lala13 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 i've been dating a guy for a little over a week, talking every day, flirting insanely... tomorrow we're hanging at his place and i think he will try. is it too soon? do guys think bad things about girls who sleep with someone after only 4 dates? i haven't been with a guy in a long time and i'm super attracted to him and i don't want to wait, but then again, i really like him and don't want to ruin it. am i rushing it?
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 This is a very hard question to answer. I don't think guys think "badly" about someone that moves fast, but you know the old saying.. why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? ..but that's an old saying for another era. It's hard to say how "into" you he is after only a week's time. All I can say is waiting will usually do no harm. Not waiting can bring about regret.
jadedone Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 If he's a decent guy he will HOPE for sex, but not expect it. If you want it, go for it.
porter218 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Four dates isn't to quick IMO. I think just do what you think feels right that night. I would say if you really like him let him make the first move. Maybe he is thinking it is too soon so just let him make that decision without jumping him first. I doubt it would be a mistake if you guys go all the way this time.
Nemo Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 If you don't do it very, very soon, then you risk being cast to the friend zone.
Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Lala, I don't see a problem with it, but just consider if you start sleeping with him, and he is still sleeping with other women and/or dating other women. If this matters to you, then I encourage you to have the exclusivity talk BEFORE you jump into his bed. Otherwise, you'll be back here in a month complaining about how you regretfully slept with some guy too soon and you just found out he's still sleeping with other women. And if you don't care, then I say go get your swerve on!
Blue Strawberry Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 No, don't do it yet. Make him sweat some more. Then you can weed him out as to if he's just after sex or not.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 How come nobody brought up giving the guy a bj? Going back to his apartment especially if he had offered, implies that he's expecting for you to give in. But if you don't want to jump in the sack just yet, but is still really attracted to him, the best thing to do is give him a bj to show him that you like him enough to give him. At the same time you would've tired him out to want actual sex. And it'll keep him interested enough to ask you out for more dates.
Lovelybird Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 After 4 dates then have sex relationship with him, is too early IMO After 4 dates, you don't know each other well, you don't know what charactors he has, you don't know if your values are similar or not. If you bring sex into this situation, it will make it more burdersome and confusing, especially women are easily bonded to the man they have sex with, after having sex, you will endlessly analyse why he doesn't call yet, why he doesn't say 'it is great' yet, why he doesn't say "I love you" yet. You have values as a woman, you don't have to bj a man in order to make him interested as some posts advised, I thought that only happen in porn only Sex within commitment bring fulfillment and satisfaction, otherwise it brings too much drama, today's dating world is a big drama, but anyone can choose to do it differently
Blue Strawberry Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 No, do NOT give him a bj. That is the same as sex. I agree with the poster above, it's too soon!
porter218 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 How come nobody brought up giving the guy a bj? Going back to his apartment especially if he had offered, implies that he's expecting for you to give in. But if you don't want to jump in the sack just yet, but is still really attracted to him, the best thing to do is give him a bj to show him that you like him enough to give him. At the same time you would've tired him out to want actual sex. And it'll keep him interested enough to ask you out for more dates. no no no no!!! don't do this. A bj with out intercourse involved after only 1week will make him think you don't care about yourself. A bj is something you do after you get to know him better and sex is already in the equation. A simple bj by itself will make the man think much less of you.
Walk Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Which ever way you decide, protect yourself. Don't have sex with him unless you can talk to him about who he's currently sleeping with, his last sexual encounter, whether he uses condoms, his last STD testing, etc. Just be safe, ok. He won't NOT like you because you're concerned for your health. It shows you respect yourself, and your body. Other than that... forget the BJ. Why should he be the one that gets his jollies while you do all the work? Those are saved for when you know the guy is going to give as much in return as he gets. Either that or make him go down on you first, then give him a bj.
lovestruck818 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 OP- are you and him exclusive...as in bf/gf and not seeing anyone else? If you are, then I don't think 4 dates is too soon. I don't have sex with someone until I am in a relationship with them. I would just ahte for you to have sex with this guy and then if you are not exclusive with him, have him hurt your feelings if he doesn't want to be and you feeling used- b/c it has happened to me. Good luck!
porter218 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 These posts are completely clueless and show a lack of understanding on of the male race. I can see what your point is by the 3 post you picked...so then maybe next time you quote me you should read all the posts I make on that particlar thread. I have no lack of understanding of the male "race"(lol). This is something I said based on what many men have told me. If many different men feel that a bj by itself before ever having sex makes them think less of a woman then maybe it is true. They all agreed that if they received a bj along with sex they would not think less of her...A bj by itself makes them feel like they don't need to worry about her needs because obviously she doesn't care about her own needs.
sultry33 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 all this bj or not talk.. personally i think if it feels right go for it.. sex i mean not bj.. that should not really be a 1st base stage imo.. i have had sex on 1st nights.. still seen them after last one lasted 4yrs so i dont think it says that much about a person.. we live in the modern world where both sexes are more open about sex anyway.. have fun stay safe.. as Nemo says you need to be careful to not fall in the "friend zone" but talk so your not fwb either have a great night..
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 There's no right or wrong time. It depends on what you're after. If you're satisfied with the level that you both know and understand each other, then do whatever feels right. On the otherhand, why would he get to know you better as a person, if you're already giving him what he wants from you? From what you know of some men, how many are truly interested in you as a person, v. the external/physical aspect? Btw, you can acquire several types of STDs through oral so do practice safe sex, regardless.
endlesstrains Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Black men don't speak for all men, not white men in any case. Stick what you know, not what someone else tells you. From what I've seen of your posts on here you are some kind of emotionless robot so I don't know that anyone should take advice from you. Sexism and racism to boot? Yeah...
Lucky555 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted by lovelybird: only Sex within commitment bring fulfillment and satisfaction, otherwise it brings too much drama, today's dating world is a big drama, but anyone can choose to do it differently This person is right. I know you want him maybe go out instead of going to his place.
porter218 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Black men don't speak for all men, not white men in any case. Stick what you know, not what someone else tells you. I am not only referring to the men I have dated...My brothers are white(and many of my friends are as well) and no subject is too taboo for us to talk about. I have to go on what others say because in case you didn't know...I am a woman not a man.
Blue Strawberry Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I definitely have to say that if you want to have a relationship with him, wait until you are exclusive. If you let him know that you don't want to have sex until then, you want to get to know him better before you jump into bed, and he doesn't agree and dumps you over that, that is all for the best because then you know you are dealing with a man who just wanted sex from you, that's it. If you're at his place and if he makes a move for sex, just say "I'm not ready for that yet, it's too soon." But be really nice about it. Just try it.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Anyways bj or not, the point of the matter is, OP, you like the guy, but your conscious is telling you that you're not ready for anything intimate until you've completely understand his intentions. Best thing to do is test the waters, and if he comes on strong, tell him you want to wait a bit. If he respects you well enough then you know he's not after the sex, but if he stops asking you out after that, just know that you've dodged a bullet.
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