Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Today for some reason has been a really tough day. I can't get my ex off of my mind no matter how hard I try. I know I can't contact him, because no good would come from it. We have been broken up since 16 July and it's really killing me. I need him, I really do. I miss him,...everything about him. I love him so much. I know hoping for us to get back together is the wrong thing to do, but I just can't give up. Not yet. I'm not ready. This is such an alone, empty feeling.
Ingenue Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I'm sorry you're having such a bad day Sassi. I know it feels like you're all alone, but there's always the folks at LS and all your friends and family who can be a tremendous social support network for you. That emptiness and sadness that you feel is normal. You've experienced a loss and you're trying to process, accept and grieve for it. I was dumped in mid June and the first month was absolutely brutal for me. But, as cliched as this sounds, time really does heal wounds. As the days pass, the empty feeling won't feel as despairing as it first felt. You'll find that some days will be bad while others will have you dancing around the room. Give yourself the time to feel what you need to feel. If you need to cry, do so. But trust me, you'll get through this and come out a stronger person.
Author Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Ingenue - Thanks for your post. Unfortunately my friends were all friends of his--so they are now gone. All of my girlfriends that I had have moved away over the past couple of years. So now they are all gone too. I do have my parents, but they really don't tend to understand. So that's why I've been turning to this site. It's really been a great help just to be able to correspond with people, and get their thoughts and support and to know I'm not going insane (even though at times it certainly feels like it).
Mangell Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Sorry to hear your having a bad day. These last few weeks have been so up and down for me. One night she came back and was being really cuddly and eventually stayed over. The next day she was cold and distant and said it had been a mistake and she was feeling a bit randy! So, however much you long for a chat, or to hear their voice or just to cuddle up again, unless it's the real deal it just puts you back to square one. I wish there was a magic formula for feeling good again. Today I saw loads of my family and even though it was at a funeral of an aunt I still had a good day and finally focussed on something other than my ex. Now back home again I can feel all the insecurities rushing back. It's S**t! I hope you have a better day tomorrow!
JooLee Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 i know how you're feeling. im feeling the same thing at this moment. but nothing we can do but to toughen up and push the feelings away. whenever i get this feeling i go out, call a friend, read articles about getting over someone or write down my feelings. more like a letter to the ex which i will never send. and it helps, because these are just feelings and the feeling will pass eventually. you have to keep reminding yourself that if he doesnt want to be with you, why should you? and that the break up has helped you learn many things about yourself and how to be the next time around. i know right now, your confidence, and joy is crushed and it seems like when you're smiling its all pretense but allow yourself the hope that in time, your smile will be from your heart and its course of yourself, not someone else making you smile. listen to some songs about moving on. it helps
Author Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 i'm just so sad, and so miserable. i'm back once again having that crazy tightness in my chest, feel like i've GOT to call him feeling. i know if i did, that would only result in him telling me once again, it's over. which would crush me all over again. i guess i just loved him more than he loved me. i would never choose to be away from him, no matter what we would of gone through. i would of never given up on him, or us.
Mangell Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 i'm just so sad, and so miserable. i'm back once again having that crazy tightness in my chest, feel like i've GOT to call him feeling. i know if i did, that would only result in him telling me once again, it's over. which would crush me all over again. i guess i just loved him more than he loved me. i would never choose to be away from him, no matter what we would of gone through. i would of never given up on him, or us. That's what gives me the tightness in the chest. Although I made a lot of mistakes if I had known she was hurting as much as I am now I would never have put her through it. That's what my heart tells me now anyway. i know deep down she's not trying to be nasty or cold - she really does need time and she doesn't want to pretend to be nice if I'm going to take it as a sign of hope which may not be there. Our own minds are our worst enemies right now - we imagine them having a great time, out partying, everyone attracted to them when really we want them to be wallowing in a pit of self-loathing and missing us badly. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle - if the relationship meant something they will be thinking of us. They won't tell us half of what they're thinking about in case we get our hopes up. It doesn't make them all evil, unfeeling people. I know what you're going through though - sometimes I just wish I was asleep and not having to face up to it. Just try and follow all the good advice about focussing on yourself - get out the house. Talk to someone - anyone. You're the same person you were before you even met this guy you had a life then and you will again with or without him. All the very best of luck. I hope you start having some good days. x
Author Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 This is all so, so hard. He was everything to me. Now I just feel so alone, and so lost. It's horrible to wake up each morning to not have him there and to have to face the reality that he probably never will be there again. It just breaks my heart over and over. What I would give to have his arms around me again. I felt so loved, and so safe in his arms. Now I'm alone and empty. I keep replaying so many things over and over in my head. I want him back so badly. I'm not sure how I'm going to get over this.
