my story-- --if you can get through it!

[suzie q]

hey guys!

 

this is not the only forum i have joined since my breakup, haha, but advice is always welcome and NEEDED .

 

my ex and i were together for 9 months, friends for quite a bit longer. i moved into his house he just bought and we had a really great relationship, rarely fought, blah, blah blah.

 

in the middle of june, he told me he needed some space. i moved some things into my dad's house--about a week later, he started acting as though there was no break, we were together, i stayed the night with him, etc. a few days after that, i decided to ask him about the break--what was going on. he admitted to me that he wasn't sure if he was over his ex (who is married). she had just come back to the area after being in germany. i was confused because i knew he wasn't over what she did to him, but they broke up yeaaaaaars ago. i found out she came back, and concluded that she called him and i suppose that started confusing him. her husband is in iraq and will be back in september. they've been hanging out with mutual friends and that really broke my heart, even though she's married because she just isn't the most faithful person in the world.

 

after he told me he wasn't sure about what he was feeling, we broke up. he said it wasn't fair for me that he didn't know what he wanted.

 

it had been about a month since we talked about the break up. he told me that the reason we broke up was because he didn't feel the same--but i don't know waht to think because he told me originally he had feelings for her. i think he feels stupid because she's married. maybe he doesn't want to be with me and whatever he thought he felt for her took away from me--but i just don't know how all of the sudden you stop feeling for someone--conveniently when your ex is back in the area. he told me he hadn't felt that way about me for a long time or anything, which was obvious because his mood literally changed overnight.

 

anyways! he sent me a message on myspace (which he got 3 weeks after we broke up) asking me how i was doing. this was a week after our talk. he told me during that talk that he didn't want to be there for me or talk to me too much because he didn't want to give me false hope--then why send me a message on myspace? he also wished me a happy belated birthday. i was mad abuot the message so i sent him "thanks. what's up" and didn't responde to him asking me how i was doing. i got nothing back, which made me even more mad.

 

on sunday, i decided i overreacted and that he was probably trying to salvage a friendship, so i sent him a message about the redskins. he sent me back "superbowl" and then i said "we need to be comfortable being aruond each other or football season wont be the same" he said "k" i told him i was kidding and he sent "k" again. what the heck? that was annoying, he was blowing me off when i was just trying to be a friend back to him after the message he sent me.

 

i've been meeting/talking to new people, so i haven't wasted my life away relying on him coming back. i'm sure he knows about me being open to other guys because his sister sort of tells everything. she is my best friend and she asks me all the time and i don't doubt that he somehow finds out what i'm doing.

 

i guess i just don't know what to do. i was trying to move on and now i have that silly hopefulness. i really love him. i never quite understood us breaking up, but i've accepted that we just aren't together right now and that he needs to sort himself out.

 

i guess what i want to know is if you guys think i should even have that little hope.

[hcd03]

I hate to say it, but you really shouldn't have hope that you'll get back together with him. He obviously is confused and uncertain about his feelings. If you get back together with him while he's still uncertain, he's going to end up taking you along on that rollercoaster and it's only going to hurt you more.

 

He's said he doesn't want to speak with you for a while. I wouldn't encourage the conversation/texting. If he texts you asking how you're doing, you can reply that you're fine. But I wouldn't ask anything to continue the conversation. If he really wants to talk to you about your relationship, he'll ask to talk to you about it and maybe go more in depth. Right now, he's probably texting you to make sure you haven't forgotten about him. But remember, he broke up with you for a reason. If he wants you back, he'll go for you.

 

I hope it doesn't sound mean or anything, but believe me. I've been in the same boat. One of my exes broke up with me after an 18 month relationship and continued to contact me afterwards. I cut all contact when he started dating another women a few weeks after we broke up because I was still in love with him and couldn't watch him moon over another woman.

 

Your ex is mooning over his married ex, and you deserve someone a lot better. It's going to take time. Getting over someone doesn't happen in a day. But eventually, if he doesn't get his act together and realize you were the best thing to happen in his life, you will move on and you'll find someone who couldn't bear to spend the rest of their life without you.