Subcultural lifestyles, our problem

[Lizt]

I figure asking some people on a anonymous message board is probably the best way for me to get some much needed advice on my problem. Here it is. Me and my long-term boyfriend live a D/s lifestyle, more specifically, a female-led relationship. We've been together for seven years and are still completely in love with one another. We each have two children from previous relationships and have two more which are ours (though he is not the father of either). We are very happy in this lifestyle and have been since the beginning. We of course keep lots of the aspects of the D/s relationship behind closed doors, I'm sure its obvious to our children who exactly wears the pants in the family. Anyway, my oldest daughter is 20 and since we are relatively close in age, we have always been more like sisters than a mother daughter combo. We really don't have any secrets and she has known about my bf and my lifestyle for several years now. The problem is that she got drunk a few weeks ago and told my bf's oldest daughter, who is 14. Worse, she showed her my blog on the net, which details her father and my lifestyle. Luckily there is nothing too graphic on the blog, and no pictures, but now I know that she knows about some things like the orgasm denial, cuckholding, penis and testicle torture etc.....I don't go into detail about them in the blog but I do mention them.

Since finding out, she has been very cold to me and sometimes even unfriendly. We used to be very close and I miss that, but I don't think we should have to give up our lifestyle to please her. I fear that she read those things and doesn't realize that her father is consenting. I hope she doesnt' think I force those things on him, or am cheating on him right in his face. The worse part of all is that now she knows that her two younger sisters are not actually related to her, as they were the result of cuckholding. I don't know what I can do to fix this situation, and I'm afraid it may ruin my relationship with her permanently.

[Jake Barnes]

Well they say if you cant say something nice, dont say anything at all ,so Im posting to not say say anything at all

[Lizzie60]

Well they say if you cant say something nice, dont say anything at all ,so Im posting to not say say anything at all

 

 

same here.. this is a real mess...

[Ronni_W]

Lizt, this is a PARENTING issue and your choice of lifestyle ought not to get in the way of that. You and your b/f need to get on the same page, and take proper, adult, EQUAL responsibility for planning how to deal with this and executing the plan.

 

My instinct is that, if she saw your blog, you BOTH owe her an opportunity to ask questions of both of you, together (and separately if she wants or needs that), and you both have and obligation to help her get clear on any- and every thought, belief and feeling that may cause her confusion or distress about her own sexuality, sexual preferences, etc.

 

This child needs both of you, together, united is one team -- that part of it has nothing to do with your lifestyle, and ought not to be a factor in how you parent.

 

Best of luck.

[demrea]

... some things like the orgasm denial, cuckholding, penis and testicle torture etc.............

 

sisters ...the result of cuckholding. ....

 

ok, i bite. whats the backstory here and where is your blog?

[Meaplus3]

I'm sure she now has many questions and will be looking for answers. It would be best if you both sat down and had a talk with her about her feelings on the issues.. this way she will see that your both on the same page. Good luck.

 

AP:)

[Lizt]

ok, i bite. whats the backstory here and where is your blog?

 

 

Backstory? I'm not sure what you mean. We met at Munch about seven and a half years ago and have been together since. The orgasm denial etc....are just different ways he shows his submission to me. I'm sure you don't want to hear about it lol.

 

As for my two youngest. The fathers both knew and were also consenting. They see their daughters from time to time, but they just know them as friends of the family, they have no idea what the real relation is. If the fathers ever want to be more of a parent...well that's kind of a hard one. I don't know what we'd do then, but I don't think its going to happen.

 

And I'm not gonna post a link to my blog! Nice try! Its just for our friends who are also in the lifestyle.

[Stung]

for what it's worth at this point, i agree with ronniw's advice...regardless of the sexual hierarchy in your partnership, you are both these kids' parents. you need to both sit them down and guide them through this. OF COURSE the 14 year old is upset, she has been exposed to intimate, disturbing details of her father's life that she should have been kept from. she's fourteen, she's not ready for that ****. she's going to need an awful lot of reassurance from her dad and probably some space from you for a little while, possibly some therapy to help her sort out her issues around it. her father can be your bitch in the bedroom, but she needs to see him as a responsible adult, a man she can rely on everywhere else. and frankly, your 20-year-old should not be as intimately involved in this as she is, either. i'm not making judgment calls on your sex life, here, i'm not unfamiliar with your brands of kink and i don't really care what your vagina gets up to. i DO think you have terrible boundaries with your eldest child, however. sure, be her friend, but be her mother first. why does she have access to the blog which chronicles details of your sex life? it's kind of obvious that she's not old/mature enough for that kind of access, since she's leaking it inappropriately to her younger sibs. what was her motivation there? could it have been to get back at you for something? figure out a way to lock her ass out of your blog or shut it down altogether and re-assume more of a motherhood role with her (which will be difficult for both of you since you're not used to it), and then start figuring out how you're going to deal when your youngest kids find out about their biological parentage, which they're bound to do now since everybody else knows.

 

i might sound harsh, because i'm a little astounded that you let your family dynamics spin this far out of control, but i do wish you luck with this. i hope you guys can all hold everything together as a family.

[Sks]

lol wow, I have read about some screwed up relationships but this has to top the list.