confused999 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 If you have, why did you do it? Did you care about them but do it anyway? What stopped you, if you stopped? What did you think about them when you were doing it? Did you feel guilty but do it anyway?
Yamaha Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 If you have, why did you do it? Did you care about them but do it anyway? What stopped you, if you stopped? What did you think about them when you were doing it? Did you feel guilty but do it anyway? If people treat you like a doormat they don't respect you because you don't stand up for yourself. I don't think they really care for you because you allow them to do as they please. You have to grow a backbone and quit worrying that they will leave you if you speak your mind. If they do then you never had them. It's about respecting and valuing yourself because if you don't then no one else will (if you allow them to use you).
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 No, I've never treated anyone like a doormat. If someone's a doormat personality, I tend to avoid them.
Jilly Bean Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 If people treat you like a doormat they don't respect you because you don't stand up for yourself. I don't think they really care for you because you allow them to do as they please. You have to grow a backbone and quit worrying that they will leave you if you speak your mind. If they do then you never had them. It's about respecting and valuing yourself because if you don't then no one else will (if you allow them to use you). This is totally spot-on. Yes, in my life, I have had a few guys looming as friends, who always hoped for more. That meant they were willing to do anything for me. And when I was younger and a total douche to guys, I took advantage of it. I'm very ashamed of that. Regardless, Yamaha is right. I had no respect for these guys. If any of them ever manned up and told me eff off, I would have had HUGE respect and probably would have dated them. lol No one likes a pansy hanging around...
Author confused999 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 If people treat you like a doormat they don't respect you because you don't stand up for yourself. I don't think they really care for you because you allow them to do as they please. You have to grow a backbone and quit worrying that they will leave you if you speak your mind. If they do then you never had them. It's about respecting and valuing yourself because if you don't then no one else will (if you allow them to use you). I've been with this guy for about 2 years now, and this doormat thing has crept up on me. Since I'm a doormat, how on earth do I stop being one??? Seems like a catch-22...
Yamaha Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I've been with this guy for about 2 years now, and this doormat thing has crept up on me. Since I'm a doormat, how on earth do I stop being one??? Seems like a catch-22... If you don't like the way they're treating you then you tell them " hey. I don't like being treated that way or being used". Since you have been with him for 2 years he probably will be ataken back if you start mouthing off to him. I would sit him down and tell him you have noticed he isn't giving near as much in the relationship as you. You are tired of not being appreciated and things have to change if you 2 are 2 continue being together. If he refuses then he is just a dog and your better off without him. If he looks at you strangely but agrees to change is behavior then you can give it another chance. One thing. If he goes back to his old habits you have to be strong and let him know you are serious and you won't put up with it. You know you deserve better. Tell yourself you will not be disrespected and follow through with your conviction.
Rooster_DAR Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 No, but I sure have rolled out the carpet for a few people. Good post Yamaha!
Pyro Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 If you have, why did you do it? Did you care about them but do it anyway? What stopped you, if you stopped? What did you think about them when you were doing it? Did you feel guilty but do it anyway? I could never stoop to doing that to another human being. Once upon a time I was there and it was an awful feeling to be there. If I meet anyone who is the doormat type I do what I can to help them.
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 No, but I sure have rolled out the carpet for a few people. I've caught myself doing it a time or two and have rolled the carpet back up. Apparently people don't appreciate having the carpet pulled out from under them.
Lucky555 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 yes i have been treated like a door mat. I wished him everything good and he never reciprocated and i felt like my efforts were meaningless to him. I went out of my to make an effort to say happy Easter or christmas...nothing back. When he was sick i bought him food and drinks..things that he liked. I got a thanks thats about it. When i was sick...I didn't even get a "hope you feel better" As time went on i saw my efforts were meaningless to him. So I broke up with him and moved on. I know i might have been busy a lot of times with my work but i always asked him how his day was or just talked...did he do that for me? NO! SO thats when i knew there was no effort on his behalf and Hes gone and i stopped being his friend. Hes not even a friend.
