HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Just thought this was an appropriate topic for anyone trying to move on. Gone. Done. Finito. Over. No effort from the ex means it's over.
JooLee Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 if only the mind would accept that and stop playing torturous fantasies of him coming back.
babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I agree, we all go into denial at first but in reality 99% of the time, they won't be back. Hurts like hell at first but best to accept it instead of holding onto false hope.
Sassi75 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Having our minds grasp the thought of the one that we love with all our hearts make the CHOICE to leave us, and to never come back is virtually an impossible pill to swallow. It does not seem like it should be remotely possible.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 i hate him. really i do. he's not at all who he said he was, who i saw him as, who he lead me to believe he was. good quote: "Once a man shows you who he is, believe him."
Sassi75 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 For anyone who'd want to check it out... A song that I found and listen to daily now,..."Walk Away" by Ben Harper. It helps me some. Makes me sad at first, but in the end it makes me feel just a tad better.
Lucky555 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 i hate him. really i do. he's not at all who he said he was, who i saw him as, who he lead me to believe he was. good quote: "Once a man shows you who he is, believe him." Thats what happened to me. When he pursued me I thought he was the one. It seems now that it was an act. He lied a lot as i see it. He lied about who was. I am sorry to admit this but this guy was so not attractive and he still isn't and i saw him as being this guy he said he was. THE whole time it was like he just wanted attention and not be alone. He just kept saying things he knew i liked to hear just to keep me around. NOT anymore I am a fast learner and i will not be hurt like that again. I guess i wanted him to be that guy and the maybe he would revert to the guy i met NOPE because he wasn't that guy. I'm happier without him!
CaliGuy Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 good quote: "Once someone shows you who they are, believe them." Fixed as it applies to both male and female.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 There's too much duplicity in this world, we fall for what we want to see, and ignore what is actually there. Personally if we weren't so ruled by emotions then we can actually find long term happiness.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 hahaha sorry caliguy....i stand corrected. i need a man's POV- i heard he was out on what seemed like a double date last week. and a friend saw him at a bar hes never gone to this past weekend. would it be completely stupid to text him and see how he was and gauge how he responds?
CaliGuy Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 hahaha sorry caliguy....i stand corrected. i need a man's POV- i heard he was out on what seemed like a double date last week. and a friend saw him at a bar hes never gone to this past weekend. would it be completely stupid to text him and see how he was and gauge how he responds? Short answer: Yes. You don't want him to know you are checking up on him or asking friends or family members his whereabouts. Best to keep him guessing.
babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Hun you've came sooo far, don't text, honestly after you've done it you will feel ten times worse!!!!
Sassi75 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Take it from someone who's made the MISTAKE of texting & calling--you WILL feel 100 times worse. Believe me. It's not worth it. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you even care about what he's doing.
Katherineos123 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 DO NOT text him! Whatever you do. Dont give him the satisfaction. That being said, I dont feel as though this man has "forgotten" about you, no matter how many double, triple, whatever dates he goes on. I guarentee you you cross his mind regularly. Call me naive, call me a romantic, but I feel like love never really goes away, it just kind of goes through a metamorphisis or something. But it doesnt just disappear. Take comfort in that. You have undoubtedly made an impact in his life, he will never forget about you... How long has it been since the two of you broke up? Last spoke? What do you mean by "no effort from the ex" Are you sure hes not just giving it time for wounds to heal?
