He won't do the little things

[inagreen]

Hello all,

 

I've been going out and living with my boyfriend for 4 years now, our anniversary was yesterday. Precisely four months ago, I posted another thread about how I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me for the past year and all the way he had lied his way through until I caught him red-handed by searching through his emails.

 

Anyway, long story short we've decided to give it another go and at the time I told him that he needs to take responsibility for my insecurities, lack of trust and make it up to me by doing the little things that makes me happy. He agreed to all this. After being with him for 3 years, I learnt that showing signs of insecurity is not an attractive trait. After learning that he cheated on me I prevented myself from expressing any concern of mine that relates to my insecurity to him. BUT I do regularly asks him whose texting him and there were occasional times where I would address him if he was still talking to the girls that he went out with.

 

Since April, he has not made any effort to make me happy. Sure we do routine things such as holding each other when watching tv, or kiss each other before bedtime and when he goes off to work, and he tells me he loves me when he's leaving for work. Those are the only times I get any affection from him. I told him that I would appreciate him doing more - such that kissess and 'I love you's out of random and WITHOUT me having to ask for him to do it. Yeah, thats right, If I wanted any kiss or him saying I love you to me, I have to ask. Otherwise he wouldnt do it.

 

I also told him it would be nice if he could send me little notes or ecards or random emails once in awhile, as he used to do all those things to me when we first started going out in the first 2 years we live together. He has never done it since, and when I ask him time and time again, he still wouldnt do it. Until 2 weeks ago, when I said that it almost seemed as though he doesnt have an ounce in him to care to make me happy or make it up to me, to do the little things to make me happy, that morning he sent me an ecard or email with, Hello, Love You, Bye. I was so distraught that I didnt know what to say nor do. Is it my fault to think that he does it ONLY because I tell him to and he honestly couldnt give a damn? I confronted this to him and tells me off saying that the next time he wouldnt bother because I would keep thinking that he did it only because I told him to. But, Hello Love you Bye? That sounds really pathetic isn't it? I told him all I wanted was some effort in his part to actually show that he does care about what makes me happy. He wouldn't have any of it.

 

What bugged me the most is this: He has stopped given me any cards since our anniversary last year (That's when the cheating began). He didn't bother to give me any card on Christmas, Birthday, Valentine's and not even yesterday on our 4 years anniversary. When I told him off about this, he said it's a freaking piece of paper. And I retorted saying that it's possibly the most insensitive thing anyone can do. The content of the card that matters most. He told me that it's a pain to live with me these days as I kept 'whinging' and 'whining' everyday for the past few weeks about him to do the little things. And that I couldn't even appreciate that he took us out lastnight for a show - I was the one who suggested that we do something and pestered him to think about something instead of me planning everything all the time.

 

At lunchtime yesterday, after me whining enough to him, he got me a card, but didnt give it to me yet because he said he hasnt got the time to write the card for me.

 

Right now, I want an honest point of view in regards to my relationship. Am I being too obsessive about the little things he should do to make me happy? Should I just let go and accept that things will never change and whatever happened in the past will stay in the past? He used to do them to me and not anymore. If he wanted to make it up to me and make the relationship work, isn't this something that he should want to do to show me he cares? Oh by the way, he did PLENTY of things last year for the girl he was cheating on me with, like sending her bloody hat that I chose which he told me was for his sister, teddy bear, cards, long emails every days, make long distance phone calls regularly to China (Once it costed him $180 as he called her without calling card) till early in the morning, sending her videos of him, etc.

 

I feel utterly devastated. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[LAC]

OK, here is my honest response. You have every right to be devastated by what he did ... you think you know someone and love him and that he loves you and is honest with you ... and then he goes and does something like that. You must really, really love this guy to stick with him after that. And he must really love you to be able to admit he was wrong. But -- this is going to be a major ghost in your relationship that you will always have to deal with.

 

I think it sounds like you are focusing on little things in order to make up for one very big thing -- a lack of trust. Don't feel like he went for another girl because of something you are lacking ... and don't let his failure to do the "little things" for you show some kind of sign that you are not as good for him as that other girl (you mentioned that he did all those things for her).

