in divorce?

 

the bf and I talk alot about future lately and one thing we do agree on is divorce is never an option, atleast with us. only exceptions i'd ever consider it is if my future H was abusive or a serial cheater.

 

I'm sure there are ppl who go in to a M with that belief only to divorce a few years later, i just dont personally see that happening in my case.

 

we're not religious, think we've just seen enough couples in our lifetime split for petty reasons that couldve been resolved instead of taking the easy way out.

 

both of our parents have been married for over 30 years- alot of up and downs but they're M is still intact and theyre happy. thats something i strive to have in the future.

Are you saying that if your H just cheated a couple times but not serially that you wouldn't consider D?

I don't beleive in D for petty stuff but I do for those larger issues like the things you promised in your vows. I have been surrounded by many long lasting happy Ms in my family but that doesn't make me feel like I must stay in mine if I can't fix it. Like woggle said "I don't believe in the grass is greener thing but if the grass on your side is toxic get out. "

[silktricks]

all forms of financial support after divorce except child support should be done away with

 

I can understand and even agree with this feeling in many ways (though I do see some very large size holes in the idea ). One issue I have with child support in its current rendition is that it is quite often not CHILD support but rather spousal support redefined as child support - and then not tax deductible as is alimony (spousal support). Thus the parent paying support can become practically an indentured servant to their ex - and the "child" support doesn't not diminish if the ex remarries.

[trubella]

Are you saying that if your H just cheated a couple times but not serially that you wouldn't consider D?

 

if it happened more than once i'd consider it. i've seen too many women claim they would leave their H if he ever cheated only to be put in that predicament and stayed with them anyway.

 

in that type of situation i would say that COULD happen to me, im not immune to it. in cases like that i think MC could benefit a M, it might be salvageable.

 

but if its a repetitive thing then yeah i'd consider D.

[Tony T]

Generally speaking, it's no more...'til death do we part. It's more like 'til one of us gets sick and tired of being married to the other. That's the way it happens. It only takes one to want to leave and there are a myriad of reasons this happens...and infidelity is at the lower end of causes. People change, grow apart. Money gets scarce. Couples get older and are no longer attracted to each other. Kids complicate things. Marriage is very complicated and unfortunately many people take it lightly.

 

It takes two incredibly evolved, open minded people to make it work...'til death!

[JooSee]

I'm open to divorce because I think that having a choice is is good option. People change so much over time. How can anyone go into marriage knowing if they can live up to all of their vows? Are they psychic?? I don't think marriage should be an end all be all. I do think it should be taken seriously though, and that the vow should say I promise to TRY MY BEST, and not offer "forever" expectations. Till death do us part would never be uttered at my wedding...if I ever marry.

 

But I think its selfish to expect another person to stay in the marriage because of the vows. Life goes by fast, and in the end, you die alone. You better make the most out of it while you can. Its a shame some people stay in marriages when they doont want to. They've already died because they've given themselves up.

 

I think my mother would do wonderful if she left my dad. It would be scary as hell for her, but they are just soooo different now. she loves the sun, and excitement, and he hates the sun and is a homebody. she cooks, cleans, and fully takes care of him, AND is the breadwinner (at this time). she's asked me if my man ever cleans, or cooks. OF COURSE, I said, and I think she wishes she had a modern day man. My dad wouldn't survive without her though. I dont think he's ever so much as put something in the microwave by himsef.

[Rorocher]

Then again, it's one thing to stay till death do you part but how many of those long standing marriages are happy?. I know every day won't be christmas but overall, what percentage of their marriage would most couples attribute to happiness and what percentage to misery and work? I wonder.

 

Is it the quantity of years together or the quality of the marriage?

[Rorocher]

I'm open to divorce because I think that having a choice is is good option. People change so much over time. How can anyone go into marriage knowing if they can live up to all of their vows? Are they psychic?? I don't think marriage should be an end all be all. I do think it should be taken seriously though, and that the vow should say I promise to TRY MY BEST, and not offer "forever" expectations. Till death do us part would never be uttered at my wedding...if I ever marry.

 

But I think its selfish to expect another person to stay in the marriage because of the vows. Life goes by fast, and in the end, you die alone. You better make the most out of it while you can. Its a shame some people stay in marriages when they doont want to. They've already died because they've given themselves up.

 

I think my mother would do wonderful if she left my dad. It would be scary as hell for her, but they are just soooo different now. she loves the sun, and excitement, and he hates the sun and is a homebody. she cooks, cleans, and fully takes care of him, AND is the breadwinner (at this time). she's asked me if my man ever cleans, or cooks. OF COURSE, I said, and I think she wishes she had a modern day man. My dad wouldn't survive without her though. I dont think he's ever so much as put something in the microwave by himsef.

 

Do you think your mom had any inkling of your dad's personality before she married him? Did she take care of him pre-marriage or did he just change overtime?.

 

I know many couples, who often think thier partner will change after marriage. My mother is one of them. She complains that after 35 years of marriage, my dad still does the same stuff that annoyed her when they were newly weds. I roll my eyes and wonder how she could have been so clueless. Ofcourse, he's not going to change. She knew what she was getting into before she married the guy..bless his heart.