april1325 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I left my husband about 2 weeks ago because he was never at home. Ever waking moment he had to be with his friends. He also has a substance abuse problem, which I dont like and we cant afford. He is also a liar. I have been very persistent about wanting to work the marriage out, but it seems one sided. I thought me and the kids leaving would be the wake up to reality he needed, but it wasnt. The first weekend apart I knew he would call saturday, because he was afraid I would go out to the bar with a friend. He thought he might get replaced. He has been to my house a couple of times since then and he trys to act as if there is nothing wrong. He will try to be all over me and then ask when are you coming home? I tell him when you quit the drugs ,the lying, and be at home more. He will say if you come home I will quit then. i dont lead him on. i dont kiss or touch him. He gets mad when I tell him what i have to say, and for him not to touch me. I really want to go home, and be with him. I dont know whether he is cheating or not. I thought I caught him, but now I am second guessing myself. He has cheated one time before, and i try to trust him. I know all of our problems are not one sided, but he is causing the majority of the problems with his drug abuse and lying. I think my biggest problem is my temper. When he makes me mad I see red. I have hit him on occasion, and cuss him out. I think the cussing is the biggest problem. I know the reason I call him these vulgar names is because I want him to feel just as bad as I feel. I could control this, but I choose not to. I feel I am not going to change this aspect of me if he is refusing . I am tired of always giving in. I have told him i would change if he would, but he doesnt keep his word. so i dont either. I am considering anger management. I know it is not healthy to be so angry and for such along time. After a little history what do you think i should do? Should I go back one more time or just call it quits?
nowhereman82 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Honestly surprised no one has responded to this. A couple of weeks will not resolve any of the issues. You need to consider that chronic liars are just that...chronic liars. And substance abuse takes a lot of time to quit. He needs more of a reason than you threatening to leave. He might quit for a couple of weeks but he will get comfortable again. Also consider you are risking custody of your kids if he is doing drugs and you knew. No man should make you want to cuss and hit them. The obvious answer is to move on for your sake and your kids. It's not going to be easy....but nothing worthwhile ever is. You can stay seperate even for half a year, a year....and see if he trully changes. When you leave he will at first be angry, sad, try to compromise. Might even say all the right things....but he needs a time out. And you need time by yourself. Hope you have the strength to do it....
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