PORN..what's really the deal?

[angie2443]

Sean Connery... OMG... no thank you..

 

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who isn't attracted to Sean Connery!

[angie2443]

I don't think that is true but I do know I'll be retaining a lawyer ASAP in the morning, thank god I've got a couple credit cards in my name only. I am frustrated and angry at my situation but I have not acted in an out of control manner, I have not been abusive physically, our discussions and disagreements have not even involved any yelling or loudness, nor have I threatened to harm myself or others,I am not dimished in mental capacity in any way shape or form and this is a road we won't be going down.

 

Did you see the lawyer yet? I hope you did, because your marriage is tearing you up bit by bit and it's sad to read your post.

 

You have a lot of years ahead of you. You can choose to live them, or die day by day. I hope you choose life.

[angie2443]

I guess thats what I have to look forward to..as your daughter ..and her daughter and all the other women. Having a life with a man, building a life with a man, having his children so that 20 years down the line he can use the girls his daughter's age to masturbate to. Yeah that's progression alright.

 

Not every man masturbates to girls in his daughter's peer group. A good number of men have bounderies when it comes to things like this. The trick is knowing which men to pick when considering a potential mate.

[Mr. Lucky]

So what exactly is up to me in this deal? He gets to dictate everything and I just get to sit there and be hopefull of some imagery "payment" of his affection. Seriously? You can't honestly believe that.

You've got a boulder-sized chip on your shoulder, Jersey . Let's put the shoe on the other foot. Do you really think that your husband or SO is going to agree with every aspect of your sexuality and the manner in which you choose to express it? And not just in the beginning when the juices are flowing, but long term as both you and the relationship changes and matures? That every thought, fantasy and action on your part will meet with his approval and standards? What if his attitude was the same as yours? You seem to want to spend your time drawing lines in the sand when successful relationships are based on acceptance and compromise.

 

I can already hear you say "does that mean he gets to decide everything and I just sit back and take it ?". No, it means that you accept each other as unique individuals with differing styles, personalities and minds. That's part of the fun ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Jersey Shortie]

Not every man masturbates to girls in his daughter's peer group. A good number of men have bounderies when it comes to things like this. The trick is knowing which men to pick when considering a potential mate.

 

Good to hear because it's pretty devasting to hear that men masturbate to girls in their own daughter's peer group. It makes you ask when men actually consider enough, enough already.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You've got a boulder-sized chip on your shoulder, Jersey .

 

Yes, I know I do. I don't like it but it's there and unfortunetly, my experience with men has put it there.

 

Do you really think that your husband or SO is going to agree with every aspect of your sexuality and the manner in which you choose to express it?

 

No, I dont. But I try to respectful of that. I don't post naked pictures of himself online for other men, I don't strip at a club..i don't share my sexuality with other men. Why do men feel the need to share theirs with other women?

 

Men have been more successful at controling woman's sexuality then the reverse. And men, are still in this day and age, have more freedoms when it comes to expressing their sexuality then women do. Men seem to be okay with women being sexual as long as it is defined in what terms men get enjoyment from. Men are no different in that relation.

 

You seem to want to spend your time drawing lines in the sand when successful relationships are based on acceptance and compromise.

 

Couldn't the same be said for men out there that defend the porn? Over real women? That's about drawing lines ni the sand as well. Do you feel that only men are the ones that are making compromises and acceptance? I can tell you that isn't the case.

 

I can already hear you say "does that mean he gets to decide everything and I just sit back and take it ?". No, it means that you accept each other as unique individuals with differing styles, personalities and minds. That's part of the fun ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It seems to me that it's the guys that get the most fun and get to screw over the woman they claim to love in the process. He gets her and a bunch of woman to fantasize about and what does she get? A man who she can sit and watch get turned on by anything that walks by.

 

And I am all for accepting unique individuals. that's what makes our partners interesting..but is porn so much a part of who a man is that you need to accpet it to accept him as a man?

