lizamcfc Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I've only just broken up with my boyfriend, well, I say only just, it was 2 weekss ago now. There's a thread here somewhere about it so I won't go into all the details. I'm feeling a lot better than I did at the beginning, instead of hoping for him back if I give him space, I think that now, even if he did ever want me back, I don't want him. He's done too much to hurt me since the breakup, kinda feels like he gets some sort of enjoyment from it. So right now its NC for us. 2 days and counting! Anyway, I'm waffling. The thing is, his brother is getting married in a few weeks and its the girlfriend's hen night this Saturday. So I emailed her yesterday saying 'I'm really sorry but I can't make Saturday. Have a nice wedding and honeymoon. Take care xxxx' So anyway she replied saying 'Are you sure? It's all been paid for and stuff now' So now I'm like... I dunno. I always liked her but she's marrying his brother, and my ex's mum and sister are both going to be there. And it's just like, I don't know what to do. Natalie (the hen) knows about our situation so maybe she does genuinely want me to go or... maybe she's just being polite... So like, I just wanted to know, should I go? It could be a good chance for me to build bridges with his family - we were together 4 years so I do care about his family too. I don't know. Please help!
Ms. Red Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Without going back & reading your history of your breakup, my first thought is to call Natalie and tell it like it is. Explain how you feel to her. You broke up with him, not his family. Time will tell if you will stay in contact with the family or not. I'm still in contact with my X's family from years ago. He & I met when I was 13 & they were a big part of my life. When I married & had my son, I took the baby to "Mom" & "Dad" to meet him. I've attended weddings & other family events through the years. However, I have another X BF who's family I was really close with & we did lose contact. It all depends on the situation. I think the best thing is like I said, call Natalie & tell her how you feel. Good luck!
mma_j Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 It's a tough situation. I am in that position now where I want to reach out and contact my ex's family. They are my best friends in life and are everything I could ever ask for. But I know this... Eventually, I will have to ween myself off them because if I ever see my ex with anybody else in a family setting, it may be too painful for me to deal with... Reach out to them. If they care, they will help you.
CaliGuy Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Speaking on behalf of someone who has a very real life experience with keeping in contact with the Ex's family - DO NOT DO IT. As much as I love my Ex's family, they are HER family, not mine. What usually ended up happening is her mom would often tell me what she was up to. All this did was delay my healing. I finally had to break off the relationship. I haven't talked to her family much in well over a year now and it's excellerated my healing 10 fold. If you want to heal, you need to let go of the past. Your ex's family is part of the past. As for the wedding, I would politely decline again. You need time to heal and your ex's family should understand that.
Crestfallen_KH Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I agree with CaliGuy. When my ex-husband announced that he was leaving me, my ex MIL and SIL reached out to me. They were very supportive, upset with the ex about the affair, and tried to support me. It quickly became awkward, particularly when my ex took his new gf to meet his mom just a month after we separated. We hadn't even filed for divorce yet. Despite her support, that's HIS mom. I realized at that point, knowing she was entertaining her son and his also-married gf, that I had to let them go. CaliGuy is right - that's HIS family. Though it's hard, though he may have broken up with you, they're not your family.
mma_j Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Speaking on behalf of someone who has a very real life experience with keeping in contact with the Ex's family - DO NOT DO IT. As much as I love my Ex's family, they are HER family, not mine. What usually ended up happening is her mom would often tell me what she was up to. All this did was delay my healing. I finally had to break off the relationship. I haven't talked to her family much in well over a year now and it's excellerated my healing 10 fold. If you want to heal, you need to let go of the past. Your ex's family is part of the past. As for the wedding, I would politely decline again. You need time to heal and your ex's family should understand that. This is great advice. This will probably be the most difficult thing for me to do. I am moving away from them soon, but for the past 10 years, they've been a huge part of my life. I know of ex's that have remained close family friends with their other halfs, even after a marriage, so while it's not out of the question, it will depend on the family situation. Your friends are friends, family are family, and the two cross. There's no straight divide. But whatever helps your feelings is what you need to do.
CaliGuy Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Boy I just realized I had a major grammatical error in my response. Excellerated? LOL. That's not even a word! Accelerated!!! Oops.
ioncebelieved Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Boy I just realized I had a major grammatical error in my response. Excellerated? LOL. That's not even a word! Accelerated!!! Oops. Man you lost the freaking world spelling championship!!! Okay, I am kidding!!! Sucks to lose Exes family during a break up! I miss them more than my ex wife!!!! The ex wife was easy getting rid of though.
Author lizamcfc Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 Ok I decided not to go but I don't know how to tell her. I did say I didn't think I'd be able to go, and she replied saying, but you've paid now! I didn't really want to give the breakup as a reason because I thought it might make things awkward.
0hpenelope Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Ok I decided not to go but I don't know how to tell her. I did say I didn't think I'd be able to go, and she replied saying, but you've paid now! I didn't really want to give the breakup as a reason because I thought it might make things awkward. If you had gone, being there would've been awkward. Choosing between the lesser of two evils, the awkward "I'm sorry, it's just that the break-up makes me feel uncomfortable to be there" (Gosh, Dear Abby makes her succinct one-liners look easy to pen!) is preferable and honest. I've yet to see or hear about an ex's family who wasn't understanding or compassionate about it. I hope your ex's family won't be like that. Just my $0.02. Good luck!
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