roo-bear Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 I was needing advice me and my husband have been together 2 years and I have had a huge problem trusting him because when we were getting together he had sex with 2 girls and everytime we would go any where he would stare not glance at all the girls now i beat myself up everyday thinkin im not pretty enough or not good enough it has killed my self esteem and my trust.
Ronni_W Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Roo, based on his actions, I would have to say that you MUST be MORE THAN both "pretty and good enough"...he married YOU, was his open declaration about that. What is compelling you to allow your thoughts to destroy your self-esteem and trust? Is there any evidence that he regrets the choice that he made...which is YOU, by the way. He consciously and willing CHOSE YOU. He had sex with two people when you two "were getting together"...that is ancient history, now. Leave it there, instead of obsessing about it. Getting stuck in the past means that you are missing what you have RIGHT NOW, and that you cannot envision the wonderful possibilities of the future, either. Perhaps when he looked/looks at other women, he is also thinking, "...but I still have the prettiest and best wife on the planet!" -- How can you 100% sure that is NOT how he feels? If you are feeling unattractive, it doesn't at all mean that he is feeling the same way, or thinking along the same lines. Your low self-esteem and lack of trust are issues that are coming from within...from your own negative thoughts about your worth and attractiveness. Those past events have nothing whatsoever to do with your looks or your worthiness. If you find it to be a continuing issue for you, perhaps individual therapy can help to adjust your perspective. It's not easy to live with these issues...they can lead to extremely depressing thought patterns which can kill even the best of relationships. For that reason, I would urge you to get a handle on it, whether through self-help or with professional assistance.
lovestruck818 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Did he have sex with the girls when you guys were already married? Also, how can you be married to someone if you can't trust them? Furthermore, punctuation would be nice. I don't mran to be mean but it is very hard on the eyes to read one big run-on sentence.
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