kalena9488 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Well, I moved from Texas to Florida to try and make things work with my exh of 17 years. We've been divorced for 5. But, now that I'm here things all seem fine except the part of me loving him or being attracted to him. What I mean is we have a good time, we enjoy doing things as a family we have 3 kids (21, 18 & 12) all are living with us. What in he h_ll is wrong with me?
curiousnycgirl Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I'm willing to bet your lack of feelings/attraction has everything to do with however your marriage ended in the first place. Either he killed your feelings for him when he left you, or your feeligns died over time causing you to leave him. Whichever once dead, it's close to impossible to rekindle those feelings.
lindsay101 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I say this because of my own situation. Married for 15 years, husband in the Army, gone alot, me home and working with my daughter. After awhile things fizzled out, we were strangers in our own house. We got a seperation about a year ago, he moved out and we pretty much had little contact except for our daughter. During the seperation I dated and im sure he did too, but I found myself thinking about him, not who he was seeing or what he was doing with this person, thinking about the little things, how its going at work, etc. He is retiring soon and I wanted to be in the loop, bottom line I missed him and our life we had. Fast forward to the present, we got back together after many emails, text messages and phone calls and some alone time. It was hard at first but I will tell you what worked for me/us. 1. Spend time together as a couple, the kids and family life are fine according to your post. 2. Make long term plans that involve both of you, for us it was where we were going after he retires, jobs, etc. it kept things exciting. 3. Even if you dont feel like it or want to the sex has to be there, I really didnt want to at first, but the more we were intimate the more I wanted to and the more comfortable we beacme with one another. You say you are not attracted to him, but you have obvioulsy had sex many times given 17 years married, and now you are back. 4. Plan nights out or even short trips, your kids are old enough to understand and you will be amazed at how you can reconnect with lifes daily BS put aside for a short time. Most importantly remember what brought you back to him, not the family or kids, but him. If he loves you and wants it to work then it will, if you want it too. Think positive and dont focus on the negative or the little things that bother you, it will eat you up, it did for me. I dont mean be fake. I honestly believe that your feelings for him are not as exciting as you want them to be because you already know him very well, there is no initial exciting "get to know you time". Once the initial passion and excitement goes away, and it always does in any long term relationship, what you are left with is a life partner, friend, sex buddy, and im sure you love him or you would not be posting here looking for advice. Went a little long here but keep me posted, I am really interested in how things go.
Recommended Posts