 

A lot of guys are not as into cards and little signs of affection as women are ... they want to get straight to the point (sex) or maybe show you things in a more active way, like the show he took you to. Regardless of that, if it means a lot to you, he should make the effort to do it. My boyfriend knows that cards mean a lot to me, so he has made the effort to give them to me ... although, sometimes that means he'll just get me a card and dinner for Valentine's Day and no present! Like he thinks the card and the dinner are the present -- and I should not want flowers, as well. He always teases me and says I am too traditional. But hey, I like what I like!

 

We all have our own definitions of what is a sign of love. I bet you weren't picky in the beginning about what he did for you because a) he was new to you and b) he was still being very romantic. Relationships change as they progress and you can't go back to the beginning ... but it's a good idea to revisit it sometimes. Like for Valentine's Day last year, I took my boyfriend out to dinner at the diner where we used to go all the time. It was just a diner, but it was romantic because it reminded us of how far we had come together.

 

And that's right -- I took HIM out. I'm guessing you do all these "little things" for him, too? Or do you think you are sort of "punishing" him for what he did by getting him to do this stuff?

 

You really can't force anyone to do anything, and especially not in the name of love.

[Krytie TV]

I think you need all of these little things from him because you really aren't getting anything at all, and that might at least be able to trick you into thinking this is a solid relationship. In reality, though, if he was doing the little things, you would want more. That's what happens when you're in a relationship with a "taker" and are starving for attention. You always need just a little bit more. I have been there multiple times. For the first time I am with a giver and I can't imagine how I ever endured my relationships with takers.

 

I'll tell you that even if he did do these little things, it would only be putting a bandaid on a severed arm. There is more [not] going on here than little emails or anniversary cards. I infer from your tone you are getting fed up, and should be. I think you should stop thinking so much about these little "badges of honor" you're asking for and start asking yourself what is really missing. You may find it's much more significant than you think.

[Krytie TV]

I think you need all of these little things from him because you really aren't getting anything at all, and that might at least be able to trick you into thinking this is a solid relationship. In reality, though, if he was doing the little things, you would want more. That's what happens when you're in a relationship with a "taker" and are starving for attention. You always need just a little bit more. I have been there multiple times. For the first time I am with a giver and I can't imagine how I ever endured my relationships with takers.

 

I'll tell you that even if he did do these little things, it would only be putting a bandaid on a severed arm. There is more [not] going on here than little emails or anniversary cards. I infer from your tone you are getting fed up, and should be. I think you should stop thinking so much about these little "badges of honor" you're asking for and start asking yourself what is really missing. You may find it's much more significant than you think.

[Krytie TV]

Apparently I felt so strongly about that I said it twice

[inagreen]

OK, here is my honest response. You have every right to be devastated by what he did ... you think you know someone and love him and that he loves you and is honest with you ... and then he goes and does something like that. You must really, really love this guy to stick with him after that. And he must really love you to be able to admit he was wrong. But -- this is going to be a major ghost in your relationship that you will always have to deal with.

 

I think it sounds like you are focusing on little things in order to make up for one very big thing -- a lack of trust. Don't feel like he went for another girl because of something you are lacking ... and don't let his failure to do the "little things" for you show some kind of sign that you are not as good for him as that other girl (you mentioned that he did all those things for her).

 

A lot of guys are not as into cards and little signs of affection as women are ... they want to get straight to the point (sex) or maybe show you things in a more active way, like the show he took you to. Regardless of that, if it means a lot to you, he should make the effort to do it. My boyfriend knows that cards mean a lot to me, so he has made the effort to give them to me ... although, sometimes that means he'll just get me a card and dinner for Valentine's Day and no present! Like he thinks the card and the dinner are the present -- and I should not want flowers, as well. He always teases me and says I am too traditional. But hey, I like what I like!

 

We all have our own definitions of what is a sign of love. I bet you weren't picky in the beginning about what he did for you because a) he was new to you and b) he was still being very romantic. Relationships change as they progress and you can't go back to the beginning ... but it's a good idea to revisit it sometimes. Like for Valentine's Day last year, I took my boyfriend out to dinner at the diner where we used to go all the time. It was just a diner, but it was romantic because it reminded us of how far we had come together.

 

And that's right -- I took HIM out. I'm guessing you do all these "little things" for him, too? Or do you think you are sort of "punishing" him for what he did by getting him to do this stuff?

 

You really can't force anyone to do anything, and especially not in the name of love.

