frownyface42 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 ok, i posted this but then realized it was too much extraneous information and nobody would read it cause it was too long... but i guess it ended up only shortly longer... whoops I dated this girl in HS... we both graduated in 2003 and ended up going to the same college up north from where we live. After getting settled in college she became kinda distant and ended up breaking up with me. I was heartbroken... we did still hang out and fool around, but still it got to me that we weren't BF/GF anymore. We would fight about being together and we eventually decided not to talk anymore. That night I went to a hockey game and got totally hammered... she had to come pick me up... we got in a fight when I found out she had been fooling around with some dude and I ended up punching and cracking her windshield (and im not a violent guy). She then took me inside my apartment and took care of me. She somehow realized she wanted to be with me and we got back together. We went on and off for the remainder of the year... nothing too extravagent but she moved back to the cities to go to school while I stayed up north for another year. We did kinda a long distance relationship and again were on and off because of it. I was looking for someone new and she was waiting for me. I ended up moving back and going to the same university. I however ended up dating a new girl for a few months before the semester started and she turned into crazy ex-girlfriend for the time being. This girl was nothing serious... just hot... but I dated her for a few months. After new girl was over, I got back with old girl but my desire for something new hadn't subsided so we never "got back together." We would still go out on dates, I would sleep over, blah blah blah... but whenever our relationship got brought back up I would kinda run for the hills and we wouldn't talk for a week or so. I was scared of getting back together with her cause I just felt that the second i got back together with her, I would meet a new girl and totally screw her in the process... I didn't want to hurt her again so I kept my distance. I did feel in the back of my head things between us would work out. She was always kinda needy though... when we talked on the phone she would beg me to come stay over, she would make me feel kinda guilty for not hanging out with her (tell me she was busy for the next month and this is the only night we can see eachother). I would get 12 plus calls a night and tons of drunk voicemails. I was kinda a loss for words, but I just took it as she loved me that much. So it was kinda on and off for the last four years... Last year she tried to tell me she was over me, but after a few weeks we tried the "just friends" and her feelings came back which caught me off guard cause I started to get interested in some new girls. I would get scared of her telling me she loved me so I tried to distance myself from her. I always said that the only way I could get back together with her is if she got over me, or dated someone new. I needed a reason or a sign to make the effort cause she made it too damned easy to be with her. So now 2 months ago... after not really hanging out with her for a couple weeks, i find out she has a BF... I've known she has dated people before, but i didn't let it get to me cause it was never serious... But this time I thought to myself, "i don't know if im happy or sad about this" so i texted her i was happy for her. I thought I could deal with it but my anxiety (now being at my first "real" job) has gotten terrible and I can barley deal with it. So we went out to lunch to kinda talk about it... she said that they weren't that serious and that they don't really care about eachother yet. We talked about random stuff, and when we left I said I was happy for her and that she needed this. I felt fine for a week and I haven't really contacted her since then, but I texted her "i miss you" the other week and got a reply with something like "don't think its easy for me not to talk to you, but i think its for the best." Now I wasn't aware of her not talking to me... but I just replied and said something like I "compare it to when you said you were trying to get over me, and I would still come around keeping the feelings there." No on sunday I called her cause I hadn't talked to her in 2 months... she didn't answer so I left her a voicemail and said "lets catch up, how are things, give me a call back"... then on monday I ended up driving right behind her at a stop light and gave her a call... she didn't answer so I left her a message saying "hey i just pulled up behind you, funny coicedence, but i guess your still ignoring me or something... talk to you later." so this girl is not talking to me... its really bothering me cause all I really feel is regret from not being with her 4 years prior and giving her the runaround. I can't really tell if she really even likes her new BF (i don't know him at all) but she says she's happy... I'm pretty miserable right now without being able to talk to her and don't really know what to do. I've been having thoughts of moving out of state to start "anew" but in the back of my mind I wanna wait to try to see if there is anything left with this girl. I can't tell if she is over me (which has never happened before) or what is going on. I always felt we would be together... but now I'm kinda thinking I should just move on... should I still really hold on to this one?? I got real used to knowing she was always there and now i feel pretty empty... Its a lot harder than i could have imagined cause I don't feel to interested in anybody but her and that gets me a lil depressed cause I don't want to feel this way... I can't seem to help wanting to get her back into my life
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