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Well we broke up on June 8th, Katherine. I didnt see it coming- or in retrospect, ignored the signs. He said we shouldnt have to try so hard to make it work (I was doing all the trying) and that maybe we were too different (im a go-getter, hes a procrastinator). That he thought by 26 he'd be ready for the next step (he went to a jeweler) but he's content with his life right now (drinking with his buddies, and doing nothing else). I tried so hard to say we could compromise but, i was so tired of compromising what i wanted and feeling like i was getting the short end of the stick. I thought our issues were fixable- but he needs to WANT to fix them. He said a relationship should "flow"....to an extent i agree, but how can something flow between 2 people when one of them isnt putting effort in? The last time we spoke was a few weeks after that. I wanted to say something to him, like i understood- but i couldnt do it. After that i tried to see where he stood by texting him and he said he thought this was the right decision- then asked me to bring him his things. i refused to answer that text and just dropped his stuff off one day with a note saying i needed my time to get over this, and maybe we both needed time to sort through the rubble. That was July 12. I haven't called or text or anything since. and he hasnt done a thing toward me- no effort. Some friends saw him at a random bar one night. Another saw him on that "date". Personally i dont beleive he'd jump into anything serious so quick. But who knows. Maybe i was wrong about him totally. He wanted to marry me- he told his family, our friends, his friends. He went to set a ring and then said he panicked and canceled it. He has no idea why. I told him he freaked out at the thought. Any input would be appreciated.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Do feelings like that go away??? just disappear??? We went on a cruise in May a month before we broke up- even then he asked his friend about his wife's ring and told me he had talked to him about settings----WTF??? now hes at bars and dating? I'm lost. totally lost.
Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I wish I could answer that. Less the 1 month prior to the end of my 3.5 year relationship we went on an amazing day trip to Jamaica. John even said to me as we were at the resort one day, "Baby, we are going to get married at a place like this". And then we were asked a million times if we were on our honeymoon, and Johns reaction was, "She's not my wife yet, but if I'm lucky she will be soon". Now look where we are,....not even speaking & broken up. How does that happen? Do the feelings just go away,....well...I can't answer that but something obviously happens to all of the feelings. I hate to think all of our conversations about marriage, kids, etc were all just lies, cause those conversations meant the world to me. I would like to believe maybe he just got scared, and does not know how to handle it all. But then I'm making excuses for his behavior. The bottom line is, if he wanted us to have a future together then nothing would stop him from making that happen. Reality is--he left me because he wanted to. He made the choice to leave.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 uuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im so freaking maaaaddddd. seriously. yesterday was a depression. today- SO ANGRY. I JUST DONT GET IT.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 I'm pretty sure my grandmother is an angel up there watching over me. and i'm hoping she saw the writing on the wall for me and let this happen so i could get myself out of a crappy situation. Maybe because i deserve better. Maybe we all do. We all deserve a person who will love us how we should be- Sassi, Babes, Billie. I truly beleive everything happens for a reason.
Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 I with you Hope. I've been feeling the same way. It seems each day I go through so many different emotions. It's comforting to know though, it's normal that we are feeling this way. We've been betrayed by someone we love dearly. We are going to be confused, hurt, angry,..just to name a few emotions. I've finally come to realize that I need to focus on ME and getting ME better. I have to stop focusing on him 24/7. He's someone who no longer even wants to speak to me after all. As unreal as it all seems to me, unfortunately it is my reality now. And I have to face that, and accept it.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 this sucks. reality sucks. love sucks. boys suck. not knowing what happens next sucks. screw him. im better than this. i am. im better than his sh*tty friends and his drinking and not seeing a great thing when its lying in his bed. i deserve someone who doesnt just STOP worshiping me and being and treating me like a princess. he sucks. and i hate him. i never thought id say it, but i hate him.
Sassi75 Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 You 100% correct that you deserve better than this. We both do. I've found myself making excuses for him, and trying to figure out all these ways to work on the relationship and make it better. Then I realize, I am the ONLY one who's willing to take the time and effort here. He's only willing to put effort into his golf game, to go bar hopping and drink like a frat-boy. Well, if the frat-boy boy life is what he's wanting, to live right now, then he's got it. It makes me see that we are not on the same page with what we currently want in life,...and again, I have to accept that. It all sucks, every piece and part.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Yup- same exact situation. Sad thing is- I WAS A SORORITY GIRL!!! HAHAHAHA. but i got that outta my system. i grew up. i want more in my life. there IS more to life than golf, bars and being with your lazy, unmotivated friends. why the hell don't they see that???
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