[Rorocher]

Many times, until you actually live a long-term relationship, you don't really know how the kinks will work out. Just like any experience in life I suppose. Many rules and regulations, you get to change, tweak and make-up as you go along.

[The Collector]

One of the telling things about you JS is that constantly equate any kind of understanding, tolerance or compromise as 'having to smile sweetly/wear a big ****-eating grin on your face/swallowing your pride' etc.

 

In my experience, people who see things in this way are using perceived victimhood or a power imbalance to excuse any and all power abuses and unreasonable demanding on their part. A case of having your cake and eating it, if you like.

[Jersey Shortie]

 

One of the telling things about you JS is that constantly equate any kind of understanding, tolerance or compromise as 'having to smile sweetly/wear a big ****-eating grin on your face/swallowing your pride' etc.

 

 

How is it a compromise if a man gets to have both porn and a real life relationship? What is he compromising in that situation Collector? I would really appreciate an honest answer.

 

To a degree, I do think that having porn within a relationship is akin to a man asking you to just swallow your pride and "shut up". I don't want my man to be miserable. I want him to be happy and fullfilled. I want a close intimate relationship with him. But how am I suppose to do that if he is bringing things from the outside into our relationship that makes me feel less connected to him? Do men really need porn to feel fullfilled?

 

I get that porn draws certain exciting feelings for men. But it can also draw negative feelings for some women. And to an extent, I do feel like men just want women to shallow their pride and wear crap eating smiles in regards to this issue. Because I don't see the compromise in a situation where a man still has a mongomous relationship with a woman and uses porn at the same time.

 

In my experience, people who see things in this way are using perceived victimhood or a power imbalance to excuse any and all power abuses and unreasonable demanding on their part. A case of having your cake and eating it, if you like.

 

Sweetie, if I felt like I had my cake and was eating it, I wouldn't be sitting here arguing about porn giving myself carpel tunnel. I'm jsut hurt is all. Hurt from my experience with men. Hurt by the fact that what men defend is their porn and other women. Not the woman that you would hope would matter most to him. I am not trying to play a victim. But I do feel that women loose out on their relationships with men evne though they want a really good one with a good man. I guess I don't feel that men give the same in a relationship.

[The Collector]

Well JS, like I and other people have said, if porn is a non-negotiable no-no for you, you have to find a man who isn't into it. Like if you were a committed christian or vegetarian you might decide that is an essential for your partner also. It would not be fair to rail against all non-Christians or meat-eaters for not fitting your bill however.

 

Now, if you weren't keen on porn, but like a lot of women were prepared to look the other way, that's a compromise. It doesn't mean you have to wear a crap-eating grin and feel like a victim, because compromise is part of any relationship. But as to what the woman gets out of the deal, presumably the man is compromising on some of his preferences or ideals also. Maybe the fact she has a vibrator bothers him, but he doesn't say anything. Maybe she has mood-swings, maybe for a week every month, maybe she smokes or gambles or all manner of other things you probably don't agree are the same as sexual loyalty in every thought and deed. Whatever, it is up to each party to decide if there is mutual satisfaction from the relationship, with compromises and acceptance part of the deal.

 

To keep it in the realm of sexuality, most men do not expect their SO to only think of them in times of self-pleasure, they know they read romance novels, watch Sex In The City for the Sex Bits or have any number of mini crushes on celebrities or sexy men they know and might have a little flirt with. This is anathema to you, but part of a normal, happy life to many other people. They don't feel betrayed and bitter if their partner admits to finding a movie star sexy. They don't expect all women over 50 to only fantasize about Sean Connery. They accept their partner's different needs, including sexual, including hormonal, and try to make it work. Usually, but not always depending on the couple, the line that must not be crossed is physical intimacy with another. For some, emotional intimacy with a member of the opposite sex is too far, for some swinging is the best thing ever.

 

The reason I find myself debating with you is not because of any fierce loyalty to porn (though I enjoy it sometimes), it's the challenge of getting you to question your dogmatic opinions, to oppose your constant man-bashing, and also to help you find some peace and happiness in this imperfect world. You have specific needs in a partner. You can even call it having high standards if you like, but everyone here, male or female, will agree that finding the right person for you is never easy and often seemingly impossible.