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Sassi i feel the same...i really do. and its been 2 months now. sometimes i feel im getting better, other times i dont. the feeling of your heart breaking and the misery....i expect it stays for a while. but it does get a teeny, tiny bit better as each day passes. its one more day you're closer to being over it. its really hard. and i wish i could tell you the magic "thing" that makes it all better, but i cant. all i know is that this CANT be forever. it just CANT. Is there anything you can do for yourself? read? yoga? go out with coworkers? the yoga has helped soooo much with my anxiety- sometimes i still cant sleep, but its waaaayyy better than before. and its something to do. btw- i signed up for yahoo messenger. now i just gotta figure out how it works but as soon as i do ill let you know!!
Author Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Ugh,..GOD why can't I stop going through all of this over and over!!!! Replaying EVERYTHING. Trying to figure it all out. Trying to come up with all of the reasons, and the why, why, whys of it all. I feel like I'm just going in circles here. Just never-ending replays of the same questions and of course never finding any sort of an answer. Well,..not an answer that I'm wanting to accept anyway. DAMN HIM!!!
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 you'll do that for a long time and slowly you'll get sick of it. its started to slow down a bit for me. but it still happens.
SilverLining Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Sassi, I'm so, so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through, and you are right, it hurts! It feels like your heart is getting ripped out and you can't even yell out because you have this huge knot in your throat. You cry and cry and think that there are no more tears left, but there are and they will be back. I know right now you feel hopeless and panicky, but believe me when I tell you that the best way to not feel like that anymore is to get outside. Go for a walk when you feel that way. Maybe get a second job or take some dance classes. I know you don't have many friends in the area, so take up an activity you have always wanted to do but haven't yet. Why don't you volunteer somewhere? Or visit extended relatives. Get yourself a new kitten or puppy to love. Offer to babysit for neighbors. Get thyself to a gym and work out a bit. Listen, we all suffer at one point or another, and you are not alone. Do something to celebrate you. You are strong and you will be even stronger after this. Some day, you will be telling someone else that they will be able to move through a breakup, and you will be saying that if you had still been with that guy, you wouldn't have met your amazing husband. Good luck!
Author Sassi75 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 Another bad morning for me. I really just wanted to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself all day today. It takes everything I have to get in here to the office each day. Instead of me feeling better, I believe I'm feeling worse as each day passes. I still have not contacted him. I mark each day off on the calendar at home with a big "NC". Honestly instead of that making me feel stronger, it makes me cry. It makes me so sad to see how many days have passed and he has not so much as called just to see how I am, or anything. I'm not sure how he's able to even do this. It's like he's just shut me out of his life completely--with a flip of a switch--boom--over. I can't imagine how this is all my reality now.
HopeDiesLast Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 sassi i understand. my ex is seeing someone. maybe its serious, maybe its not. but he is. thats my reality. and i cant even call him or text him to guage anything. im dying inside.
Author Sassi75 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 Hope - I'm sorry to hear that. How did you find out? Did mutual friends tell you? I guess none of that really matters at this point though. I know how much it hurts to find out something like this. Try to allow it to give you more of a reason to be mad at him, and to continue with NC. If these guys can just up and leave us and jump into being with another girl so quickly,...than we MUST realize that they just are no longer worth our tears and all of these emotions. Somehow we have to figure out how to channel all of this energy into making us better.
HopeDiesLast Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 its over sassi. it is. i have nothing to hold onto anymore. no reason for hope. i just feel numb. so ill do my best to move on...and the little ray of hope in my heart will fade on its own.
