ensun Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I don't have anything specifically to ask, but I thought I would give a summary of myself and see if anybody understands or has useful advice. I have not been feeling very good for quite awhile and anything positive could help steer me in the right direction. Well, I am 26 year old guy. I was raised in a Mormon family and a bit shy growing up. I turned down my first offer for a girlfriend (she offered) when I was 15 because it was against the Mormon 'rules'. Didn't go on a few dates until I got a car at 17, never kissed... I wanted to be a 'good boy' and not face embarrassment from family, pretty soon high school was over and was preparing for a Mormon mission. (I later stopped believing) Left the mission early at 20 a bit disillusioned about life and the way it was supposed to be. This short summary pretty much set the stage for what obstacles I would face in my adult life. I have been intelligent, accomplished and ambitious in many areas, and by age 21, I was making about $250k/year from home (I ran an advertising network that reached about 5-6 million people monthly), life was getting better, I was starting to understand myself better, beginning to get out and understand social dynamics better, working out, looking good, etc... basically slowly climbing my way up. I felt great! I felt as if I had continued slowly, I would surely be able to achieve my goals of getting married, raising a family, etc. Well, when I was 23, I received a phone call from this girl I took to prom back in high school and had a severe crush on. She had heard I was in the area and got my number from somebody else. She was physically attracted to me. I was extremely unprepared and knew inside that it'd probably be best to avoid the situation and tackle situations that I could better get a handle on (sort of like practicing at level 1 before playing at level 12... walking before you can run). Well, at the encouragement of my family and another guy I grew up with, and against my own gut feeling, I began pursuing her. It was really too late because by the time I began pursuing her, I became more emotionally invested in her. The more I pursued, the more emotionally invested I became. A vicious cycle. She would ignore me sometimes, and I would try to figure out why she was ignoring me, etc. Due to her lack of interest in me (she said I was a 'nerd'), I began to think the business was no longer important for my future. As you can see, I valued her opinion more highly than my own. She was also very rude, asking me up front how much money I made and generally making me feel as if I had to prove myself to her. I did. I wish I had understood at the time that my only problem (reason I had failed with girls) was due to thinking I had a problem. I really did not have one. In fact, I had really good things going for myself. Well, I was not emotionally intelligent enough at the time to understand that she was manipulating me. She probably did not realize what sort of effect it had on me though. Slowly but surely, the business began to fail due to my focus changing entirely to this situation. Because she had continuously pressed me about money, I spent every last dime on material things, a luxurious house, car, clothes - to prove I was worthy. I know this sounds quite pathetic looking back (especially for a 23 year old) and as if I had a seriously unhealthy lack of self-esteem. I guess I did. Well, here I am three years later, almost 27. Still never been in a relationship, failed business, no money (just filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy), not even a college degree to back me up. This is a complete turn around from only a few years prior. I can start up a business again, but I've found that I've completely lost my desire now. The passion just is not there anymore. I understand social dynamics much, much better and can see a person manipulating me or trying to devalue me or whatever a mile away now, but I still do not have much real life dating experience. These last three years have been a blur of nearly 100% trying to dig myself out of the new financial and emotional situation I had created. I have decided that I want to go back to college and not pursue the entrepreneurial path any longer simply because I am older now and would like to have a more balanced lifestyle. I am wanting to start learning to date the college girls simply because there is no better dating arena than college, but I fear that being older, there will be no shortage of people making comments ('ewww'). I do not look older, and all of this hardship has not aged me much physically thankfully, but there is still this issue at age. I want a shot at life just as everybody else did, but I feel as if everybody else is going to torment me for it. I know I need game. At this point, it seems as if I have not one thing to offer. After all the many years of work to climb higher, I find myself facing an even larger uphill battle than before now. Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it anymore. Now I feel as if I need some sort of proof if I am going to be dating younger girls as if I have done something with my life. The thing is, I have... lots. But I have nothing to show for it. I suppose I do not need any proof other than looks if it is just going to be casual, and maybe I am too hung up on this marriage or serious relationship thing. But after going 26 years of my life without any small relationship, it is nearly the only thing on my mind now. I would not mind dating older girls, but I do not know where to find them, and actually, it would be much easier for me with my limited experience to start with those with the least experience and work my way up (as all my peers had done before me). This girl that led me into my current situation was my age and more socially competent and manipulative (which comes with age). This was why I was initially hesitant with her. Granted, I am not going to get into that trap of trying to prove myself anymore. I've read 48 Laws of Power and many other similar books and finally get how things work. They really opened my eyes up to the world. Well, I am hoping somebody has something useful to share. I'm sure there are plenty of things that can be said, and maybe there is no clear answer after all other than work hard, good luck and don't care what anybody thinks. But with this fuel only, I am finding my tank of gas empty all the time now. Hopefully somebody can offer some words of hope.
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