Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 I think the people fall in love with 'love' the fantasy.. something must be missing so much in their life to fall in love with a 'cyber' person... come one now.. It never happened to me.. and I know it won't.. but I'm sure some people truly believe they are in love with a total stranger they've never met in person. I find it rather sad ... some people don't have a life.. but whooaaa this is getting a bit out of control.. there is 'no life' and there is 'no life'.. Lizzie, first of all, I met him via online dating website - pretty decent way of meeting people as far as I'm concerned. So I'm not sure how 'not having a life' fits here?? Perhaps you meant people who do online dating do not have a life, which is totally incorrect? 2nd, this one is no longer cyber. We don't even write to each other anymore. We communicate a lot by phone and have not yet met because of me. Love doesn't need to be physical all the time anyway. I read a poster of someone who didn't meet her 'cyber' BF for 6 months since they met online because of distance, but yet during this period their relationship progressed to the point they decided she move the state where her BF lives, so that they can live together. So, yes, it can be real in some cases.
carhill Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 After experiencing plenty of the reverse, IMO, the important thing is that it's real and healthy for you. Only you know your path. That said, some of us do enjoy watching on with interest Expecting full deets on the lunch, eh?
Lizzie60 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Lizzie, first of all, I met him via online dating website - pretty decent way of meeting people as far as I'm concerned. I never said it wasn't a good way to meet people.. to actuall MEET people.. that's IMO the goal of a dating site.. to DATE... So I'm not sure how 'not having a life' fits here?? Perhaps you meant people who do online dating do not have a life, which is totally incorrect? I mean people who fall in love with complete stranger that they have never met.. DO NOT have a life IMO... they are living a fantasy.. they're not in the 'real world'... 2nd, this one is no longer cyber. We don't even write to each other anymore. We communicate a lot by phone and have not yet met because of me. Love doesn't need to be physical all the time anyway. You still haven't met him face to face.. LOVE has to be physical at some point.. at least meet him in RL... I read a poster of someone who didn't meet her 'cyber' BF for 6 months since they met online because of distance, but yet during this period their relationship progressed to the point they decided she move the state where her BF lives, so that they can live together. So, yes, it can be real in some cases.[/quote] I have spoken with one guy who fell madly in love (his saying) with a girl he only chatted with on the phone.. she was from the other side of the planet.. he had a bad 'heart break'.. he was obsessed by this girl.. Do I think this guy has a 'life' .. no... he's living in a 'dream'.. behind a computer or on a phone.. that's NOT real... that's fantasy. Oh well.. that's my opinion anyway.. you may not agree with it.. and it's OK...
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 Didn't say I was in love though, just developed some feeling for him. Oh, well.. I'm going meet him tomorrow and end the so-called cyber fantasy once and for all. Truly hope everything goes well.
Riley Freeman Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 no it is not............you dont know this person......
KinAZ Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Can't say I have, but I'm just curious. Is it possible for two people who have not met in person, but have been conversating with each other online/on the phone to fall in love? Say they have been conversating for a month or so, on a daily basis and basically have a good vibe, good conversation and enjoy each other a lot. Is that love or infatuation? To me, being "in love" usually isn't much more than infatuation anyway. What's the real difference between being in love and simply loving someone? Basically, just the romantic/sexual interest and attraction. Otherwise, it should be the same thing. I've heard a number of people claim to be "in love" before, and yet they didn't display what I would consider to be actual love towards their SO. Simply put... yes, you can fall in love without meeting the person, and you could love the person without meeting face as well. The real issue is whether or not that love or infatuation would change after spending time together with the other person. How DEEPLY you can love the person is actually VERY limited. It's not just a matter of seeing the other person's face when you speak to one another, but being in close company as well as out in public. You'll be introduced to a number of other things that you'll judge that person according to all over again. In any event, I've found that love is something that simply grows deeper with time. You learn to accept things, change things, forgive things, work on things, and through all the ups and downs, you're becoming better acquainted and forming a more intimate bond. So, a couple who just met a year ago, and plan to get married tomorrow aren't going to love one another in the same way as a husband and wife who have been married for 15 years and don't always see eye to eye. Every relationship is different, but there are some things that just don't come over night. And some that never really go away...
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 KinAz, your post is very insightful. Thanks.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Felt very nervous about this whole lunch thing all morning. Anyways, he called me up mid-morning to say he has made reservations at this Mongolian Restaurant in Chinatown for our 1pm lunch date. I was the first one to arrive, he arrived 2 minutes later. Very cute, polite, total gentleman. Hugs, initial awkward little talk, then the meal arrived. Food was nice but I hardly ate, and so did he. We were so busy getting nervous. But he's very humorous, and actually made some funny comments about how nervous we both were. Anyway, we warmed up later on, he seemed impressed, said I have lovely eyes and smile... As we parted, we tentatively agreed to meet for dinner next week and go watch a game at Verizon Center. Pretty good. There is a funny part though. Everything went well, beyond my expectation but I now feel like I have lost the connection I had with him before we met? I feel like I'm starting all over again with a total stranger. I guess I'm having difficulties merging the two; the one I speak on the phone with and the one I just met? I don't know. Anyway, thanks to all those pushed to get the fantasy into reality. Very much appreciate.
carhill Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 You can now give advice on why meeting in person as soon as possible is paramount. It's not so much the difference being a "bad" thing; it's the reality of the difference. The meshing of your construct with reality. That occurs entirely within your psyche. Sounds like a good first meeting to me. Everything has a beginning Remember, no rushing and stay away from the ex
KinAZ Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Oh it's understandable. Unless you're close to me, the way I am in type is totally different from the way I am, in general, in person. It may just take a little more time for the two of you to get used to one another, and open up again. Glad you had a nice time! Best wishes!
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Thanks, KinAz! We'll see how things progress. Carhill, trust me, ex has ZERO chance. I'm done with fooling around
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 What that means is, however you built him up in your head and allowed your feelings to grow doesn't compare to now seeing and talking to him face to face. That mystery is gone.
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