Gold Pile Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 At the beginning of the summer I broke up with my F-buddy divorcee. She started falling for me after we did the deed outside. Seems this wild man side of me really attracted her. Seemed a good time to end it B4 she got too attached. I was absolutely dateless till 2 weeks ago. I was at a party attended by "kelly". I've met her several times via our mutual friends, the party hosts. I never made a play for her because she is married and more than 10 yrs younger than me. She is a knockout! A very nice girl with a heart of gold, but she is also incredibly dim....dullest tool in the shed. Good news! Her husband just left her. It was the sad kind of break-up where one person didn't want it to end and was fooling herself that it wasn't really over. He moved in with another woman and says he'll file for divorce as soon as he can afford a lawyer. I noticed Kelly got mad at a friend who told her it sounded like he was gone for good. So in offering my sympathies I maintained that she could get him back if she carefully made the right moves. Some jerk of a guy kept interrupting us to joke with her. He was a loud classless guy that annoyed everyone...except her, she seemed to like him. The host got some extra folding chairs from down stairs. The jerk helped and was making his 2nd trip to the basement. Helpful guy that I am I went downstairs too. It was an old house and the chairs were in an old coal storage "indoor shack" (can't think of a better name for it). Jerk went in, he didn't know I was there so I took advantage of the opportunity to close the door and lock him in. As I got to the main level I was pleased that I couldn't hear his muffled yelling over the music. I noticed a fat girl was eating too much of the finger food. I told her that she had eaten 2 of the 12 plates that were to feed 24 guests. I offered to get her a loaf of bread to fill up on so there would be enough food left for normal people. She stormed out of the house and didn't come back. (maybe she had some emergency to tend to ???) I returned to work on Kelly. At one point she was looking around for the jerk. I told her I thought he left with the fat girl. Kelly's husband (I always met them together before) had an odd way of hugging her. I imitated his hug and she looked blown away. After an hour I was feeling pretty guilty about the basement prisoner so I snuck down there (he was quiet now) and flung some saltine crackers under the door. He started yelling again. Maybe an hour later the phone in the kitchen rang, it took the dim bulb in the basement 2 hours to think of using his cell phone. As the host headed downstairs I grabbed Kelly and asked her to leave with me so I would know she was alright, and not doing anything foolish. She left with me...I was a sympathetic ear for 3 days (phone, lunch, phone, dinner, phone) then she finally gave it up. The sex was to keep her strong till her hubby came back. He's not back yet. When the hosts called to tell me someone had locked the jerk guy up, I said I wasn't sure but I thought the fat girl might have done it.
BannaBee57 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 After an hour I was feeling pretty guilty about the basement prisoner so I snuck down there (he was quiet now) and flung some saltine crackers under the door. He started yelling again. When the hosts called to tell me someone had locked the jerk guy up, I said I wasn't sure but I thought the fat girl might have done it. F'ing beautiful. I always enjoy your narratives, GP
Lizzie60 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 OMG.. hubby.. glad you're back.. I missed you... the 'fat' girl episode was hilarious..
GPFan Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Good work with Kelly GP! So you have her lined up until hubby comes to his senses, eh? Once again, the maestro shows the rest of us how it is done! Maybe an hour later the phone in the kitchen rang, it took the dim bulb in the basement 2 hours to think of using his cell phone.
stefspets Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 If it's true it's a lot funnier. So I'm a believer.
White Flower Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 After an hour I was feeling pretty guilty about the basement prisoner so I snuck down there (he was quiet now) and flung some saltine crackers under the door. He started yelling again. This is just hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.
Author Gold Pile Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 F'ing beautiful. I always enjoy your narratives, GP Thanks BB . I don't recall hearing from you B4.
Author Gold Pile Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 It's good to hear from y'all. It's been too long.
Citizen Erased Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 GP, you are hands down the best poster on LS. If I ever found out that this stuff was made up I think I would cry.
Author Gold Pile Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 You are a bloody legend GP, you are hands down the best poster on LS. If I ever found out that this stuff was made up I think I would cry. Aw shucks, thanks all. . Tweaked and stretched some years ago, but never made up. Today I am helping Kelly spy on her ex. He knows her car but not mine. I expect she won't like what she will see (his new GF) and will need me to comfort her.
BannaBee57 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Thanks BB . I don't recall hearing from you B4. Oh, I'm always here...just don't talk too much. Only when I'm really moved to do so
GPFan Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Today I am helping Kelly spy on her ex. He knows her car but not mine. I expect she won't like what she will see (his new GF) and will need me to comfort her.Oohhhhhhhhhhhhh ... so what's the update?
tinktronik Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I'm so glad your dating again GP! Its a da*n shame the guy remembered his cell. Imagine the headlines if he had starved to death. You really could have set up the fat girl. "Obese Woman Sends Competition For Food To Lonely Death In Upperscale Basement." Its a tabloid headline just waiting to be written! Could you imagine the pictures they could associate with that?
Author Gold Pile Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Hi Tink, You should be a reporter, just like quankanne;) I'd never let him starve to death....easy enough to fling saltines under the door. Had he still been locked up at party's end I would have pretended to hear him yelling and have him freed.
Ariadne Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I really don't get this... You people get upset when someone posts something here that may slightly offend someone.. And then this guy locks someone in a basement for two hours. Basically imprisoned someone against his will in a party. And people say this: F'ing beautiful. I always enjoy your narratives, GP OMG.. hubby.. glad you're back.. I missed you... the 'fat' girl episode was hilarious.. Good work with Kelly GP! Once again, the maestro shows the rest of us how it is done! If it's true it's a lot funnier. So I'm a believer. This is just hilarious! Thanks for the laughs. You are a bloody legend. GP, you are hands down the best poster on LS. If I ever found out that this stuff was made up I think I would cry. Damn Pile! Your stuff is so just so smooth... This is hilarious!!! This GP is the same guy that went to someone's house and threw that person's toothpaste down the toilet and some other stuff out the window. In RL I'd stay clear of the likes of GP. I'd feel that if I looked at him in the wrong way he'd feel perfectly justified to throw away my purse or vandalize my car. And people are celebrating this. Kind of like people laughing when someone puts a freshman's head on the toilet and flushes it. Awesome!
Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Oh my-my .. where's your sense of humour.. this guy is hilarious... I don't take everything for 'cash'.. come on... he is making every story something like any 'stand up comic' would..
Ariadne Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Oh my-my .. where's your sense of humour.. this guy is hilarious... I don't take everything for 'cash'.. come on... he is making every story something like any 'stand up comic' would.. I find it very distasteful and not funny at all.
Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I find it very distasteful and not funny at all. Oh well.. a lot of LSers find him hilarious.. he's by far the funniest guy I've been reading in a long time.. I think he takes a 'real' bit of a story and adds a lot of funny 'fiction' to it.. he's the best 'entertainer' ... He's by far my favourite LSer... I constantly watch for his posts.. he's my cyber 'H'..
almost famous Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 He basically admitted that he makes it all up (stretches the truth from stories he's heard from years ago and embellishes.)
Balthazar Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 I think we need more "bad" people like GP in the world. All the kind-hearted, good-natured virtuous politicians and preachers are getting to me. GP, can I please tag along on your next date? I can be your evil henchman if you like.
Author Gold Pile Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 He basically admitted that he makes it all up (stretches the truth from stories he's heard from years ago and embellishes.) How do you get admitting that it's ALL made up from "stretching and tweaking"? Stories I've heard???? go re read that post. Names are changed. Exact circumstances are left out or slightly modified so readers who actually know me/them can't identify us in real life. Life is a hoot.
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