 

First and foremost, thank you so much for the response and advise.

 

What he had done to me was wrong, and initially when I confronted him cheating he was like,"Oh cmon, it's nothing. It was fun, it didn't mean anything" and it almost seemed as though he couldn't understand the devastation effect he had caused until I told him it was over. When it finally dawned on him, all he cared about then was to severed any relationship or ties he has with me such that he doesn't want anyone to know what he did. He came crawling back saying that what he did was wrong, and simply apologise. That was it.

 

A week after we got back together, he did show me signs of affection. It faded quickly as he thinks he is secure with me and that I wouldn't leave. This is the first sign that makes me feel as though he only does it so that I would stay. Doesnt this just shows how much he's taking me for granted?

 

And yes, you are right. There is a significant lack of trust and issues surrounding this subject. However, only PARTLY of the reason why I want him to do the little things concerns the lack of trust. I am an utter hopeless romantic. Yes I USED to send him e-cards, write him nice emails, insert some notes, TRY to kiss him passionately, and just simply do things to make him feel much loved. I also almost always take him out for dinner, if I didnt initiate anything I would've ended up cooking everynight. I stopped doing all this last year when the bitterness crept in.

 

Even worse, I have an extremely high sex drive. We used to make love almost everyday and sometimes twice daily. Right now, I would be very lucky if we get to do it 3 times a week. He gets what he wants from me all the time, but when I am in the mood and he's not, he would just brush me off.

 

He knows what makes me happy, and as mentioned he USED to do all those things to me for good 1-2 years, and understand that what matters most to me in a relationship is passion, honesty and loyalty. Why in the world would he be with me if he thinks he could not provide those things that I think is the foundation of my relationship? I mean, why only did it so that I would go out with him and love him then stop showing me affection knowing that I would then resent our relationship because he cannot provide? Isn't that a really selfish thing to do?

 

Like you said, your bf gives you what makes you happy. I am not asking for a present, in fact I've lived all my life in materialistic way such that my parents throw me money anytime I feel sad. I dont need present, I dont need superficial things. I am not asking for a car, a house, or even a gift. I am asking for a simple sign of love and care - meaningful contents of the card that shows me he is thoughtful, kisses and hugs and I love you's that tells me he puts effort to show me just that.

 

I think you need all of these little things from him because you really aren't getting anything at all, and that might at least be able to trick you into thinking this is a solid relationship. In reality, though, if he was doing the little things, you would want more. That's what happens when you're in a relationship with a "taker" and are starving for attention. You always need just a little bit more. I have been there multiple times. For the first time I am with a giver and I can't imagine how I ever endured my relationships with takers.

 

I'll tell you that even if he did do these little things, it would only be putting a bandaid on a severed arm. There is more [not] going on here than little emails or anniversary cards. I infer from your tone you are getting fed up, and should be. I think you should stop thinking so much about these little "badges of honor" you're asking for and start asking yourself what is really missing. You may find it's much more significant than you think.

 

You are right. Why am I so concern of wanting to feel loved? It's the only last piece of thing that is worth fighting for in this relationship. There are no compromise in this relationship anymore - almost everything I do now have to resort to what he wants to do. I am an outdoor type of person and enjoy doing new things but he only cares to sit at home and watch tv and do nothing. 9/10 of our days, we do just that. In fact, make it 19/20.

 

The thing with me is that I thrive to be the best I can be, at whatever it is I do. I am a person of principle and I know that love is my happiness. I put a significant amount of effort and thought into what makes a relationship works. I am constantly aware that people are susceptible to take each other for granted easily. I fight againts this, and no, if he shows me affection, I would be extremely happy and not ask for more. For consistency, yes, not more.

 

As mentioned, I know this relationship suffers from lack of trust greatly, but I feel that the first step of overcoming any trust issues start from a happy and fulfilled relationship. If I feel I have enough affection or that my partner makes enough effort to make me feel loved or show me he cares to make things better between us, then I know we are heading somewhere. If not this, what else can I count on?

[Krytie TV]

Let me just say that I am a romantic too. That said though, I almost never think to do random little things like get a card or buy flowers. I may think of it when I'm at a place where they are, but that's about it. It's just not a natural thing for a lot of guys to do, and shouldn't necessarily equate to a lack of love. But the physical, nonsexual intimacy should be your best indicator.