 

But if you think all men are disappointing because they like porn, can't you also enter into the equation that many of those same men are loving their kids, risking their lives to save other people, being heroes, working with disabled kids, trying to find the cure for cancer, genuinely trying to make the world a better place. And many try very hard to keep their partners happy. Some don't of course, like some women are selfish. But the reason you don't have an army of women here backing your campaign is because most have come to terms with men's faults and what's good about them and have decided to make the most of this situation we've all been born into without getting bitter and hateful. And porn, to them, is not worth fighting over. Or it genuinely doesn't bother them. Or they like it too.

[Rorocher]

Well JS, like I and other people have said, if porn is a non-negotiable no-no for you, you have to find a man who isn't into it. Like if you were a committed christian or vegetarian you might decide that is an essential for your partner also. It would not be fair to rail against all non-Christians or meat-eaters for not fitting your bill however.

 

Now, if you weren't keen on porn, but like a lot of women were prepared to look the other way, that's a compromise. It doesn't mean you have to wear a crap-eating grin and feel like a victim, because compromise is part of any relationship. But as to what the woman gets out of the deal, presumably the man is compromising on some of his preferences or ideals also. Maybe the fact she has a vibrator bothers him, but he doesn't say anything. Maybe she has mood-swings, maybe for a week every month, maybe she smokes or gambles or all manner of other things you probably don't agree are the same as sexual loyalty in every thought and deed. Whatever, it is up to each party to decide if there is mutual satisfaction from the relationship, with compromises and acceptance part of the deal.

 

To keep it in the realm of sexuality, most men do not expect their SO to only think of them in times of self-pleasure, they know they read romance novels, watch Sex In The City for the Sex Bits or have any number of mini crushes on celebrities or sexy men they know and might have a little flirt with. This is anathema to you, but part of a normal, happy life to many other people. They don't feel betrayed and bitter if their partner admits to finding a movie star sexy. They don't expect all women over 50 to only fantasize about Sean Connery. They accept their partner's different needs, including sexual, including hormonal, and try to make it work. Usually, but not always depending on the couple, the line that must not be crossed is physical intimacy with another. For some, emotional intimacy with a member of the opposite sex is too far, for some swinging is the best thing ever.

 

The reason I find myself debating with you is not because of any fierce loyalty to porn (though I enjoy it sometimes), it's the challenge of getting you to question your dogmatic opinions, to oppose your constant man-bashing, and also to help you find some peace and happiness in this imperfect world. You have specific needs in a partner. You can even call it having high standards if you like, but everyone here, male or female, will agree that finding the right person for you is never easy and often seemingly impossible.

 

But if you think all men are disappointing because they like porn, can't you also enter into the equation that many of those same men are loving their kids, risking their lives to save other people, being heroes, working with disabled kids, trying to find the cure for cancer, genuinely trying to make the world a better place. And many try very hard to keep their partners happy. Some don't of course, like some women are selfish. But the reason you don't have an army of women here backing your campaign is because most have come to terms with men's faults and what's good about them and have decided to make the most of this situation we've all been born into without getting bitter and hateful. And porn, to them, is not worth fighting over. Or it genuinely doesn't bother them. Or they like it too.

 

Wow! you couldn't have said it any better, and in a nutshell too:).

[grogster]

I agree. Beautifully expressed, Collector. Your wise words are most likely wasted on JS, but not on others.

[Jersey Shortie]

Now, if you weren't keen on porn, but like a lot of women were prepared to look the other way, that's a compromise.

 

Yeah, I get what the compromise is for the woman in that situation. It doesn't even seem like men overly appreciate women or the compromise they do infact make everyday because they love them.

 

What I don't get is how that's a compromise on his end. As he gets the best of both worlds and he gets all his needs met and she is denied hers. Her needs don't matter much to him I guess.

 

 

 

They don't expect all women over 50 to only fantasize about Sean Connery.

