Carl Lomas Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 I'm not really worried about THIS particular guy as much as I am curious about the impact of asking a guy out and how that changes the "chasing" dynamic. Well take this from a guy who dated girls for years, NEVER ask a man out. It makes you look desperate and that is not a good look! If you have made the same mistakes before then why carry on doing it? We make our mistakes so that we can learn by them but you seem to be having difficulties realizing this I am also glad that you are not worried about this man as he does not seem that interested in you
vonerik012 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 It's not a good idea for women to get dating advice from gay men, or other women. Every man on this thread is telling you the same. If the man likes you, either of you can ask each other out. It's really funny when women put men into boxes like "alpha" or "not alpha", and then think everything is black and white. I mean do women come in simply 2 types? What are the 2 types? Its similar to having sex early. If the man likes you, its all good. If he doesn't like you, he would not like you either way. You won't manipulate a man into liking you by asking him out, or not asking him out etc. It doesn't work that way. But by now you should KNOW if he is interested. if he is telling you he wants to take things slow, chances are he is not.
Yamaha Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 You seem to analyze the heck out of every situation. If you want to ask a guy out- I don't think most of them would have a problem if their interested. Why do you feel the need to validate everything you do when it comes to romance? I'm sure your not like this in your professional life so be confident and secure in yourself. If he doesn't like YOU then find someone who does and stop trying to change yourself.
Carl Lomas Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 She seems so deperate to have a man, that is so sad really
Lauriebell82 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 After reading the thread I have mixed feelings. My instinct is to never ask a man out who you are not already in a relationship with. I ask my boyfriend out all the time, like suggesting going to dinner. After 3 dates I would think that may be too forward. Could you do it? Yes, of course you can. It just may not work out like you hoped. Truth of the matter is, if a man is interested in you he will come get you, no chase is even needed. If he doesnt ask you out on a 4th date then don't worry about it. There are always more fish in the sea.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 She seems so deperate to have a man, that is so sad really That's so far from the truth it's actually funny. I date ALL the time. I rarely find anyone who's able to capture my attention. If I were desperate to have a man, I'd be shacking up with one of the many dudes who contact me for dates on a regular basis.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 After reading the thread I have mixed feelings. My instinct is to never ask a man out who you are not already in a relationship with. I ask my boyfriend out all the time, like suggesting going to dinner. After 3 dates I would think that may be too forward. Could you do it? Yes, of course you can. It just may not work out like you hoped. Truth of the matter is, if a man is interested in you he will come get you, no chase is even needed. If he doesnt ask you out on a 4th date then don't worry about it. There are always more fish in the sea. Why doesn't the same rule apply to women? If a woman is interested in a guy, why isn't she expected to come to him as well?
vonerik012 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Why doesn't the same rule apply to women? If a woman is interested in a guy, why isn't she expected to come to him as well? Because men and women are different. You are expected to come to him when he asks you to.
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Because men and women are different. You are expected to come to him when he asks you to. Mark this day on the calendar. I actually agree with you. Where I don't agree is that you don't have to come when he whistles! You'll also find that alphas and non-alphas will react differently. Of course there are variables in-between both extremes.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I don't think Star has a problem attracting men...quite the opposite. Anyway, I totally get your question because it there are a lot of opinions and it is hard to tell what you should do. Maybe one guy would love it if you asked them out after the 3rd date, maybe another would think it was too much. *sigh* dating is so needlessly difficult.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Well, I never want to hear another man b*tching that women never ask them out - this is one of the reasons we don't!
Krytie TV Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 It depends on the type of man you are trying to attract. from what I know about you, SG, you want a man who isn't freaked out by being asked out by you (apparently these are called non-alpha's, in which case I'd like to know for my own sake what exactly being a non-alpha is supposed to mean to me), and if they are freaked out you have just saved yourself the hassle of trying to reel in the macho man that doesn't need you. I actually think you should make it a point to ask men out as much as you want. Think of all the trouble you save with every man you freak out. Those that remain, I think, would be more suited to what you want.
vonerik012 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 What men DO NOT like is bossy women. Or women who try and call the shots in the early stages. Some situations are different. I dated a girl, and after 2 dates she texted me saying sometime we should go to the mountains. I liked that as it showed she was thinking of me. That is different than her calling and saying "This weekend I want to go to the mountains, do you want to go to?"
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 This is what I'm looking for: A somewhat of an Alpha Male who will go after what he wants, but also isn't spooked or bugged when a woman asks him out on occasion. Does this man exist? And if a guy does get spooked from me asking him out (for a 4th date when he's done the asking up until that point), should I just consider it his loss, not mine? Or would you say my invitation was a mistake? Keep in mind the guy in question is a true gentleman, and has made it clear that he likes to take his time when dating someone new. That may or may not mean that he doesn't want to be asked out, because I suppose he could see that as pressure. But seriously, do I have to sit here and wait for the dude to make all the moves? Situations like this make me wish I were the man... Does this man exist? Yes and no. I think what you want is more of a confident man than the Alpha man. A confident man is sort of like the Alpha man, but without the posturing and chest-beating. Alphas (and Alpha hopefuls) are the ones who get in bar fights over minor things; it's more to assert their control than anything. A confident guy is the one who doesn't wade in pointlessly just to start s__t, but he won't take s__t either. If you come to him in tears, the first words out of his mouth will be "whose a$$ do I have to kick?". Confident guys don't care what the world thinks of them. They're the guys who, when they have a quiet night in, don't see anything odd about watching Gilmore Girls and then flipping over to the UFC fights right after. The trick is that, unlike Alphas, they don't advertise (in fact, they usually go out of their way to NOT advertise), so they are harder to find. You'll be happy to know that there ARE confident men out there who couldn't care less about being Alpha. After all, Alphas have to spend all their time obtaining and retaining control, and who's got the time or inclination for that? Especially when it comes to women - a confident guy doesn't need to assert himself over her, and in fact, he likes a girl who can make up her own mind. If they wanted blind obedience, they'd get a puppy dog, not a girl. They're guys who are impressed by a girl who'll ask him out. As you know, girls get approached all the time; you have no need to make an effort and risk the rejection by being the asker. So when you do make the effort, it's a big thing, and believe me, we do take notice of it. Well, I never want to hear another man b*tching that women never ask them out - this is one of the reasons we don't! If you want practice asking a guy out, feel free to come up to Toronto; I offer my services. Just be warned - there's a strong chance that I'll say yes! When's the last time you said "wahoo"? (bonus points if you know where that's from)
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