[inagreen]

Let me just say that I am a romantic too. That said though, I almost never think to do random little things like get a card or buy flowers. I may think of it when I'm at a place where they are, but that's about it. It's just not a natural thing for a lot of guys to do, and shouldn't necessarily equate to a lack of love. But the physical, nonsexual intimacy should be your best indicator.

 

Okay, I am not particularly stating that I want him to send me e-cards/ emails at a particular time or day or week or month. The whole point of this thread is that I dont understand why he'd just stopped doing all those thoughtful things to me. Not limiting to cards, as it was an example like taking me to live concert that he knew I love, or a nice simple surprise would do.

 

Anyway yes, kisses and everything else meant more to me - something he still wont do. But I have to stress the fact that I feel really devastated and angry that he couldnt even bloody give me a card yesterday or have something nice to say to me when he KNOWS that it means ALOT to me. To me cards for occassions such as Anniversary, Christmas, Birthday and Valentine's are just essential. And I haven't got any since last year. I am angry and annoyed and feel like he could not be bothered. Damn I really should stop ranting. I feel so much resentment. Sigh.

 

Okay, would it be best then for me to stop asking him for anything at all and simply live with it?

[zicke]

Inagreen, my guess would be is that he KNOWS he has you. I mean, the guy cheated on you, and you are still around. So in his head, he can disrespect you and you won't leave. Why does he need to try, when you are doing all the work in the relationship? He can go off, **** other women, and still have you at home begging him for scraps of attention.

 

You've lived together for 4 years, are there plans for marriage at all? Is this the man you want to marry? Why are you with him because it's scary to be out there on your own?

 

I have been in your situation, 4 years with someone who probably cheated and treated me like crap. I did all the heavy lifting in the relationship and he was just along for the ride, as long as the ride didn't ask for anything. I lived with him as well. No bday, xmas presents. Vday I was taken out ONLY BECAUSE his friends had dates already, otherwise he told me he was going to go out with them. Seriously, I put up with it because I thought I loved him. HA!

 

I am FINALLY (thank GOD) out of that situation and seeing a very nice sexy guy, who is fun and treats me respectfully. Like night and day.

 

If I were in your situation, and I was, I would leave. Once he finds it OK to treat you disrespectfully, he will never treat you any other way.

 

Good luck sweetie--you deserve better than this.

[Treasa]

I agree with some of the others. You've sent him the message that you're willing to put up with whatever he does to you, and that he has to do very little to maintain a relationship with you.

 

If you're constantly asking for little things, he's going to see it as nagging, and won't respond favorably.

 

I personally wouldn't have even seen this guy anymore after not only finding out about the cheating (was it an emotional affair or a physical one as well?) but his reaction to me finding out. However, if I did decide to give him another chance, I'd be playing it super cool and letting him EARN me back. And then I'd continue to maintain my own and make myself happy.

 

I think you're too focused on him making you happy, and he isn't the one who's responsible for that. You are. Just like he isn't responsible for your self esteem. You are.

[Ruby Slippers]

I can't believe that anyone is even suggesting you stay with this guy. He sounds like a complete jerk. He does not and will not care for you the way you deserve. He's proven that in a hundred different ways. Please re-read your post carefully. Imagine your best friend is telling you this about her boyfriend. What would you say to her?

[stefspets]

Hello all,

 

I've been going out and living with my boyfriend for 4 years now, our anniversary was yesterday. Precisely four months ago, I posted another thread about how I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me for the past year and all the way he had lied his way through until I caught him red-handed by searching through his emails.

 

Anyway, long story short we've decided to give it another go and at the time I told him that he needs to take responsibility for my insecurities, lack of trust and make it up to me by doing the little things that makes me happy. He agreed to all this. After being with him for 3 years, I learnt that showing signs of insecurity is not an attractive trait. After learning that he cheated on me I prevented myself from expressing any concern of mine that relates to my insecurity to him. BUT I do regularly asks him whose texting him and there were occasional times where I would address him if he was still talking to the girls that he went out with.

 

Since April, he has not made any effort to make me happy. Sure we do routine things such as holding each other when watching tv, or kiss each other before bedtime and when he goes off to work, and he tells me he loves me when he's leaving for work. Those are the only times I get any affection from him. I told him that I would appreciate him doing more - such that kissess and 'I love you's out of random and WITHOUT me having to ask for him to do it. Yeah, thats right, If I wanted any kiss or him saying I love you to me, I have to ask. Otherwise he wouldnt do it.

