Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 This is great guys... exactly what I want people arguing on both sides... Maybe papercut is right... I sjhould entirely forget about a relationship with this girl... but then I dont really see.. if I feel fine rather than torn up that there is anythinbg at all wrong with hoping for more and considering the best way for me to acheive that. Papercut keeps saying I that I keep saying that I dont even like the girl... this is wrong I do... I think she is worth the trouble evn though I have moved on... She keeps contacting me... now whatevetr her intentions are is kind of what is being debated here... that's what needs to be figured out. Shall we ask paper (even though she's said twice that thgis was gonna be her last time posting) Why would youy keep calling a guy after you broke up with him, why would you send him texts saying how attractive he was and how would you feel if he took the breakup 3 million times better than her boyfriend of two years and although agreeing to be friends... thanked you for the time spent together on a number of private peronal level and agreed with the split up. Further, how would paper feel if often when she called him as "friends" he was busy etc. One further thing to paper.. cos I know you'll read it and so does everyone else. If youy dream about a dog.. does that mean your obsessed about dogs: Friends, pets, household items (ie the things in human life) are always in dreams... they may have a greater or lesser significance but their presence does not equal obsession. I think bout her alot okay... but like I said.. she's a girl that I think is worth the trouble... I'm asking people to figure out what her intentions could be towards me given everything I've said about her... can papercut please stop sideling discussions about whether or not I'm taking peoples advice or whether or not their advice is what I should take... THIS IS NOT THE ISSUE.. I'll read what people have to say... but its my life and my choice and I'm very comfortable with it - notice how my threads contain no mention of "moodswings and suicide" [see papers threads] I'm only excited by possibility and I feel emotionally better than I have ever felt... Cheers guys xxx
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 he's trying to ask for so- called " strategies" to win her back, when he never really had her in the first place. What does that tell you about him? One more thing... it mite help matters if you could answer your own questions... What it tells u about me is that I do like her. You claim that I have said that I dont. what I have said is that.. I am not torn up about her. Maybe you suggesting that if I never really had her in the first place, I was not good enough for her or something to that effect.. With rhetoric its hard to tell but its okay..ur clearly not a philosphy, maths, english or science major..
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I think papercut has given you great advice.. The problem is that you are not following it.. As far as nobody posting.. well.. you criticize each person who posts advice that is on target but advice that you do not want to hear.. You my friend are a victim of yourself... How about rereading your thread.. there is a ton of advice for you to follow Maybe their advice is bang on target and I should not waste my time. I haven mentioned on numerable occasions that I think this girl is worth the time... that is why ignore all your doom and gloom. I am not a victim of anything apart from your need to try and crush my belief that sometimes things are worth believing in and fighting for. cheer up.. xxx
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 You have been backburnered and friendzoned.. if being second best/choice is the position you like to be then so be it.. it wouldn't be enough for me.. The girl keeps contacting you for 2 reasons... Checking to make sure sure her backburned guy is still there and if he is slipping then give him something to keep him hooked.. The other reason is simple.. her ego.. she likes the stroke she gets from making a guy beg for her and follow each of her moves.. I'm sure you know what No Contact is ??... NC is what you should do.. treat her to silence and move on.. Nobody likes being someones backup or second choice.. how degrading that is... Time for you to move on...
