Just crazy

[JustSo]

I'm broke up more then 2 months ago, but I'm still missing her a lot. I'm trying not to contact her, just to make her miss me.. and I was doing ok untill I heard a friend claim that he was now her best friend , they were calling eachother every day and such.. That tricked something inside my head.. and I know they just are close friends, but it makes me wanna punch him..

I lost all my strength to not-contact her anymore, and now I'm desperatly thinking about getting back close to her.. I know it's not healthy.. but I really want to have her back.. After she broke up with me, I was the one who kept distance from her (stop texting etc.) .. and by doing that I feel like I've pushed her away from me while I wanted to achieve the opposite effect..

It's not like she's ingnoring me, when I text her, I get a quick response, and on msn the same. I know that she wouldn't object in meeting me in person, but I just don't know if that's going to makes things better or worse for me. I don't know If I should take the risk or cut my losses.

How can I know there is still a chance of getting back together? What's the way to go..

[JooLee]

the thing is you'll never know if there's a chance.

first of all, take the reason of the break up into consideration.

right now the overwhelming feeling of loss and loneliness will mess up your mind but if you be firm you can get through this.

if you guys are talking n she's being friendly, dont initiate anything. she broke up with you, so if she wants you back let her come to you.

 

first be sure of what you want and be prepared to accept any possibilities; wether she would want to reconcile or just stay friends. dont go into this situation without a strong heart.

[JustSo]

Thx for your reply..

 

The problem is I don't think she will come to me if we don't have real contact. I think that because when we were together I went away for 3 months to otherside of the world and a week after I came back she told me, her feelings were changed and she wasn't feeling enough to continue the relationship. During the time I was away I noticed that at first she sounded really depressed about me gone and after more then a month it started to get better.. I've the feeling that she had missed me too much and to protect herself had suppressed her feelings for me. Maybe this is just wishfulthinking .. I just don't think any feelings can come back by sending some texts... Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself to make contact with her, .. just giving myself hope.. I know she is used to the fact of not having me arround, I don't know how to change that..

 

It's true that I shouldn't go in without a strong heart, but If I have to wait for that.. it aint never gonna happen.

[JustSo]

Any advice anyone?

[JooLee]

well, im a hopeless romantic so i believe that if you really want her to know how you feel, then do it. but think throughly if its what you want to do and if you can handle whatever possibilities from her side. and also be sure that you wont regret putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. you know her better than i do so you should know how she would react to certain situations and in a way im sure you already know her answer, so be prepared at all cost.

 

perharps you will feel better knowing at least you tried one last time. and if she means that much to you, i'd say go for it. and again i will repeat that before doing so, you should be ready to tell her. you have to pour your heart out at the moment where you feel it doesnt matter if she responds i just want to let it out.

 

and keep it short and simple. perharps just a simple line like, "i love you and i will always love you." its short but it gives away a lot.

 

good luck to you and do update on how it goes.

this is just my opinion - in the end it comes to what you want to do that will help you move on.

[JustSo]

I'm a hopless romantic too.. but you are right, I already know the answer.. And I know she will say the same as she did before: ' it will go away, and in time we can be friends'..

But I'm looking for ways, looking for the magical thing to do to make her fall in love with me again.. I can't believe that just because i went away her feelings changed.. If she just remembered who I am and what we had..

 

And now I'm blaming myself for the situation I'm in..

If I just kept closer contact with her while I was away..

If I just didn't say anything about my doubts and problems..

I'm even blaming her and my friends aswell for putting things in her mind, like that we weren't meant to be, that we weren't right eachother.. that we holding eachother back...

 

Even when I came back I did all the wrong things.. , why did I do the NC thing?? We already were apart.. why would I think that would bring us back together?!?

 

Now it feels like it's too late.. I've lost the game..

she just moved on and now it's time for me to do the same..

 

But I just don't want to ...

Maybe I could play the friendship-card and see how it goes..

I hope my heart is strong enough to except the outcome and to abandon all hope..

This serenity prayer is popping into my mind:

"

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. "

 

Plz if you have any idea what to do or any thoughts... don't hold back.. I'm getting a bit desperate..

[sultry33]

you need to tell her how you are feeling about her... but be prepared for the outcome good or bad.. expect the worst then you be ok..

 

Do you feel like you gave up too easily?

 

you can post here all the time but only she knows if she wants you..

 

nc is to help you heal get over someone but it does not work for everyone..

 

i hope you get the answers you need.. keep us posted and good luck:love:

[JustSo]

I really do think I gave it up too easily..

At the time of the breakup, she had to prepare for her exams and I didn't want that she failled them because of me, so I went sillent. I still was supportive for her exams but nothing more..

After her exams she started working and we spoke even less because she was very busy and always tired.

 

The point is.. If I tell her now how I feel.. she isn't going to see the light. She'll still think everbody else is right that we shouldn't be together.. even if she does have some feelings for me, just because nothing changed. She will even take it wrong and will point it back at me to say we can't be friends because of it.. because she might think I'll be paranoid and watching her every move..

