the_blur Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I am so bad at the whole dating thing. So I went out with friends last friday night and this girl happened to be there (friend of my friends), no attraction from me really (I am not attracted to brown-eyed girls, blue or green is my thing and it's really the only shallow physical requirement I have!). But I happen to be very touchy feely, friendly, and not shy, and cocky as hell to boot, so I think that this girl must have taken that as all the right signals. We had a bbq on sunday and it rained so everyone ended up at her place, including me a little later on. So things go well, I hang out with friends, I am getting the vibe now that she's REALLY into me ... and now I feel like I don't want to disappoint her, but at the same time, I am not physically attracted to her. That being said, I have been single for about a month and could use a good roll in the hay (speaking of which this girl is like a horse, all muscle, a roll in the hay with her would NOT be unpleasant). At the end of the "bbq" she invited me to watch a show that we both like at her place, alone later this week (It's tuesday! pretty sure she expects a call tomorrow...). What the hell do I do? (I could go and then try absolutely nothing on her...except maybe to watch as many shows as I can ... but I would feel bad, I think she expects at least a little action.) It's funny, I think because I didn't actually like this girl, I did everything right, so women really are attracted to guys who don't feel any attraction for them, this is hilarious. Guys, remember, if you like a girl, act like she's ugly, and treat her like anyone else, then maybe you'll be in the running.
KinAZ Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 What do you mean act like she's ugly? You just said that you were totally flirting with her! And don't feel bad, I'm the same way. The ones I've been really interested in (which is very rare) I seem to send off that "I'm not that into you" vibe. But when I'm not into a guy, oh I'm so perky and friendly and social and such. Hahaha... it's bad, I know. Women, we generally say that we're not looking for anything at the moment or that we don't have much time. Even if it's TRUE, and it usually is, it's a stretch of the truth simply because when we're into the guys... we'll find that time. I wouldn't go over there and get her hopes up. You wouldn't want to earn the reputation of a tease. :-p
Nantes Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Don’t go to her place and get her hopes up. If she likes you but you don’t like her, then no good will come of it. Turning her down now is a mild disappointment compared to the disappointment she will feel if you sleep with her and then leave. And you will feel like a cretin. If you need a roll in the hay, then go find someone you are truly attracted to. I wonder if what you describe is a common experience in the dating game, as it happens to me too: I seem most comfortable and confident (i.e. my “best self”) around people who I don’t care to impress, but I’m awkward around someone I’m attracted to.
BUTTAFLYH Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Do not lead this girl on just b/c you're horny. That's so selfish. Don't be an a.s.s.
Angel1111 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I agree with KinAZ - you were flirting with her. But, on the flip side of that, this is exactly why I never approach guys and why I don't ever initiate dates. She should've known better than to do that because it almost always backfires. When will women learn? If a guy really likes a girl, he'll ask her out. So, in a way, I think she asked for it, and in another way, so did you. It would be a very bad idea to go over there. And because she's the friend of a friend, your friends would probably be pissed off with you if you treated this girl like a one-night stand. Don't go there.
Crestfallen_KH Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Why is everyone assuming she wants a relationship out of this guy? I mean, the fact that your first "date" is an invite to her house may mean that she just wants to have a roll in the hay too... It's probably not LIKELY that is the case, but you can easily figure that out. Go tonight, and if she starts getting flirty with you or kissing you, you can say "Listen, I'm not interested in having a relationship or anything like that right now, so this won't turn into anything." You're then being honest with her, and she can then decide if the ONS is worth it. If you're not a ONS kind of guy, then cancel.
fishtaco Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 +1 with Crestfallen. Contrary to popular belief, women enjoy sex too, and sometimes, they just want some. The flirting - don't worry about it. That's how it's done. Women flirt with men all the time too, even when they have no intention of going any further. That's just part of the fun. If a guy can't take the flirting, he needs to get a clue. If a girl can't take the flirting, she needs to get a clue. So you're a flirt, good for you, carry on. You're one step ahead of some other guys already. I agree with Crestfallen, just go with the flow, but when the time comes, if you feel like being nice, lay it out in the open. But make sure you use tact. Women are very sensitive to the delivery. Use euphemisms whenever possible. Decorate with nice words. Talk in general terms. That's what they prefer. She might be up for a roll too, you never know. If not, just hang. If she's a cool gal you might have a good time with her fully clothed anyway. If she gets mad and claim you lead her on or something, then she'd be equivalent to men that get mad when women turn them down - i.e. not worth your time.
Crestfallen_KH Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I agree with Crestfallen, just go with the flow, but when the time comes, if you feel like being nice, lay it out in the open. But make sure you use tact. Women are very sensitive to the delivery. Use euphemisms whenever possible. Decorate with nice words. Talk in general terms. That's what they prefer. She might be up for a roll too, you never know. If not, just hang. If she's a cool gal you might have a good time with her fully clothed anyway. If she gets mad and claim you lead her on or something, then she'd be equivalent to men that get mad when women turn them down - i.e. not worth your time. Well, I wouldn't recommend that he be honest with her if "he feels like being nice." I'd recommend he be upfront and honest regardless. Before I get involved with a guy, I state, openly and honestly, where I'm at. I told the last guy I dated that I wasn't ready to get physical yet and he bolted. His choice, but I respected him enough to be honest with him and not let him feel like I was leading him on. I think the OP should do the same and not use euphemisms or flowery language that may confuse or otherwise mislead her. Just state, in a nice way, that he's only after a shag. Then, she's got all the information she needs to decide if she wants to continue.
fishtaco Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Crestfallen, yeah I know. I didn't mean to put words in your mouth, it wasn't my intention. But I do agree with your post. That particular part was me and me only -- I recommend him be honest if he feels like being nice. I've seen many not-nice things happen in the dating scene, coming from both men and women, sometimes at me. I've tried to do the right thing only to have it back-fire. I've seen other people try to be nice only to become the victim themselves. That's just how it is, that's the norm. It's NOT a nice place out there. Being nice is better than "usual", and should always be a pleasant surprise, not an expectation. So if he's not nice... meh, big deal. Neither are millions of men and women out there. If he's nice, good for him. But seems like you are less jaded then I am and prefer to always do the nice thing. Kudos to you. It's definitely a good thing, but I would consider that above what is common and usual.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 No, Op you're not shallow, it just makes you extremely picky. I've noticed that alot of guys have a certain body type but when they start stating the specifics how they want certain girls to be this or that, chances are they either praises themselves highly or they're like that because they have huge egos. Like I know alot of guys that are physically fit themselves and some really muscular, but when it comes to dating they start stating that that they would not in anyway date a muscular girl because they hate muscles? What the hell? Look, just stop stringing the girl along, you guys have mutual friends. She'll start talking behind your back about what an ass you are if you have a ONS.
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