likestolaugh Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 well, from everything I've personally seen in life, and read, let her come to you. She will most likely even accidentally reveal what she's thinking at some point. If she's actually interested. as I said though, time is what's needed. Casual time... time to above all... COOL DOWN
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 You have been backburnered.. if being second best/choice is the position you like to be then so be it.. it wouldn't be enough for me.. The girl keeps contacting you for 2 reasons... Checking to make sure sure her backburned guy is still there and if he is slipping then give him something to keep him hooked.. The other reason is simple.. her ego.. she likes the stroke she gets from making a guy beg for her and follow each of her moves.. I'm sure you know what No Contact is ??... NC is what you should do.. treat her to silence and move on.. Nobody likes being someones backup or second choice.. how degrading that is... Time for you to move on... Yeah maybe... but... would you rather win a girl over who looks like a model so u are her first choice or settle as the straightforwardfirst choice a girl mediocre by comparison? Still.. I don't think these either or questions apply...they are false dichotmies and misrepresent the complexity of individual circumstances. I may very well be like a backup now... but I can easilly take myself outta that... I'm not calling her, its the other way round. we'll see I guess and I'll keep u guys posted either way. One more thing when u wrote "I'm pretty sure its over :laugh:" who was the smiley face for... I dont need the advice of a person whose TRYING TO MAKE PUBLIC HIS AMUSEMENT AT OTHER PEOPLES DISAPOITMENT. maybe we should ask papercut what that says about you. I could be deluded... but I never feel amusement at other people's disapointment. Maybe we can ask papercut what that says about me and u??? all my love XXXX
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I am not a victim of anything apart from your need to try and crush my belief that sometimes things are worth believing in and fighting for. I have no desire to try and crush your belief about fighting for something.. No posted this thread asking for advice.. I have given it.. I myself am a go down in flames type of guy.. but dude this girl doesn't want you.. Why fight for something that isn't there ? If a person doesn't want you then accept it like a man and move on.. don't settle for scraps like you are settling for now.. There are a million women out there that can trip your trigger.. go fight for one of those instead of losing your manhood to this woman.
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I dont need the advice of a person whose TRYING TO MAKE PUBLIC HIS AMUSEMENT AT OTHER PEOPLES DISAPOITMENT. maybe we should ask papercut what that says about you. I could be deluded... but I never feel amusement at other people's disapointment. Maybe we can ask papercut what that says about me and u??? all my love XXXX This part of your post is just you acting like an idiot.. my grin ( not smilie ) was because you were asking for positive advice and I gave you some in the form of a quip.. I have never been amused by your posts.. some which attack some of the posters on this thread I have given you some of my time from my life to yours.. I guess in reality that is an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back.. what a waste... Cheers
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I have no desire to try and crush your belief about fighting for something.. No posted this thread asking for advice.. I have given it.. I myself am a go down in flames type of guy.. but dude this girl doesn't want you.. Why fight for something that isn't there ? If a person doesn't want you then accept it like a man and move on.. don't settle for scraps like you are settling for now.. There are a million women out there that can trip your trigger.. go fight for one of those instead of losing your manhood to this woman. I dont think I've lost my manhood ... lol I appreciate the advice and its not like I'm ruling out other girls at the mo at all - I got with a girl the other day (BJ On the beach .. nice) .. I'm just very open to the possibility of getting back with her (though I would like to turn her down at least once initially for my self) and if there's n e thing that can be done without sacrifivcing my dignity I'll do it... I appreciate that me saying " I have moved on" may seem a bit rich seeing as I'm still posting... but if she gets with someone else or whatever I'm not gonna be crying you know... I'm not gonna give in and see her whenever she wants and I'll tell u what ... I've always had this plan in mind... I live in the middle of town... there will be a point when she's gonna turn up here drink looking for it... I'll turn her down if that happens... and tell her to call me when she's not drunk...If that happens... I think I will have made my point to her and u guys... I said she was gonna call at sum point over the weekend and she did even though I was getting worried that she wasn't going to... I could be right about this too... Plus.. I think what's going on here is really of interest to alot of people... How many guys do u reckon want their exs back... this is a good soap opera that people can maybe learn from whatever happens... lets keep it like that.. Cheeers Geez xxx
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I admire your belief and resolve to battle to the end, but ultimately you are going to be struck down at some point and will have to succumb and admit to defeat. Your pride and ego are clouding your judgement, not one post that you have posted suggests to me that this girl likes you or is interested in you vaguely. I know it hurts when people say that and like you I dismissed these comments only to find out later that the person who offered me the same advice that is being offered to you was indeed correct. I ate a lot of humble pie in my teen years and right up until I was 22. You can wait around for her and perhaps she will change her mind at some point, but wouldn’t it be better not to waste your time and move on? If she has feelings for you she’ll let you know, but do you really want to wait around and put one part of your life on hold for something that might be? You could meet a girl in a month’s time you knocks you off your feet and suddenly you’ll lose all interest in this current girl. Moving on is the hardest part, but it has to be done and it won’t be the only time you’ll have to begrudgingly move on, but it has to be done.
