SofiaLo Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 The MM has issues at home, we agreed He will call me when He felt in a better mood. It is a week and no call from him. I want to end this thinking of him. I called today, He will see my # and either call back or ignore it. I don't want to be ignored. I want to tell him that I will no longer see him or wait for his call. I'm sending this to you looking for a way to cope while I change my life. NO, I don't want an affair with a MM.
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Why tell him? Just do it. He has asked for space and hasn't tried to call you or take your calls..Take that as a sign to focus on you and letting go of him. He doesn't need to know your plans to not want to see him or call him. If he calls you in a week, or afew days, THEN tell him that it's over and now YOU don't want him calling you. Take control here and don't even worry about him or what he might think or feel. It's obvious he doesn't care what this is doing to you now, so why worry about him?
Meaplus3 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 The MM has issues at home, we agreed He will call me when He felt in a better mood. It is a week and no call from him. I want to end this thinking of him. I called today, He will see my # and either call back or ignore it. I don't want to be ignored. I want to tell him that I will no longer see him or wait for his call. I'm sending this to you looking for a way to cope while I change my life. NO, I don't want an affair with a MM. I think the best way is just to go No contact. While it may be difficult at the start it's the best way move past the R. Best wishes. AP:)
mytruelove Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 just here offering my support. i have struggled with something similiar-only my man's not married, just girlfriend. i have found that even just "taking a break" from the situation has been helpful. i have found just being honest with him about my feelings has been helpful. i just told him that it didn't feel good when i have felt like i was being blown off or ignored. it doesn't do good for the self-esteem and i asked him to make the phone call, emails - basically pick up the slack. he usually responds well to this. also, when he has outright asked for space for a period of time - i respected that and gave it to him - no matter how extremely hard it was. we're here to help you cope.
Author SofiaLo Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 mytruelove, Thank you for the support. I know that I should keep away. I just finished lifting weight and feel calm. tomorrow will be another day and I m willing to confide whatever I feel here, instead of contacting him. It seems like the moral of the story is not to ever get involved with someone married. Maybe the forum should be called Don't be The other man/woman.
me003 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 don't contact him.. I know it is easier said than done, because I didn't follow my BFF's advice either and I made things worst. (well not for me really but for him because that is how W found out about a 2nd A, not sure if it was PA or just EA) Because of this he will never trust me or want me on his life. Not that I wanted another go at the A, but i will miss his wisdom (believe it or not he is very smart at dealing with people, getting them to do what he wants) hahaha, thats how i got involved. I miss his friendship, but you know what? I have other friends to talk to. I have a life outside of him which I had neglected. If you contact him again, he will continue to talk to you, but only because you are telling him you are leaving, nit because he wants to talk to you.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Maybe the forum should be called Don't be The other man/woman. This forum is a place for OP's. Some are happy being the OP. And some are here to get support while in the A. I was here for support and camraderie. Me and my honey are together now. While A's are not ideal situations, the forum is for OP's in all stages, not just for those wanting to end an A. (Although that is what it seems of late. Alot of OW/M don't post here anymore.) The beauty of the OW forum is that it is a place for OP's to post anonymously to get feedback and encouragement and realize what they want for themselves, individually. Your conclusion may be different from someone else's conclusion. There are those that are happy being the OW and there are those who aren't and there are those who wait it out. If you don't want to be the OW anymore, then stop being the OW. You have control over your life and your choices. Make a choice that is good for you. GEL
Author SofiaLo Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 how are you doing? I feel a bit numb today. But I'm pleased to be losing weight as planned. There is not much that can hold my attention for long (yet, I want to start selling clothes out of my house by October). Starting on my own is fear that I think makes me run into the delusion of having a meaningful relationship with this MM. How are you doing? I send you hugs and support in loving You.
