Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 As I am trying to work through my recent bitterness. I initiated contact with one match. A LOT older than I normally date (47), but was still attractive, and I have to trust Dr. Warren that we were meant to be together and fall in love, right? So, I got home tonight, and received a message from my "match". He closed communication. Reason? He said he didn't feel the chemistry was there. WTF? Is that the same thing as saying, "I find you to be a gross hag and I am going to ask for my money back if this is what I am going to be matched with?" Or, does it mean, "although many men may enjoy your massive boobs, real or not, I personally find them atrocious." Or, is he just perhaps a Yankees fan? Oh, did I mention that at 47, he's NEVER been married? I am going to try to NOT let this make me furtherly bitter. BUT, I will add, that I wish I would take my own advice, and NOT contact men first. It just NEVER seems to work out for me! Even on eharmony.
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 If dating sites actually worked, people would pay for a couple months and leave. That's not a very sound business model in my opinion. I think the makers of those sites are keenly aware of what the real success percentages are, and are laughing all the way to the bank. They don't call it E-Har-money for nothing. Oops, now I'm being bitter Hang in there. You'll find your match, and he won't be 47.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 Wow. Now I feel even worse. Dismissed AND part of the corporate machine.
lovestruck818 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 As I am trying to work through my recent bitterness. I initiated contact with one match. A LOT older than I normally date (47), but was still attractive, and I have to trust Dr. Warren that we were meant to be together and fall in love, right? So, I got home tonight, and received a message from my "match". He closed communication. Reason? He said he didn't feel the chemistry was there. WTF? Is that the same thing as saying, "I find you to be a gross hag and I am going to ask for my money back if this is what I am going to be matched with?" Or, does it mean, "although many men may enjoy your massive boobs, real or not, I personally find them atrocious." Or, is he just perhaps a Yankees fan? Oh, did I mention that at 47, he's NEVER been married? I am going to try to NOT let this make me furtherly bitter. BUT, I will add, that I wish I would take my own advice, and NOT contact men first. It just NEVER seems to work out for me! Even on eharmony. Well, there is nothing wrong with being in your 40's and not married. Maybe he wanted to get married but just never found the right girl? That's not really his fault. I mean, yeah maybe he's also an absolute weirdo, but I didn't get that impression from your original post. I work with a wonderful man who is 35 years old. Gorgeous, very funny, charming, smart, nice, successful etc. etc. A perfect catch, in my opinion. He really wants to meet a girl and settle down and fall in love and he is having a tough time with it. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with him, or that it's bad that he is single, or that he should be looked down upon. Sometimes I think he is just too good for the girls he is meeting...
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 Yes, but according to Dr. Warren, we were matched on 937 compatibility points. To be dismissed because of a "lack of chemistry" seems so odd to do, just from a photo. Not to mention, I happen to be really hot, like pro athlete worthy hot. lol Curse of the Baller!!! (I hope all my sarcasm is obvious in this posting. If not, then please know it's there).
TheSilentType Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 What did you say to him when you contacted him?
lovestruck818 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Yes, but according to Dr. Warren, we were matched on 937 compatibility points. To be dismissed because of a "lack of chemistry" seems so odd to do, just from a photo. Not to mention, I happen to be really hot, like pro athlete worthy hot. lol Curse of the Baller!!! (I hope all my sarcasm is obvious in this posting. If not, then please know it's there). Well, if Dr. Warren knew everything and his compatibility tests were always meant to be right, then no one would ever have failed dates on the site. Honestly it's so normal to be rejected on those sites...I mean after all, people are probably lying anyway.
jerbear Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Wow. Now I feel even worse. Dismissed AND part of the corporate machine. Hey JB, don't dispair! There are other sites out there, some work better for others and some don't. I have friends who had better success with e-harmony than with match. For some they've yelled Yahoo!!! with Yahoo.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 What did you say to him when you contacted him? Nothing! It's all guided communication, so all I was able to do in my initial contact was pick 5 default questions for him to answer. Maybe I picked the wrong ones... Well, if Dr. Warren knew everything and his compatibility tests were always meant to be right, then no one would ever have failed dates on the site. Honestly it's so normal to be rejected on those sites...I mean after all, people are probably lying anyway. Yes, but to be rejected before we ever even met? Pfft. Hey JB, don't dispair! There are other sites out there, some work better for others and some don't. I have friends who had better success with e-harmony than with match. For some they've yelled Yahoo!!! with Yahoo. Oh, Other JB, I've so been trying to NOT be as intensely bitter as I've been feeling. This certainly was a little blow to my self-esteem.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 I say Yankees fan. Word. Good thing I weeded his sh*t right out.
