Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Can't say I have, but I'm just curious. Is it possible for two people who have not met in person, but have been conversating with each other online/on the phone to fall in love? Say they have been conversating for a month or so, on a daily basis and basically have a good vibe, good conversation and enjoy each other a lot. Is that love or infatuation?
Lishy Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 It is neither! It is purely a fantasy, you only know what they tell you and nothing else, it is easy to hide behind a computer screen and pretrend to be whoever you want to be! I can never work out how people can think they are in love with a person they have never met, that is alien to me!
carhill Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 I had this experience back in the early days of phone dating services. Had an entire relationship, marriage and divorce, all over the phone during a one month period It's a fantasy. Merely a projection of ideals upon another human being out in the world. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad. It is what it is. Perhaps it's an impetus to a real world physical connection, who knows.... My best advice is, if you feel a "connection" with someone, bring that into physical contact as soon as possible. Less investment and more fun
Lishy Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 I am sure I read on here about a woman talking about her boyfriend problems ...... at the end she simply stated that although they had been together for 6 years, they had only met once!!!!!!!!! Now that to me was bizarre!
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 It is neither! It is purely a fantasy, you only know what they tell you and nothing else, it is easy to hide behind a computer screen and pretrend to be whoever you want to be! I can never work out how people can think they are in love with a person they have never met, that is alien to me! Thanks Lishy, but this one is beyond the stage of hiding behind a computer. We conversate a lot on the phone, sends pictures etc. It's pretty much like real life dating, xpect we haven't met. I know his everyday routine and he knows mine, and we inform each on even the little things like taking the nap, or doing grocery shopping etc. Am I stupid to believe this could be the real deal since my attraction to him and vice versa was not based on physical attractiveness (though have seen him on pics), but rather a deeper connection that we have established even before we met?
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 I had this experience back in the early days of phone dating services. Had an entire relationship, marriage and divorce, all over the phone during a one month period It's a fantasy. Merely a projection of ideals upon another human being out in the world. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad. It is what it is. Perhaps it's an impetus to a real world physical connection, who knows.... My best advice is, if you feel a "connection" with someone, bring that into physical contact as soon as possible. Less investment and more fun Yeah, he has been suggesting that for a while but I keep avoiding it. Again the insecurity within me. We actually live within 25miles from one another.
Meaplus3 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Can't say I have, but I'm just curious. Is it possible for two people who have not met in person, but have been conversating with each other online/on the phone to fall in love? Say they have been conversating for a month or so, on a daily basis and basically have a good vibe, good conversation and enjoy each other a lot. Is that love or infatuation? I would tend to think right now it could be infatuation.since you have not meet in person. I thinking that meeting in person is the key to finding out if it can turn into love. Good luck. AP:)
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 The feelings yes, I think are real - But, what is it based on? Stuff he has shown you, stuff that you've felt or assumed about him. Until you meet face to face to test to see if that is real and long lasting, and not just based on what if's and fantasy built up in your mind, I wouldn't say it is REAL love based pure honesty and IRL. For all you know he could have bad breath or smell awful. You don't know his character, what type of person he is. If he's loving and giving, goes out of his way to help friends, family. How he handles crisis's and other problems in his life. You two can have a connection most definately, but again, what's it based on?
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 What do you think the insecurities are? One, I'm very painfully, shy. I tend to talk a lot behind the scene (computer, phone etc) but in real life I'm just very shy. I'm worried that he could be turned off by that. Sometimes I also wonder if he'll find me attractive enough.. he has seen lots of my pictures, but.. still I have some few insecurities here and there as far as my physical appearance is concerned.
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Then be honest with him and tell him your fears. This is why meeting face to face is a test of the feelings - If it's real or based on fantasy or hopes.
Gold Pile Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 In a world where imprisoned serial killers have groupies, it is certainly possible (but not advisable) for a select few to fall in love on-line.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 I guess the insecurity part came up from our conversation one day where he said that his ex-wife is drop dead gorgoeus and if looks could kill he would have been dead by now. I never used to feel insecure at all before this statement. She's 13 years older than me but never had any kids, and I have a child. She's more likely to have a great body..oh what now. Here I go again with these stupid insecurities.
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 You can't let what he says make you feel insecure. Or try not to. Don't compare yourself to his ex-wife (and you are 100% sure she IS his ex and they're divorced? Just making sure) or any other woman.
carhill Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156454/ Pretty recent...how about a bit of a break, considering the sex with the ex and all that? I'll presume you're shy mostly with people you're not familiar with, rather than shy in general.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 You can't let what he says make you feel insecure. Or try not to. Don't compare yourself to his ex-wife (and you are 100% sure she IS his ex and they're divorced? Just making sure) or any other woman. Thanks WWIU. Yeah I know it's silly comparing myself to her, and it's a failed marriage anyway so there was more important things to him than her gorgoeusness. I would like to believe he's completely divorce, he infact volunteered to show me the papers when we meet. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156454/ Pretty recent...how about a bit of a break, considering the sex with the ex and all that? I'll presume you're shy mostly with people you're not familiar with, rather than shy in general. I just had a feeling somebody will call on me with this.... I'm glad it's you, Carhill.. I really wanted a break, but at the same time I didn't want to miss out something that seemed like a good potential for me. Actually, this is why I'm dragging this thing very slowly. I do not want to rush into anything just yet, until I'm pretty confident about him.