Author confused999 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 If you don't like the way they're treating you then you tell them " hey. I don't like being treated that way or being used". Since you have been with him for 2 years he probably will be ataken back if you start mouthing off to him. I would sit him down and tell him you have noticed he isn't giving near as much in the relationship as you. You are tired of not being appreciated and things have to change if you 2 are 2 continue being together. If he refuses then he is just a dog and your better off without him. If he looks at you strangely but agrees to change is behavior then you can give it another chance. One thing. If he goes back to his old habits you have to be strong and let him know you are serious and you won't put up with it. You know you deserve better. Tell yourself you will not be disrespected and follow through with your conviction. The problem is I don't realize he's treating me poorly when it's happening... only later on when I'm alone and have time to think do I realize that he was saying rude things to me, insulting me. When he has said something that stung so much I teared up a little on the spot, he actually smiled a little... he said the right things, apologized, etc., but his small little smile stuck with me, like he enjoyed my pain. What's that about?
shadowplay Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 yeah, when I was younger there were a few guy friends who I treated like that. I'm not too proud of it.
Yamaha Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 The problem is I don't realize he's treating me poorly when it's happening... only later on when I'm alone and have time to think do I realize that he was saying rude things to me, insulting me. When he has said something that stung so much I teared up a little on the spot, he actually smiled a little... he said the right things, apologized, etc., but his small little smile stuck with me, like he enjoyed my pain. What's that about? I think you can't believe someone you care for would treat you with disrespect. You don't get it because you would never do it to him so it takes you some time to realize he hurt you. He sounds like someone who is used to using and manipulating people. He smiles when he realizes you do understand but then tries to cover it up and apologize. I don't think there is any reason to keep on seeing this guy. Can you tell me what he does for you that makes you stay or are you just so glad to have him around you will put up with any treatment?
megapositive Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I think you can't believe someone you care for would treat you with disrespect. You don't get it because you would never do it to him so it takes you some time to realize he hurt you. He sounds like someone who is used to using and manipulating people. He smiles when he realizes you do understand but then tries to cover it up and apologize. I don't think there is any reason to keep on seeing this guy. Can you tell me what he does for you that makes you stay or are you just so glad to have him around you will put up with any treatment? I guess that's it, that I don't think he'd be trying to hurt/manip me, so I don't hear it that way right away. I just know he's moody and sensitive, and that's his personality, so I guess that's been letting him get away with a lot. The vast majority of the time we get along great, have tons of fun together, laughing and talking all the time, about anything and everything. Then these occurences happen out of the blue and I'm left dazed. He says he's always been controlling, even as a kid. I just must be playing right into his negative behaviours.
lino Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 I could never stoop to doing that to another human being. Once upon a time I was there and it was an awful feeling to be there. If I meet anyone who is the doormat type I do what I can to help them. well said
Lauriebell82 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 The problem is I don't realize he's treating me poorly when it's happening... only later on when I'm alone and have time to think do I realize that he was saying rude things to me, insulting me. When he has said something that stung so much I teared up a little on the spot, he actually smiled a little... he said the right things, apologized, etc., but his small little smile stuck with me, like he enjoyed my pain. What's that about? I've been treated like a doormat before, and believe me you want to stay as far away from those people as you can. People say things they don't mean, make rude comments, ect when they are angry. HOWEVER it's something you can work on. And men who do that DELIBERATLY and with no intention to ever control themselves are the ones you want to stay away from. They will cause you nothing but heartache.
Riley Freeman Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 If you have, why did you do it? Did you care about them but do it anyway? What stopped you, if you stopped? What did you think about them when you were doing it? Did you feel guilty but do it anyway? ive been accused of doing so by an ex-gf........i personally dont think i did her bad, but she didnt know what she was doing so i made every discision weather she liked it or not, and she said i was treating her like a doormat
johan Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I have in the distant past. Briefly once or twice. Sometimes it's hard not to. There are people who sort of set themselves up for it. If I find it happening, I get out. There's no benefit to staying. I can't stand to be around people I don't respect.
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