 

I know she is the only one that know if she wants me..

but I do believe she doens't know what she want right now, so no point in asking...

 

Anyway I'm just going to make contact again.. and see how it goes..

I'll write her an e-mail or something to say I regret how the situation has become and I just don't wanna lose her

 

I'm getting the feeling whatever I'll do.. it will be wrong. and the only one that's gonna get hurt is me..

 

Still waiting for magical cure ..

[HopeDiesLast]

Justso- you sound alot like me. i feel like i know my ex well enough that hes not gonna think im overly clingy if i just send one text saying a simple fact- i miss you.

But its hard. Because you want your ex to realize her mistake. to realize she loves you and wants to be with you again. Anything you do or say wont suddenly convince her. it may make her think she made the right choice to end it because now you're chasing her- and no one wants someone who's chasing them. think about girls who have chased u but u had no interest in. did you suddenly change your mind because of their persistence? prolly not.

there is a thread i started called "if you want your ex back..." and about not contacting them to make them really feel what they've lost. i am SO SO SO tempted to call or text mine. But my only hope is to give him some space so he can really know life without me. you should read it.

[HopeDiesLast]

although it may not work. you cant make someone fall in love with you again. they should realize on their own that theyre still in love and it was all a mistake. it hurts to realize they may not. it hurts to think my ex hasnt text me in 4 weeks.

[JustSo]

I know she cared in the beginning when we broke up because she had send me messages on msn every day for the first month.. (don't know if it was out of pity or something else..)

But then she started working.. and we really lost touch.. which I must admit was a good thing for my professional life (no more distractions) but it left me feeling alone.

 

And then the fact of this other guy who became now that we broke up a much closer friend than me and they are even going on a weekend this weekend to some place.. Which is quite upsetting for me. They know eachother a lot longer than I do.. but still.. me no like..

 

No I really think keeping NC will just make things worse..

But I still didn't wrote the mail.. still waiting for some sign that It won't blowup in my face.. still hoping she'll figure it out on her own. If only her friends let her..

[HopeDiesLast]

her friends may be an influence, but if she REALLY wanted to be with you, it wouldnt matter what they thought. her friends may be reinforcing a doubt she had to begin with.

trust me ive felt that too.

[JustSo]

There are always doubts... It never is perfect.. But there really is a difference between a doubts and a real issue..

 

Anyways Thanks for you replys.. you give me things to think about but they really aren't making me feel any better.. but it does help to bring me back to reality..

 

I know what I want isn't going to happen.. but I'll just feel bad for losing her entirerly just because I was too weak to cope with the breakup..

And maybe, just a small maybe when we meet again.. the spark reappears..

 

Humans are incredible (stupid) when it comes to hope..

And I am a very good example of that..

I really wish I could flip the switch..

[HopeDiesLast]

Ya know, Justso....i am just like that. i didnt speak to my ex for 4 weeks hoping to give him space and time. and while id like to think the longer i distance myself the more of a chance he'll realize, i just cant live like this anymore. i cant. i need to know either way that theres no hope or that he just needs to figure himself out. im stressing way too much.

[SweetTux]

I agree with JooLee when she said " this is just my opinion - in the end it comes to what you want to do that will help you move on."

 

You should do what u think is right... I'm in your situation... I intiated NC its been a week already but its not going so well. I don't even know what I really want to do. But I believe JooLee is right when she says that only doing what u want will help you move on. If you believe u can be friends with her and maybe in time she'll realize how much she loves you then go for it. Just remember that it might not work out and you two might just end up as really close friends sharing details about new bfs/gfs. So think about if you are going to be able to handle it because it will be really hard if you still love her. For me I'm split between the NC and being friends... So take some time and really think about it because its not an easy decision to make.

[sultry33]

Ya know, Justso....i am just like that. i didnt speak to my ex for 4 weeks hoping to give him space and time. and while id like to think the longer i distance myself the more of a chance he'll realize, i just cant live like this anymore. i cant. i need to know either way that theres no hope or that he just needs to figure himself out. im stressing way too much.

 

yea i know i was the same.. it hurts to think that whilst in rs they couldnt

leave it for few hrs to not text etc but when its over.. they can go days.. months..

i felt like he made me depend on him.. he called me loads texted loads when prev to this in other rs i didnt call and rarely texted 1st.. bad gf lol

 

i used to say im just like that and i trully was.. but with him it was different i loved the way he was.. the way i would text him good morning when he was at work.. he would text me goodnight etc when he had sleep out

 

i broke nc as i was weak but also i missed him and wanted him to know..

if he hadnt replied then i would have been ok.. i would have known he still needed time.. but he did reply.. dont know what will happen next if anything.. but he has said we can catch up..

 

i say do what is right for you.. it was right for me to break nc even though

prev to this he said "let fate decide"... how i met him was fate.. i dont think you get too many chances at fate?