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I admire your belief and resolve to battle to the end, but ultimately you are going to be struck down at some point and will have to succumb and admit to defeat. Your pride and ego are clouding your judgement, not one post that you have posted suggests to me that this girl likes you or is interested in you vaguely. I know it hurts when people say that and like you I dismissed these comments only to find out later that the person who offered me the same advice that is being offered to you was indeed correct. I ate a lot of humble pie in my teen years and right up until I was 22. You can wait around for her and perhaps she will change her mind at some point, but wouldn’t it be better not to waste your time and move on? If she has feelings for you she’ll let you know, but do you really want to wait around and put one part of your life on hold for something that might be? You could meet a girl in a month’s time you knocks you off your feet and suddenly you’ll lose all interest in this current girl. Moving on is the hardest part, but it has to be done and it won’t be the only time you’ll have to begrudgingly move on, but it has to be done. I mean basically.... that works fine by me... just go about my business and maybe she'll call and let her feelings known if she has any... One question: What would suggest to you that this girl likes me or is interested in me vaguely? If I know that.. then maybe we're getting somewhere...
likestolaugh Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 One question: What would suggest to you that this girl likes me or is interested in me vaguely? If I know that.. then maybe we're getting somewhere... isn't that more for you to know? After all, none of the people here know her even remotely.... and every person is different.
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I mean basically.... that works fine by me... just go about my business and maybe she'll call and let her feelings known if she has any... One question: What would suggest to you that this girl likes me or is interested in me vaguely? If I know that.. then maybe we're getting somewhere... It’s not for me to say, how can I? I can only get one side of the story, your side. It’s for you to know and establish whether or not she likes you or is vaguely interested. I think she is using your affection for her to her own advantage and by doing so is stringing you along, but I might be way off the mark. Either way, I’d leave her at the back of mind and move on. If she has feelings for her and tells you, then its all good, if she doesn’t then at least you’ll have moved on and haven’t wasted anymore time on her.
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 isn't that more for you to know? After all, none of the people here know her even remotely.... and every person is different. Umm yeah maybe... but the poster seemed pretty confident that there would be some things she may do or say that send a pretty definate message... I dunno if female to male Indicators of Interest cahnge after a breakup or if theyt are still the standard... laughing at your jokes, making eye contact.. calling you by a nickname... asking for your help with something etc. I expect that the poster is right though: I think if she changed her mind she'd just let me know in plain English... good question though I feel.. cheers liketolaugh ... XXX
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 It’s not for me to say, how can I? I can only get one side of the story, your side. It’s for you to know and establish whether or not she likes you or is vaguely interested. I think she is using your affection for her to her own advantage and by doing so is stringing you along, but I might be way off the mark. Either way, I’d leave her at the back of mind and move on. If she has feelings for her and tells you, then its all good, if she doesn’t then at least you’ll have moved on and haven’t wasted anymore time on her. Yeah she may be doing that.. contacting me just enough to keep me interested... basically when she calls, as I've said, I'll see her if I fancy it or not... I'm not holding out a massive load of hope given what most people have said... How about this for an idea though... say she asks to meet me at some point.. agree a time and aplace or whatever... and I just dont show up... and turn off my phone... what would she think then??? would be a bit cruel.. but I can string too.. know what I mean..
KateSue Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I feel your pain, just went through the same thing. I think "no contact is the way to go" What i realized is that no contact is a win-win situation. Why? Well because either two things will happen from this and only two things. Either your ex will begin to miss you and realize what they had when you are not there to pressure them anymore or call them. Or you will just move on and forget about her. i know that it seems impossible but it will happen. There are so many stories of people reconnecting with there old loves down the road. Also the ego thing is a valid point, you may just want to win her back for the wrong reasons.