carhill Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 How much of what's contained in that thread does this guy know? Not the specifics, but the general picture. Putting realities to some of the perhaps mixed signals he's getting from you might be healthy and get you both onto the same page, if he otherwise is perceiving you as ready to date. Centering your timing, so to speak
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 How much of what's contained in that thread does this guy know? Not the specifics, but the general picture. Putting realities to some of the perhaps mixed signals he's getting from you might be healthy and get you both onto the same page, if he otherwise is perceiving you as ready to date. Centering your timing, so to speak Well, to be honest he knows none of the stuff form that thread, and I do not think it's wise to tell him? I vaguely mentioned that I was dating someone for sometime, and just shared my divorce experience with him. I guess he's also happy with taking things slow; infact he initally asked if we could become best friends and see what happens which was very convenient with me considering what happened few weeks ago. But I can see that we are developing strong feelings towards each other and at this point I'm no longer sure how to handle things. I was wondering if it would be wise to avoid physical contact at this point and just continue to talk on the phone, so that I get time to get myself together before embarking on another roller coster adventure. The feelings yes, I think are real - But, what is it based on? Stuff he has shown you, stuff that you've felt or assumed about him. Until you meet face to face to test to see if that is real and long lasting, and not just based on what if's and fantasy built up in your mind, I wouldn't say it is REAL love based pure honesty and IRL. For all you know he could have bad breath or smell awful. You don't know his character, what type of person he is. If he's loving and giving, goes out of his way to help friends, family. How he handles crisis's and other problems in his life. You two can have a connection most definately, but again, what's it based on? Sorry, I skipped this. My connection with him is based on the kind of stuff we tell each other everyday. Our likes, dislikes and lifestyle seem to sync with one another. I don't know how silly this sounds, but I feel I'm the centre of his life now. Whenever he needs to vent about something he would call me, we would talk and I would try calm him down, things of the sort. He also tries to get me involved in his life a lot; he went to visit his family in NY with his adopted kids recently for a week, and everyday he would send me pictures of some activities they did. But again, it's possible for all this to change when we meet up because like you said, there are some things I cannot tell from telephone conversations.
Jilly Bean Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Is "conversate" the ebonic version of "converse"? It is not love, and it is not infatuation. You can connect with someone online, but nothing can predict actual chemistry, except meeting in person. Until then, it is pure fantasy.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 Is "conversate" the ebonic version of "converse"? I guess it's the effect of having English as a 4th language. Got it. So it's pure fantasy until I meet him in person. Thanks a lot to those who contributed.
carhill Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Well, to be honest he knows none of the stuff form that thread, and I do not think it's wise to tell him? I vaguely mentioned that I was dating someone for sometime, and just shared my divorce experience with him. I guess he's also happy with taking things slow; infact he initally asked if we could become best friends and see what happens which was very convenient with me considering what happened few weeks ago. But I can see that we are developing strong feelings towards each other and at this point I'm no longer sure how to handle things. IMO, if you feel you're not ready to date with the goal of becoming involved, then articulate that. He doesn't need to know the personal reasons behind it, and a gentleman wouldn't ask. If you like him and find you have ideas/ideals/experiences in common, tell him that. If you do find him attractive, can you, given your shyness, be "friends" with him until you feel healthy to date the way you like to? I think getting one meeting under your belt will go a long way towards resolving much of what you feel. It's the unknown which keeps your mind spinning. Trust me, I know this
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 IMO, if you feel you're not ready to date with the goal of becoming involved, then articulate that. He doesn't need to know the personal reasons behind it, and a gentleman wouldn't ask. If you like him and find you have ideas/ideals/experiences in common, tell him that. If you do find him attractive, can you, given your shyness, be "friends" with him until you feel healthy to date the way you like to? I think getting one meeting under your belt will go a long way towards resolving much of what you feel. It's the unknown which keeps your mind spinning. Trust me, I know this You are absolutely right. I always worry too much about things before they happen, only to later realize that there was nothing to be worried about, afterall. We had agreed to have lunch tomorrow, and I was going to cancel it when we talk tonight, but I think I'll just go ahead with it and see how things turn out. And yes, I intend to keep him as a friend until I'm ready to date again. Seems like he okay with that already, as I feel he also has some emotional healing to do.
Jilly Bean Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 I guess it's the effect of having English as a 4th language. No, it's obviously because you're picking up English from Americans. And we notoriously have banalized the language...just ask the Brits. They'll tell ya... Shy - I have had some really great connections with guys online. Where I've been SO excited to meet them, as I was sure they were THE ONE. Then, we met in person, and a variety of things happened. 1 - there was no chemisty 2 - he had poor hygiene (a la Dr. Poo Breath) 3 - he turned out to NOT be quite who he claimed to be online Thing is, it's VERY easy to get caught up in the fantasy of who we think someone will be. I have learned to NOT engage in lengthy communication prior to meeting, just for this reason. Then, limited chance I would get falsely attached to someone I won't want anyhow.
Lizzie60 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 I think the people fall in love with 'love' the fantasy.. something must be missing so much in their life to fall in love with a 'cyber' person... come one now.. It never happened to me.. and I know it won't.. but I'm sure some people truly believe they are in love with a total stranger they've never met in person. I find it rather sad ... some people don't have a life.. but whooaaa this is getting a bit out of control.. there is 'no life' and there is 'no life'..
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