Hestia123 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Ok, so I turned 23 recently. People are often impressed with how much I've done at my age, a degree with honors, a one-year study abroad programme, two internships, and I've lost count of the number of jobs I've had while studying for my degree. I owe it a lot to my family, they taught me hard work and merit, and always supported me in everything I wanted to do. I'm grateful for my life and am happy as I am. But the thing is, I would like to share. With someone I respect. I don't have a partner and I have never been in a relationship. Apparently I don't make any 'serious efforts' (I am quoting someone else) to get into one. The thing is, I don't know what "serious efforts" means (if you know, I'm more than happy to listen). Aren't attractions between people supposed to be natural? Do we have to "force" things for them happen? I have met so many people at university, during my travels, or at work... especially during my year abroad when I had complete freedom in terms of how much/late I wanted to go out etc....yet nothing ever happened. People think I'm attractive, and some don't believe me when I say I've never been with someone. A friend took me out one night to meet a male friend of hers. He insisted on paying for the cocktails and called me like, 20 minutes after I'd left the restaurant, to say that he really wanted to see me and that he wanted to meet again the next day. I wasn't attracted to him. What was I going to do? The truth is, that, deep down, I think that if I am attracted to someone enough, I will be able to go against my inner resistance. And that person's not here, and I am afraid the lack of experience will make me bitter in a future -if ever- relationship. I'm also afraid that, subconsciously, waiting for the 'right' person only raises my standards to superhuman levels.... Someone once told me, 'the more you wait, the less likely it is to happen.' I don't know if it's true, but it's quite painful to hear. I like to think of myself as a humane, empathic person, but I wonder if I don't send the wrong signals to the opposite sex.
Angel1111 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 It's hard to say what exactly is happening but I totally disagree that the longer you wait, the less likely it is to happen. One thing I've noticed about intelligent and driven people is that they are unique and you need a guy who is also unique. People like this don't come along every day. But they do come along. Don't make the mistake of lowering your standards just to get dates. You're probably not one of those people who dates just for the heck of it. I never have, either, but at the same time I could've been more choosey about the guys I ended up with. If you end up with a guy who's intimidated by your intelligence or spirit or whatever, it'll be a nightmare. Just remember that people can give you advice all day long, even people who think they know you - but at the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone. Don't do things that go against your nature or instinct. As far as the comment about making serious efforts, I'm not quite sure what the person was referring to. If they meant that you need to work on your appearance in terms of being more attractive, then I would recommend doing that. But if they meant that you need to be the agressive one and be the one to approach guys, then I would veto that immediately. If a guy likes you, he'll let you know. I know a lot of people think this is the thing to do, but I'm totally opposed to it. Just my opinion. It's your call, though. It depends on how you personally feel about that. You are very young and there is still so much time for you to meet and date the kind of guys you want to date.
Author Hestia123 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Thanks for taking the time to read and answer my post, Angel1111, I really appreciate it. I don't think the problem lies so much in my appearance (I take care of it and I fall into the conventional standards of what is considered attractive: tall, slim, long hair, feminine etc...) than in the fact that 1) I'm not really outgoing (but then again, most people I know who have dates don't need to be, and they still attract potential partners like magnets) and 2) I have trust issues. I do the occasional effort to go out but always end up feeling uncomfortable when I'm around the opposite sex. I think I just generally don't accept the rules of dating. Especially the fact that it depends so much on physical appearance and other social criteria that I consider discriminating. The rare times I have met men who were willing to look beyond that, they were already taken... I don't know if that makes sense. I can clarify if needed.
Recommended Posts