 

I also told him it would be nice if he could send me little notes or ecards or random emails once in awhile, as he used to do all those things to me when we first started going out in the first 2 years we live together. He has never done it since, and when I ask him time and time again, he still wouldnt do it. Until 2 weeks ago, when I said that it almost seemed as though he doesnt have an ounce in him to care to make me happy or make it up to me, to do the little things to make me happy, that morning he sent me an ecard or email with, Hello, Love You, Bye. I was so distraught that I didnt know what to say nor do. Is it my fault to think that he does it ONLY because I tell him to and he honestly couldnt give a damn? I confronted this to him and tells me off saying that the next time he wouldnt bother because I would keep thinking that he did it only because I told him to. But, Hello Love you Bye? That sounds really pathetic isn't it? I told him all I wanted was some effort in his part to actually show that he does care about what makes me happy. He wouldn't have any of it.

 

What bugged me the most is this: He has stopped given me any cards since our anniversary last year (That's when the cheating began). He didn't bother to give me any card on Christmas, Birthday, Valentine's and not even yesterday on our 4 years anniversary. When I told him off about this, he said it's a freaking piece of paper. And I retorted saying that it's possibly the most insensitive thing anyone can do. The content of the card that matters most. He told me that it's a pain to live with me these days as I kept 'whinging' and 'whining' everyday for the past few weeks about him to do the little things. And that I couldn't even appreciate that he took us out lastnight for a show - I was the one who suggested that we do something and pestered him to think about something instead of me planning everything all the time.

 

At lunchtime yesterday, after me whining enough to him, he got me a card, but didnt give it to me yet because he said he hasnt got the time to write the card for me.

 

Right now, I want an honest point of view in regards to my relationship. Am I being too obsessive about the little things he should do to make me happy? Should I just let go and accept that things will never change and whatever happened in the past will stay in the past? He used to do them to me and not anymore. If he wanted to make it up to me and make the relationship work, isn't this something that he should want to do to show me he cares? Oh by the way, he did PLENTY of things last year for the girl he was cheating on me with, like sending her bloody hat that I chose which he told me was for his sister, teddy bear, cards, long emails every days, make long distance phone calls regularly to China (Once it costed him $180 as he called her without calling card) till early in the morning, sending her videos of him, etc.

 

I feel utterly devastated. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 

See the bolded points. He's not "in" this relationship--if he was, he would be showing you love and affection, not withholding it.

 

The biggest thing is he CHEATED ON YOU for a year. That is reason enough to walk. You deserve better.

[inagreen]

Inagreen, my guess would be is that he KNOWS he has you. I mean, the guy cheated on you, and you are still around. So in his head, he can disrespect you and you won't leave. Why does he need to try, when you are doing all the work in the relationship? He can go off, **** other women, and still have you at home begging him for scraps of attention.

 

You've lived together for 4 years, are there plans for marriage at all? Is this the man you want to marry? Why are you with him because it's scary to be out there on your own?

 

I have been in your situation, 4 years with someone who probably cheated and treated me like crap. I did all the heavy lifting in the relationship and he was just along for the ride, as long as the ride didn't ask for anything. I lived with him as well. No bday, xmas presents. Vday I was taken out ONLY BECAUSE his friends had dates already, otherwise he told me he was going to go out with them. Seriously, I put up with it because I thought I loved him. HA!

 

I am FINALLY (thank GOD) out of that situation and seeing a very nice sexy guy, who is fun and treats me respectfully. Like night and day.

 

If I were in your situation, and I was, I would leave. Once he finds it OK to treat you disrespectfully, he will never treat you any other way.

 

Good luck sweetie--you deserve better than this.

 

To be perfectly honest I know he's taking me for granted. And you're right the reason for this is because Im still giving the relationship another fighting chance after what he'd done.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am not exactly the 'Angel' in this relationship for the four years that we've been together. Having said that, I never ever flirted, cheated, nor do such a thing to imply that I was/ am unfaithful. The only thing that I know I did wrong was being insecure for several months and giving him a hard time when I found out he was hiding/ lying to me 2 years ago. Looking back, it almost seemed as though my actions weren't wrong at all and justified to an extent. But I do realise that doing this, I was blinding him with my insecurities and it isn't a very attractive trait.