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I've been rejected PLENTY of times before I ever met someone. Everyone is a little superficial. Perhaps he just wasn't attracted to you? I know plenty of people that aren't attracted to me.. that doesn't mean I'm not attractive, just not to them specifically - or maybe they just didn't like the picture I had. I think the chemistry line is BS though. How can you really flirt with the internet? Eye contact, body language.. it just isn't there. Hell he may have changed his mind completely if he saw you in person. Photos sometimes simply do not do proper justice, especially if you are bubbly and just plain fun to be with. Hard to convey that in a mug shot. In other words, don't knock yourself down just 'cause some fool on the internet stopped contact with you. There's plenty more fools where that came from, and that's not what you want anyway. I'm sorry I got my bitter slant on your post early. I don't want you to feel worse. You just got some schmuck that probably has no idea what he's missin out on. His loss, not yours.
jerbear Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 You know it would be interesting to see the passion between the Red Sox fan and the Yankee fan. I'm sorry I got my bitter slant on your post early. I don't want you to feel worse. You just got some schmuck that probably has no idea what he's missin out on. His loss, not yours. That is the truth. Oh, Other JB, I've so been trying to NOT be as intensely bitter as I've been feeling. This certainly was a little blow to my self-esteem. Well, think of it this way, you've found out now. Who knows what he was thinking.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 I've been rejected PLENTY of times before I ever met someone. Everyone is a little superficial. Perhaps he just wasn't attracted to you? I know plenty of people that aren't attracted to me.. that doesn't mean I'm not attractive, just not to them specifically - or maybe they just didn't like the picture I had. I think the chemistry line is BS though. How can you really flirt with the internet? Eye contact, body language.. it just isn't there. Hell he may have changed his mind completely if he saw you in person. Photos sometimes simply do not do proper justice, especially if you are bubbly and just plain fun to be with. Hard to convey that in a mug shot. In other words, don't knock yourself down just 'cause some fool on the internet stopped contact with you. There's plenty more fools where that came from, and that's not what you want anyway. I'm sorry I got my bitter slant on your post early. I don't want you to feel worse. You just got some schmuck that probably has no idea what he's missin out on. His loss, not yours. Yes, but who's not attracted to me? lol JK, granted,if he goes for petite flat blondes, Im not that. Im just having SUCH a hard time trying to move on from Baller, and it seems like everything I try is being thwarted
Tomcat33 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Sorry to say JB but who the fck is Dr Warren? On paper anyone can be the right match but in actuality it plays out differently. They sell that site on the appeal of the compatinility test yet they neglect to put true emphasis on chemistry. I think that many that join that site are sold on this idea that they must be good together because some "Test" says so, so they try to "make it work" Don't take is personally JB and yeah let them contact you first, that way you never have to endure rejection, let's face it women aren't adept to being rejected, we never had to work for it so why start now? I have a whole lot of respect for men because they get rejected all the time and yet there they are at it again the next chance they get, they have trained for it their entire lives, we are not so good at it from lack of experience.
whichwayisup Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 It's like on paper The Sens are a great team, but when push comes to shove, they CHOKE. They're the Buffalo Bills of hockey. Jilly, who cares. This guy is probably a 47 year old virgin, living at home and has hairy palms. Don't take it so personally and please, don't let it upset ya!
Blue Strawberry Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 On eharmony you're going to get tons of matches and tons of "closed" for various reasons (been there, done that.) You can't take it personally. It could be as simple as he prefers blonds, who knows? I have gotten several "other" as reasons for closing the match.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 TC - thanks. I want my $$$ back from Dr. Warren. Supposed we had a lot in common, but apparently I wasn't something enough, or maybe TOO much of something for him.
Blue Strawberry Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I work with a wonderful man who is 35 years old. Gorgeous, very funny, charming, smart, nice, successful etc. etc. A perfect catch, in my opinion. He really wants to meet a girl and settle down and fall in love and he is having a tough time with it. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with him, or that it's bad that he is single, or that he should be looked down upon. is meeting... You need to dump that deadbeat boyfriend of yours and go for this guy, Lovestruck.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 I meant to write: TC - thanks. I want my $$$ back from Dr. Warren. Supposed we had a lot in common, but apparently I wasn't something enough, or maybe TOO much of something for him. I guess I would have expected a 47-year old man, who has never been married, to be a little less superficial? It's not like I'm hideous here! WWIU - 47, never married? Cmon now! B berry - thanks, hon. I guess I really expected people on that site to NOT be like match.com, and to be more into finding someone sincere, rather than making it a beauty parade.
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Im just having SUCH a hard time trying to move on from Baller, and it seems like everything I try is being thwarted Maybe dating other people isn't the appropriate way to get over someone in the first place? It's been said a million times, but when you are truly happy with yourself and your own life, without anyone else, you will be found. You'll have options coming out your ears. When it rains, it pours. It's just a little dry for you right now. Practice patience by getting busy enjoying yourself.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 On eharmony you're going to get tons of matches and tons of "closed" for various reasons (been there, done that.) You can't take it personally. It could be as simple as he prefers blonds, who knows? I have gotten several "other" as reasons for closing the match. Other would have been better than NO CHEMISTRY.
carhill Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I have to admit I leaked a little snicker, thinking about all those women on American Singles and Matchmaker a decade ago who busted my b@lls. No one is immune, JB, even a hottie like yourself. Another day, another match, another potential. Just think of it as expanding your pool of potential suitors. The same percentages still apply. I think you've just been stopping at the wrong karma platform lately. Maybe the signage is messed up. The good karma train stops over -----> Best wishes and thanks for making me feel old
whichwayisup Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Is it possible that the energy being put out there and getting rejected just means that now isn't the time to be dating? You're not ready..Motive is right.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 Maybe dating other people isn't the appropriate way to get over someone in the first place? It's been said a million times, but when you are truly happy with yourself and your own life, without anyone else, you will be found. You'll have options coming out your ears. When it rains, it pours. It's just a little dry for you right now. Practice patience by getting busy enjoying yourself. It's not so much that I am trying to get over him, but trying to move on with my life, period. Just find someone new, you know? Maybe I should stop trying. I dunno.
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