 

I give me a break. That was one reference. It wasn't a decree to the only man women over 50 masturbate to. The truth is, most women don't seek "barely legal" porn of boys to nearly the same extent that men do the same to girls. Most women don't seek out men with fake body parts to the same extent men do. The things men seem to value and love aren't even real things women can live up to. She is left short-changed and out in the cold and he doesn't care.

 

 

The reason I find myself debating with you is not because of any fierce loyalty to porn (though I enjoy it sometimes), it's the challenge of getting you to question your dogmatic opinions, to oppose your constant man-bashing, and also to help you find some peace and happiness in this imperfect world.

 

I am not the only one here with dogmatic opinions. Many men have their own dogmatic opinions in regards to porn. You included. And there are many aspects of porn that bash women and treat them like less then human beings. But I guess women are expected to see the goodness in that too. Because men only have the highest respect and love for women right?

 

Maybe most men just don't value or respect the same things I do, Collector. Maybe most men aren't looking for anything more fullfilling then their hand and some baby oil and someone that they can use when they get the urge while not really having to put any effort into it. I'm not so sure anymore that men are really looking for deep connections where they can build foundation, trust, love, respect and all that good stuff that actually takes real work.

 

 

But if you think all men are disappointing because they like porn, can't you also enter into the equation that many of those same men are loving their kids, risking their lives to save other people, being heroes, working with disabled kids, trying to find the cure for cancer, genuinely trying to make the world a better place

 

And at the end of the day, they go home, turn on the computer and watch videos of 18 year olds girls bouncing around. It makes me think that all that other stuff is a big joke. Because the most important thing to them is just that. I hate when I am in public and a man is there with his beautiful family but checking me out. It just makes all that other stuff seem like a joke with how easily men are swayed in this regard.

 

But the reason you don't have an army of women here backing your campaign is because most have come to terms with men's faults and what's good about them and have decided to make the most of this situation we've all been born into without getting bitter and hateful. And porn, to them, is not worth fighting over. Or it genuinely doesn't bother them. Or they like it too

 

I don't need armies of women here to back me up to prove that this isn't something that does deeply hurt alot of women. Visit other websites, talk to other women. Why do men want to put women through this anyway? do they even care how it can make women feel or is their orgams more important? While I acknowledge that some women aren't bothered by it, I also acknowledge that some women are. If porn isn't worth fighting for then how come so many men fight in order to keep it?!

[Lovelybird]

To a degree, I do think that having porn within a relationship is akin to a man asking you to just swallow your pride and "shut up". I don't want my man to be miserable..

Yes, now they ask you to shut up and swallow your pride to tolerate porn. In fact, if you allow the man continue to watch porn, he will be miserable, his soul suffers

 

I want him to be happy and fullfilled. I want a close intimate relationship with him. But how am I suppose to do that if he is bringing things from the outside into our relationship that makes me feel less connected to him? Do men really need porn to feel fullfilled?

If a wife let her husband watching porn, on the surface she compromised for his happiness, in fact, she just pushed him and their relationship a bit more to misery, his watching porn isnt her responsibility, but not to fight for it is to give up her responsibility. There is an universal law, if you do against them, you are going to suffer, some posters here proved that, and still defend the wrong side. When they were young, they think porn isn't big deal, or fear to offend the man they didn't say anything, and just be 'open minded', they compromised, but they are the ones left in bitterness.

 

And I am all for accepting unique individuals. that's what makes our partners interesting..but is porn so much a part of who a man is that you need to accpet it to accept him as a man?

so true, man ≠ watching porn

 

Posted by The Collector-- One of the telling things about you JS is that constantly equate any kind of understanding, tolerance or compromise as 'having to smile sweetly/wear a big ****-eating grin on your face/swallowing your pride' etc.

 

In my experience, people who see things in this way are using perceived victimhood or a power imbalance to excuse any and all power abuses and unreasonable demanding on their part. A case of having your cake and eating it, if you like.

when a couple only see their own small world, only seek happiness in their own small world, make many compromises that hurt out world or bigger world or universal laws, their happiness cannot last long.