 

We had plans over 2 years ago that we would get married after I finished university (Ive recently just graduated). But as of now, I cannot see myself getting married to the person he's become today. There's almost no qualities in him that I like at all, and discovering that he's lied constantly and didn't even have the heart to come clean to me that I have to figure it all out by myself AND the cheating, puts me off completely. So why am I with him? I am fond of him, I have not been single for over 6 years, I have 2 cats that I love more than anything and most importantly I think deep down I feel that I still have faith that he could become that person who I was happy with.

 

Things HAVE gotten so much better since April, he does certain things such as if he sees that I am moody (Thinking about how he couldve cheated on me) he would cuddle up to me but would say, "Dont be silly". But I think I deserve more than just this - I deserve to be happy and deserve to have someone doing things to me because they TRULY care for my happiness. I want to feel as though he is making some effort to make me feel that he cares for me.

[inagreen]

I agree with some of the others. You've sent him the message that you're willing to put up with whatever he does to you, and that he has to do very little to maintain a relationship with you.

 

If you're constantly asking for little things, he's going to see it as nagging, and won't respond favorably.

 

I personally wouldn't have even seen this guy anymore after not only finding out about the cheating (was it an emotional affair or a physical one as well?) but his reaction to me finding out. However, if I did decide to give him another chance, I'd be playing it super cool and letting him EARN me back. And then I'd continue to maintain my own and make myself happy.

 

I think you're too focused on him making you happy, and he isn't the one who's responsible for that. You are. Just like he isn't responsible for your self esteem. You are.

 

He was cheating on me emotionally with this woman in China for over 6 months. I could tell that it would've gotten further had the lady been serious about him. He also met other women from Match.com and have coffee with them as he said. Which I think is true.

 

You're right, he told me yesterday that he feels as though I am nagging, that he would do it to me if I stopped and I said to him this is the lastime I am ever going to ask and see how it goes in a month. If things havent change, then I know he is incapable of making me happy and will forever take me for granted. I plan to leave if this does happen.

[inagreen]

I can't believe that anyone is even suggesting you stay with this guy. He sounds like a complete jerk. He does not and will not care for you the way you deserve. He's proven that in a hundred different ways. Please re-read your post carefully. Imagine your best friend is telling you this about her boyfriend. What would you say to her?

 

I know, Ive constantly try to put myself as the third person, and each time I agree with you. He's a complete jerk. It's easier said than done, and to be honest I dont know if I can find the strength in me to the what is RIGHT and what is BEST for me when the time comes.

 

I am the sort of person when I made up my mind, I will go through with it. So I'll see how it goes, and if it doesnt change then I'll leave. I know there's plenty of fish in the sea that deserve my love and attention more than this. I just hope that he'll see it before its too late.

[inagreen]

See the bolded points. He's not "in" this relationship--if he was, he would be showing you love and affection, not withholding it.

 

The biggest thing is he CHEATED ON YOU for a year. That is reason enough to walk. You deserve better.

 

As mentioned our relationship was at worst last year with all the fights and what not. And as he had the opportunity to be with someone else, he thought it was his ticket out of this relationship. To be honest, if he really wanted to get out he wouldve just left and not cheat.

 

Anyway, he did plenty of things to me when we first started going out. I almost feel as though that he is a 'faker' such that he does things just to impress me in the beginning so that I would be with him. He even told me that there were things at the beginning that he only did just to impress me and not really meant it - such as being passionate with me and romantic, etc. I cant help but feeling he is selfish for doing so, such that he expect me to fall in love then put up with him being somebody else.

 

One more thing, he does show me love and affection - when its routine. Like I said, only when he goes off to work or come back from work or when its bedtime, he would kiss me. He would hold me when watching tv. But that's the only affection I get. I suppose some people would be content with that.

 

My point is, is it too much for me to ask or expect more than this? Is it wrong for me to want more when he had provided more during the first two years of our relationship?

[silvergirl]

HE WON'T DO THE LITTLE THINGS?????? What about the BIG thing he DID do and cheat on you. Please have some respect for yourself and leave this guy. What are you getting out of this relationship?