wildsoul Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 This Affair is Over by Nanette Miner I've been eagerly awaiting my book to arrive. Sheesh. I am both shocked and annoyed upon opening the package. The book is the thinnest book I've ever seen. 60 pages, including all the fluff intro/index pages. Large font. IT'S A PAMPHLET not a book. I want my $13 back. I'll spend the half and hour it will take to read it, but then I think I'll actually bother returning it to Amazon. True, I didn't read the fine print on the order page where it gives the page count, but usually price is a good indicator. This book should only cost $4.95 at most. Grrr.
Author wildsoul Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 I read the book cover to cover. I still think the book is over priced for the amount of content. However, the content is good. In a nutshell, there are interviews with a few OW's telling their story. The book clearly shows how all the stories are pretty much the SAME. It gives specific mention to the stories/excuses MP use to hook and keep their OP's in the affairs. One part I liked a lot was about "selective hearing." You know, the kind of denial we OW use to rationalize things. The MM will say things that mean they are NOT committed, yet we often hear it as if they ARE committed to us. Great stuff there. The boards here are much much better than the book. Some of you posters blow the therapist away. YET, this book is valuable for a bedside read or maybe to carry in my purse on days when I feel weak. The book is short, but very good about cutting through denial. For those wondering, the book is pretty much saying A's don't work (except in 1% of cases.) There is a section on examples of ones that did work. VERY SHORT. But what was good is that it shows the ones that worked followed one of two patterns: The MM left his W very very soon (3 mos in the example)The OW actually liked being in an affair (which is the minority)So that gave me insights too. The author asserts that no excuse, even kids, is worth buying and waiting around for, as the pain of waiting is too great for most OW. So if he isn't leaving his marriage fast, then better to let go and move on (is the book's main advice.) No magic bullets for healing that you don't already know about. This book is good for someone who wants out, but is struggling with hope/denial that keeps them hanging in. It's a wakeup call that says, "Sorry honey, but this is a typical pattern. It's about him needing an affair, not about him being so in love with you." *ahem* Hey--that's what I need to hear. Guess I'll keep it then.
astra77 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I am so glad you have had a breakthrough, welcome. I think some mm/mw do love their ow, but in a selfish and self absorbed way - that makes it unhealthy - it is a love based solely on their feelings and with no regard to the ow/om's feelings. Ego boosting, denial and selfishness are NOT the foundation to build a realtionship on, you have to give yourself 110% to the op, and take 50/50 responsiblity - be equal at all times. A one sided relationship NEVER works. Wildsoul, i pray that we all can survive this nightmare that has become our lives, what you have discovered for yourself today, i discovered for myself a little while ago, and i continue to discover the hidden truth every few days. I crashed a little last night, and am trying to pick myself back up. I have become a mere shell of my former self because of the A and it feels like it is killing me slowly, but i cant let it beat me, i have to move on. While you will feel alot better for coming out of the fog, the realisation and impact the A and the aftermath of it has had on YOU will kick in and that is a tough pill to swallow, VERY tough. BUT, you can get through it. Just take some very well deserved "ME" time and breath. And keep posting you progress ((hugs wildsoul))
SeaBrooke Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Thanks for the heads up about the book. I had thought about getting it for myself too. Before I ever posted here. I really like this forum, I'm so happy to have found it!
crystal_lostheart Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I think this forum is fantastic. In all honesty, it is really helping me. I think the book is good too. Whatever helps you make an informed decision about getting your life in order, is worth reading - no matter how short the book is.
astra77 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Ladies, reading, and informing yourself is POWER. Do not underestimate the power the MM (MW) has over you. BREAK THAT POWER The MM (MW) will not want you to do this - but F**k them - how are they soothing your pain? Do they wipe your tears at night while you are lying alone in bed, sobbing like a baby? No they dont, coz they are at home with their spouse and kids. The more power and knowledge you have, the better informed you are, the easier it will be to deal with. No one, NO ONE has the right to use you as a easy way to solve their marriage issues. If they have M issues - they need to get their asses into counselling, not run out and find the nearest hot guy/girl to play with. YOU ARE NOT A PLAY THING, power yourself up and break away from this painful role you have been cast to play without your knowledge.
Recommended Posts