Author Sassi75 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 You can always keep with you the memories of the life that the two of you shared. He will always have those memories too. You've both made and impact on each others lives. That will not go away. Take care of yourself Hope. There is a man out there ready to sweep you off your feet that will treat you like the princess that you are, and would never allow you to feel the hurt you are feeling right now. You deserve better--you have to believe that.
HopeDiesLast Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 i want him to be my better. i know hes capable of it. thats what's holding me back.
Author Sassi75 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 I'm with you Hope - I feel the same way. I wish I could tell you what to do and how to stop wanting him. I have not figured that out. Eventually I have to believe we will figure all of this out...somehow.
Author Sassi75 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 It makes me even more sad to tell you that I think that there's going to be quite a few more sad days to come--for me anyway.
the2gman Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 My wife left me about 3 weeks ago. Next month we would be married 20 years. 20 YEARS!!!! Over the years shes left once or twice, but only for a few days. She had an affair like 5 years ago, although she swears it was only an emotional one. She says I was overbearing, always wanting to know where she was at. But, she admits I became that was after her affair. I don't think we ever really worked through it, instead brushed it under the rug. But after all these years, how can she just leave and not think about me like i constantly thikn of her. WHy doenst she want to call or text me like I want to her. So all of these years meant nothing? And we have 3 boys. The older ones are ok ,,but our yungest is only 12. WHy doenst she miss the boys? I dont know....maybe in the end we are better off. My emotions are all over the place. I miss her. I am so mad at her. I am so lonely. I want her back. I don;t want her back. She said she's not "in love" with me. I am so deeply in love with her. But why? I think thats what I need to examine. WHy do people who loved us hurt us so? I would never put anyone through I'm going through. I feel all of your pain...there has to be an end to this...someday I will get over this, I want to get over this. I know we all will
HopeDiesLast Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 the2gman- i wish we all had the answer to how we are so deeply in love with our ex's and it seems like they dont even care. Like they dont even miss us. I dont understand it. She HAS to miss the boys. HAS to....she's their mom! Maybe we're all better off...its just hard to think that when you're in love. How can we all be in love with people who aren't good for us?
the2gman Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 The hardest part for me is the weekends. At least during the week I get my mind on work, at least for 15-30 minutes at a time. But on the weekends, there is LOTS of free time to think. I have done so much walking the past few weeks. Its good and bad in my opinion. LOTS of free time to think, but it also give me time to reflect on myself. Funny, I find that I prefer to walk in areas where I might accidently bump into a kind soul who can feel me. Of course I havent, but its better than walking in remote areas, which I find makes me sadder for some reason. I have made a few calls this week to divorce type suppport groups. I am going to a group on Tuesday. I hear in some of these groups people are there and bash their ex. I dont want that. I dont hate her, at least not yet. I just want someone to empathize with me, and maybe she with me tools they have used to get through this difficuty time. I also am going to church tomorrow and SUnday for the first time in years. I think this might help me to. I hope so anyways. My wife was suppposed to call me last night. Of course, I carried my cell with me every where, even the bathroom, so I wouldnt miss her call. Of course, she didnt call. I soooo want to ignore her call today. I want to hit the red "don;t answer" button on my cell. But what if she has a legitimate reason for not calling yesterday. WOw, I am screwed up. Let's all keep in touch here....you dont know how much it helps to write this out and here from others in similar situations. Good luck to you all! Good luck to US all!
HopeDiesLast Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I think anytime you're not busy is bad. Mornings when i'd get a call before work are bad. and weekends are tough when id like to be sitting on a couch watching movies with him....and not at the bar scene. I need to get back into church also. i hear that helps. and i text him today and asked if he'd call me on his break from work or when he's out. i haven't talked to him in 4 weeks but its not helping like it should because im hanging on to this hope that were going to reconcile. i just want to know either way if im hanging on cus there may be hope- or if im totally hopeless. and i want to hear it from him. Maybe im screwing up a chance of him changing his mind, but i doubt it. if he is meant to change his mind then he will. i just cant torture myself any longer.
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