LovehateLove Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Yeah she may be doing that.. contacting me just enough to keep me interested... basically when she calls, as I've said, I'll see her if I fancy it or not... I'm not holding out a massive load of hope given what most people have said... How about this for an idea though... say she asks to meet me at some point.. agree a time and aplace or whatever... and I just dont show up... and turn off my phone... what would she think then??? would be a bit cruel.. but I can string too.. know what I mean.. Don’t play games and don’t stand someone up, that is completely vile behaviour. I condemn such idiocy. Just put her on the backburner. If she wants to meet and you have time to kill, then why not? But don’t drop whatever you are doing when she comes a knockin’. Don’t spend all day thinking about her, just pre-occupy yourself with your interests and hobbies, work, university and whatever else you do with your time. Cast your mind back before she was in your life and carry on from where you left off.
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I feel your pain, just went through the same thing. I think "no contact is the way to go" What i realized is that no contact is a win-win situation. Why? Well because either two things will happen from this and only two things. Either your ex will begin to miss you and realize what they had when you are not there to pressure them anymore or call them. Or you will just move on and forget about her. i know that it seems impossible but it will happen. There are so many stories of people reconnecting with there old loves down the road. Also the ego thing is a valid point, you may just want to win her back for the wrong reasons. so just ignore her calls and texts... ??? I want her back because she's beautiful and a f*****g legend.
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Don’t play games and don’t stand someone up, that is completely vile behaviour. I condemn such idiocy. Just put her on the backburner. If she wants to meet and you have time to kill, then why not? But don’t drop whatever you are doing when she comes a knockin’. Don’t spend all day thinking about her, just pre-occupy yourself with your interests and hobbies, work, university and whatever else you do with your time. Cast your mind back before she was in your life and carry on from where you left off. Yeah man.. sweet as...
likestolaugh Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 so just ignore her calls and texts... ??? I want her back because she's beautiful and a f*****g legend. this is why you want her? seriously? makes sense I suppose, but I find I may be sympathizing with her... sometimes women can sense these things sometimes...
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 this is why you want her? seriously? makes sense I suppose, but I find I may be sympathizing with her... sometimes women can sense these things sometimes... Can sense what things???
Author thethinwhiteduke Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 This part of your post is just you acting like an idiot.. my grin ( not smilie ) was because you were asking for positive advice and I gave you some in the form of a quip.. I have never been amused by your posts.. some which attack some of the posters on this thread I have given you some of my time from my life to yours.. I guess in reality that is an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back.. what a waste... Cheers apolagies dude... didn't notice it was a quip... I misinterpreted because I didn't propely read the quote... apolagies to papercut aswell.. i realise they were very insensitive... when she said I was obsessive I lashed out . That's an explantion rather than excuse... so aye... sorry to papers. Nonetheless, saying my dreams count as obsessive is, I think , uncalled for... but nevermind huh... we all got problems... sorry again... I've been flagged for like three months so it takes all my posts like 24 hours to come up now while they're checked... anyway... we'll wait and see what happens... I'll post as and when appropriate and mybe record my thoughts in the meantime... heres to moving on ... xxx
likestolaugh Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Can sense what things??? that you're just looking to get laid.
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 apolagies dude... heres to moving on ... xxx You know what.. I also over reacted as well... I'm good if your good ... I hope it works out for you....
Balthazar Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Coming quite late to this thread, I would just like to add a few comments. I think most guys have been in your situation Duke, I know I have. There is always the girl that we can't seem to get to become ours, so we try going the "Friends" route, and we put up with behavior we shouldn't, and we seek to explain and justify her every action a way that serves our purposes. It doesn't work. I am telling you this as one dude to another. It just doesn't. Are there exceptions? Yes, but they just prove the rule. Modern women may be complex, and F****d up in many ways, but if they want a dude, they usually go after him. And if they let him go, they do so because they want to. Everything else is just waffling on the issue. I am not telling you not to chase this woman. If you feel like doing so, by all means, do it. But I think Art and Paper gave you good advice(even if it is disheartening advice). It is much better to be with a woman who digs you, and wants you in a romantic way. A woman who will not sicken you to death with excuses and weird behavior. In any case, at 22, you have all the time in the world, and this situation will be a learning experience. (as another poster says, Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want).
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