itgirlragdoll Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Well, not sure where to start off. I have been with my current boyfriend for something like two and a half months. We have a pretty awesome relationship. On one hand I can hang out with him like my best friend and he makes me laugh like crazy, and on the other hand we have pretty much the most amazing romantic/sex life I've ever experienced. Best of both worlds, really. I even think I may be falling in love with him. So what's my issue? I'm extremely insecure. I constantly feel like he's going to actively seek out someone better (and by better I generally mean more attractive). And I'm not ugly - I know this! I'm tall, in good shape, and even do a little bit of modeling. And he's an attractive guy but not out of my league or anything, so I don't know why I'm so insecure. In an effort to not seem clingy/hypersensitive/emotional I don't really bring this up with my boyfriend very often; I mentioned once or twice casually that he would leave me when he found someone prettier or whatever, and he actually gets very distraught that I would think that. I was never like this in my previous relationship, but then again I was with my ex for three years, and was extremely secure (I think too secure) with him and our relationship. It's gotten to the point where I have anxiety about what to eat/wear/etc and I have NEVER been like that before. I have always stayed healthy but never pushing an eating disorder or anything close. I also convince myself that if he's not with me, or if I'm too busy to spend time with him (I am in school full time, volunteer part time AND work part time), that he's found someone else and is cheating on me. When I'm rational, no, of course I don't think he actually is. But I get so worked up about it sometimes. Now it's a new relationship and I don't want to scare him away especially since I can rationalize that most of these thoughts are baseless, so I don't often share them with him and I never "accuse" him of cheating. I know better than that. I'm just having trouble dealing with the stress it causes me. Why with this guy? He has never said anything in regards to my appearance other than how attracted he is to me, how beautiful I am, and how lucky he feels when he's with me. What's the deal? If it relates, I'm 21, he is 31. Sorry that's so long and detailed, many thanks to those who read it. :]
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I've been where you are now. Anxious, insecure.. the whole thing. In my particular case, it was my ex's flaky behavior that pushed most of my buttons. Not only was I already a bit insecure, but her actions put me over the top. Is there anything he's doing specifically to put you into this tornado of anxiety? Do you have anything you're trying to put you back into a relaxed state? Meditation? Breathing exercises? Try your best to calm down. Sounds like he really digs you and you've got nothing to worry about. I know, easier said than done, but if you start feeling anxious, let it out here. Try focusing on your breathing. Really pay close attention to it. During that time you're distracting yourself from your anxious thoughts and putting your body into a more relaxed state at the same time. Hope that helps. Post here when you get this tornado thing going, and perhaps include what triggered it.
lovestruck818 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Well, not sure where to start off. I have been with my current boyfriend for something like two and a half months. We have a pretty awesome relationship. On one hand I can hang out with him like my best friend and he makes me laugh like crazy, and on the other hand we have pretty much the most amazing romantic/sex life I've ever experienced. Best of both worlds, really. I even think I may be falling in love with him. So what's my issue? I'm extremely insecure. I constantly feel like he's going to actively seek out someone better (and by better I generally mean more attractive). And I'm not ugly - I know this! I'm tall, in good shape, and even do a little bit of modeling. And he's an attractive guy but not out of my league or anything, so I don't know why I'm so insecure. In an effort to not seem clingy/hypersensitive/emotional I don't really bring this up with my boyfriend very often; I mentioned once or twice casually that he would leave me when he found someone prettier or whatever, and he actually gets very distraught that I would think that. I was never like this in my previous relationship, but then again I was with my ex for three years, and was extremely secure (I think too secure) with him and our relationship. It's gotten to the point where I have anxiety about what to eat/wear/etc and I have NEVER been like that before. I have always stayed healthy but never pushing an eating disorder or anything close. I also convince myself that if he's not with me, or if I'm too busy to spend time with him (I am in school full time, volunteer part time AND work part time), that he's found someone else and is cheating on me. When I'm rational, no, of course I don't think he actually is. But I get so worked up about it sometimes. Now it's a new relationship and I don't want to scare him away especially since I can rationalize that most of these thoughts are baseless, so I don't often share them with him and I never "accuse" him of cheating. I know better than that. I'm just having trouble dealing with the stress it causes me. Why with this guy? He has never said anything in regards to my appearance other than how attracted he is to me, how beautiful I am, and how lucky he feels when he's with me. What's the deal? If it relates, I'm 21, he is 31. Sorry that's so long and detailed, many thanks to those who read it. :] Do you think a lot of the insecurities have to do with the age difference?
Author itgirlragdoll Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 I've been where you are now. Anxious, insecure.. the whole thing. In my particular case, it was my ex's flaky behavior that pushed most of my buttons. Not only was I already a bit insecure, but her actions put me over the top. Is there anything he's doing specifically to put you into this tornado of anxiety? Do you have anything you're trying to put you back into a relaxed state? Meditation? Breathing exercises? Try your best to calm down. Sounds like he really digs you and you've got nothing to worry about. I know, easier said than done, but if you start feeling anxious, let it out here. Try focusing on your breathing. Really pay close attention to it. During that time you're distracting yourself from your anxious thoughts and putting your body into a more relaxed state at the same time. Hope that helps. Post here when you get this tornado thing going, and perhaps include what triggered it. Thanks motive, actually it helps a lot just to let my thoughts out, you are right. And I've been starting to do some breathing and general relaxation exercises and they do help me calm down when I get in those "moods." He doesn't really do anything to make me feel this way; it usually gets the worst when I'm not around him, because my mind wanders and I worry. Do you think a lot of the insecurities have to do with the age difference? I don't see why it would...how do you mean exactly?
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