 

some compromise just cannot be made. If your wife wants to have a OM, do you compromise? If your husband wants to have a teenager lover, do you compromise? If your husband even lay eyes on own daughter (due to his addiction to porn), do you compromise (I know some women did, that is really sad)?

 

If the compromise hurt the universal moral laws, it cannot be made. If you made it, seems you keep peace and keep the man, in fact, you are losing the man and the relationship a bit by bit

 

The reason I find myself debating with you is not because of any fierce loyalty to porn (though I enjoy it sometimes), it's the challenge of getting you to question your dogmatic opinions, to oppose your constant man-bashing, and also to help you find some peace and happiness in this imperfect world. You have specific needs in a partner. You can even call it having high standards if you like, but everyone here, male or female, will agree that finding the right person for you is never easy and often seemingly impossible.

NOT true. Don't accept the act (watching porn) doesn't mean she doesn't accept doesn't love the man. Everybody makes mistakes, she can fight the wrong act and help him realize the harm and change the act, and still love her man. In fact, real love aren't afraid of confrontation, real love corrects. Selfish love fears and timid

[soserious1]

I cannot go into a lot of detail, just know that I've got the lawyer paid and paper work is drawn up, he will be served tomorrow and we're going for an emergency hearing to get the transfered assets frozen till the judge can decide upon equitable distribution.

 

Upon advice of my lawyer I just backup every computer in this house, the contents were eye opening to say the least.

[Lovelybird]

I agree. Beautifully expressed, Collector. Your wise words are most likely wasted on JS, but not on others.

I think your debates are based on guilty conscience

[Lovelybird]

I cannot go into a lot of detail, just know that I've got the lawyer paid and paper work is drawn up, he will be served tomorrow and we're going for an emergency hearing to get the transfered assets frozen till the judge can decide upon equitable distribution.

 

Upon advice of my lawyer I just backup every computer in this house, the contents were eye opening to say the least.

I hope you will start your new life soon.

[soserious1]

I hope you will start your new life soon.

 

Actually I already have, his threat to have me hustled off for a mental status exam against my will really opened my eyes.

[The Collector]

Jersey Shortie, I am done with you now. You may rail at porn for the rest of your life, become more bitter with men and ignore anything that challenges your victim mentality. Good luck with that.

[Lovelybird]

Jersey Shortie, I am done with you now. You may rail at porn for the rest of your life, become more bitter with men and ignore anything that challenges your victim mentality. Good luck with that.

should you face own issue from time to time as well? not one side claim women are "close minded". I think you fear to face yourself

[The Collector]

should you face own issue from time to time as well? not one side claim women are "close minded". I think you fear to face yourself

 

I have no idea what you are talking about.

[Lovelybird]

I have no idea what you are talking about.

I meant your watching porn, instead of dealing with it within yourself, you blame women are 'close minded'

 

do you think porn can erase boredom? Porn increases boredom in fact

[The Collector]

Is English your first language? I never said women were close-minded.

 

Yes I think porn can erase boredom sometimes. It does not increase bordeom for me.

 

I'll cut to the chase - many of your posts suggest praying as a solution. I do not believe in religion nor that you can petition the Lord with prayer. So please don't waste your time going down that route.

[Lovelybird]

Is English your first language? I never said women were close-minded.

 

Yes I think porn can erase boredom sometimes. It does not increase bordeom for me.

 

I'll cut to the chase - many of your posts suggest praying as a solution. I do not believe in religion nor that you can petition the Lord with prayer. So please don't waste your time going down that route.

no, English isn't my first language

 

Yes, I do believe in prayers, because I saw miracles happened, things changed. And Lord provides living water that is in us and will spring out of us, full of life. when we have living water, we don't need porn to erase boredome or loneliness, we have something much better. Of course, as JS said sex becomes an act connects and shares love

[The Collector]

Ok I'll bear that in mind.

[demrea]

how come so many men fight in order to keep it?!

 

personal liberty ... thats why.