mytruelove Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 i'm okay. i updated on my other threads. it's a rollercoaster that's for sure, but things are better right now. he has this inate ability to sense what i'm feeling and when i'm getting frustrated and he becomes more attentive and makes an effort to make sure things are okay. read my other threads and tell me what you think. starting over on my own is a huge fear of mine too. i'm just doing what i have to do, not by choice, but because it is what has to be done. keep yourself busy and just do one thing at a time so you don't get overwelmed. congrats on the losing weight. i lost weight too and it has made a world of difference for me. take care hon
emily d Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 The MM has issues at home, we agreed He will call me when He felt in a better mood. It is a week and no call from him. I want to end this thinking of him. I called today, He will see my # and either call back or ignore it. I don't want to be ignored. I want to tell him that I will no longer see him or wait for his call. I'm sending this to you looking for a way to cope while I change my life. NO, I don't want an affair with a MM. I felt for you, I was in a similar situation couple years ago. Without any supporting or consoling, I tried to have a closure with him unexpectedly without giving too many thoughts. It wasn’t the right time (NC), he was not in the right mood and in the wrong place. He didn’t know how to handle it. Things turned extremely ugly (wife rushed over there) and I became the only bad person there (which wasn’t the truth, but it became an excuse for him not feeling guilty at all). Later, we accidently met each other. He stopped his car right next to me, he stared at me sadly with an wishful smile, his entire body turned to my direction, and his hand almost reached mine. I knew that he still loved me and regretted for what he had done. However, I was still furious about that ugly day and how he humiliated me. I just looked away, walked off, and gave him a finger. I still loved him though Last year, he separated from his wife. I had pretty good chance to go back with him. But because what i did changed our destination. The conclusion? Don’t do anything just out of blue. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Let it be until your time has come Don’t burn the bridge!
Author SofiaLo Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Thank you emely d, How are you doing now? What did you do? .......married a "nice guy"? In any case, thank you for being here and lets dig for something to smile about.
wildsoul Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I just looked away, walked off, and gave him a finger. I still loved him though. Although your post reads with regrets about "changing our destination," I (she who is having a terrible day and not easily amused) am smiling at your chutzpah! Lady, you flipped him the bird? Priceless. I imagine you in your technicolor splendor, a movie heroine, a woman who changed her destiny in a positive way. A friend was saying to me recently how hard it is when we are sad at losing something we really wanted. How that regret makes US feel like losers. How we screwed up. But he said it seems that many times, the things we "lost" would have been bad for us. That it was sometimes heaven's intervention to take things away. For if we'd have got what we thought we wanted, we'd be suffering more. Reading your story and remembering my friend's persepctive reminds me too. I feel like I might be losing my destiny. (I'm in big-time relationship withdrawals.) But maybe, just maybe, I'm saving my destiny. SofiaLo: Good for you for looking at how your fears of being on your own are making you want MM even more. I understand. That is a vulnerablity for me too.
Author SofiaLo Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Hi GreenEyeLady, I'm glad you are with your honey now. I like coming to this forum for the reasons you expressed in your post. Thank you for sharing a positive development and sticking around to give your support.
Author SofiaLo Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 wildsoul, I think we are doing better than we think. Look at you, you are having a terrible day and yet gave an amazingly touching and uplifting post here. I'm smiling too. Thanks.
me003 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Sofia.. have you posted your story here? I would really love to hear more about it. My situation sounds kind of similar to yours.
mytruelove Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 how are you doing today? thinking about you...
crystal_lostheart Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Hi Sofia - hope things are getting better for you. Sometimes, I wish my MM would just end things with me so I can get on with my life- but it won't happen. He won't do it. I have tried to end it once before in the early days but he came back and I let him. If he isn't contacting you, as hard and horrible as it feels - it's also probably telling you something. It's hurtful but If you really want to tell him yourself that it's over- then do it and move on. Easier said than done I know..... Best of Luck
Author SofiaLo Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 thank you crystal, Last three days have been dull. I don't seem to react. I hear of people having a hard time but also doing something about. My children are coming to visit and my xh called to offer a queen bed for the duration of the visit. 6 years divorced. 1 and half year living in this new place my children have stayed here already. they are 21 and 22, going to college. Do I need to be reminded that my life is in pieces?. I didn't take on the offer.
Recommended Posts