She said we can still be friends. I need

[xpaperxcutx]

Yeah... I read alot about PUA stuff for a while and used it minorly and rarely to a limited success in a few clubs... I kinda gave up on it... thinking honesty will bring u the most rewarding of relationships... I don't really know where e stand n e more... some of the game type things have jsut become part of the way I deal with women now I guess...

i rember meeting and sleeping with this girl never seemed to need it... she just seemed to really really like me right from the begginning... whic, I suppose, made me think the relationship would last alot longer...

 

PUA's help you get into bed with women, but overall the tactics are superficial. You can't apply it to a girl you're hoping to develop a strong relationship with. Especially one who has deep trust issues in regards to your intentions. If you start with the one liners, most likely she'll see through your tactics and won't consider your relationship material.

 

I really don't think you should try to pursue her anymore. You said you don't really care about whether she was recipocative or not, so maybe your obsession with her is because you were rejected and it was a huge blow to your ego. Besides you were so ready for a bj or a ONS, whereas it really contradicts with her personality and what she wants out of the opposite sex. She wants someone serious, and if she founds out about your readiness to get in bed with just anyone, I doubt she'll want to pursue anything at all.

[thethinwhiteduke]

PUA's help you get into bed with women, but overall the tactics are superficial. You can't apply it to a girl you're hoping to develop a strong relationship with. Especially one who has deep trust issues in regards to your intentions. If you start with the one liners, most likely she'll see through your tactics and won't consider your relationship material.

 

I really don't think you should try to pursue her anymore. You said you don't really care about whether she was recipocative or not, so maybe your obsession with her is because you were rejected and it was a huge blow to your ego. Besides you were so ready for a bj or a ONS, whereas it really contradicts with her personality and what she wants out of the opposite sex. She wants someone serious, and if she founds out about your readiness to get in bed with just anyone, I doubt she'll want to pursue anything at all.

 

 

Jeebus guys... now I have almost totally contradictory theses about what to do. Basically.. I doubt I'lll call her and I dunno what I'll do if she calls me... Papercut is right though... her rejection did deal me some kind of an ego blow. I do mostly find myself thinking why wasn't i good enough?

and getting almost angry at her... but soo it goes i guess... cheers guys

[Yamaha]

Jeebus guys... now I have almost totally contradictory theses about what to do. Basically.. I doubt I'll call her and I dunno what I'll do if she calls me... Paper cut is right though... her rejection did deal me some kind of an ego blow. I do mostly find myself thinking why wasn't i good enough?

and getting almost angry at her... but SO it goes i guess... cheers guys

 

You have to tell yourself that it just wasn't meant to be and leave it alone. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want you? I don't think so.

 

Rejection might be a short term blow to your ego if your the sensitive type but just learn from it and don't try to please a girl so much until you start getting something back in return. Guys who find them in the friends zone after dating for a short time probably failed with a test she gave you to see if you were someone she wanted to pursue. If you gave in to her demands or were to needy or available then she might see you as not strong enough for her. She may have emotional issues from the ex but if a girl likes you and sees a future this will not stop her. When the romantic switch gets turned off then you get the "be friends" speech ( if she likes you as a person ).

 

My advise is never accept friends if that is not the relationship you desire. You will just be giving her what she wants and opening yourself to more emotional trauma. Say that you have enough friends but you wish her well and find a love interest.

[thethinwhiteduke]

You have to tell yourself that it just wasn't meant to be and leave it alone. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want you? I don't think so.

 

Rejection might be a short term blow to your ego if your the sensitive type but just learn from it and don't try to please a girl so much until you start getting something back in return. Guys who find them in the friends zone after dating for a short time probably failed with a test she gave you to see if you were someone she wanted to pursue. If you gave in to her demands or were to needy or available then she might see you as not strong enough for her. She may have emotional issues from the ex but if a girl likes you and sees a future this will not stop her. When the romantic switch gets turned off then you get the "be friends" speech ( if she likes you as a person ).

 

My advise is never accept friends if that is not the relationship you desire. You will just be giving her what she wants and opening yourself to more emotional trauma. Say that you have enough friends but you wish her well and find a love interest.

 

I think the above is definately the best thing written by anyone so far. Thanks very much Yamaha... your account seems cery sober without being to doomy and gloomy.

 

If she calls or anythinhg I will keep that stuff posted. Like I've said before, I'm not really torn up... I just thought if I could have strategy that she was definately worth it. I think the best strategy is just to avoid her and if I get the chance... deal her an ego blow... and I think I may have already done this a bit anyway.

 

If anyone has any further remarks.. I will definately be glad to hear them and I will keep checking this thread daily and posting as and when it seems appropriate.

 

Special thanks to Yamaha again... I feel as if I hadn't moved on before.. I have now. Cheers guys XXXX

[thethinwhiteduke]

She hasn't called yet... but I felt the need to come on here again as no-one has posted other than me. I have a feeling she may call again (today actually since the weekend is looming) and I am looking forward to it. Mainly so I can tell her that's its probably about time to stop calling. I still think about her all the time. Not in a painful way... sometimes fondly, sometimes with a kind of mild anger. I dreamt about her last night... she had left me a video message and she was with some guy.. kinda good looking. Clearly I still have some kind of lingering residual feelings. I don't think they will ever go away because I had such a good time with her. All this has made me think that I'm very glad that the relationship never got more serious because it would have been much more painful when we eventually split. This going to make me alot more wary about commitment in the future... I've seen alot of posts on LS where relationships have ended after like 2-3 years or more... I don't understand to know those peoples pain but I've almost peered over at it... I don't think you ca appreciate that stuff accept at first hand or maybe through art. Anyway, as always comments more than welcome and I WILL post if she calls. Cheers guys... thanks for reading... XXX

[thethinwhiteduke]

Okay... so I think i've stumbled upon the right strategy... Please tell me what people think... I really look forward to peoples replies and no one has been... maybe they are bored of me lol.

Okay IF she calls I know exactly what I'm gonna say: I'm gonna wholeheartedly agree with the break up on like several grounds but also thank her for everything she did for me while it was happening... [this stuff is personal so i wont go into it]. I don't really want to be just her friend so if it comes up ... I'll just say i have enough friends and i'm busy etc. etc. (she knows i do aswell and she commented on how much of a perfect group it was) I really think this is what needed to be done right from the beginning and i think she gave me the opportunity to do it aswell.. blast! Would really like to know peoples opinions on the matter but at the moment I'm very happy as it is... Big Kiss

 

ps Jungle is massive. Peace. Bo!. Checkit..

[The Collector]

I'm following the thread. Your plan sounds fine, though I don't know if the 'I've got enough friends' bit is necessary, and could look like you still care... if you didn't care you'd probably say 'sure, we can be friends' out of politeness, then never actually get around to calling or returning her calls because you are busy (with your real friends and other women).

 

Your only 19, and probably have many break-ups ahead of you. Even if you instigate them, there will always be some sadness. It's part of life, and you get over it. Remember the good times and look to the future.

[thethinwhiteduke]

Sounds Good dude.. I'm 22 btw... Cheers for the advo... c u all soon XX

[thethinwhiteduke]

Still no call and I keep seeing her in my dreams. Usually she's wearing very little and is with other guys at weird sex parties. Is this normal? when I woke up this morning I felt like an alcholic who'd relapsed. I thought who am I kidding.. I just can't stop thinking about her. Dont get me wrong.. I feel no pain whatsoever and feel something closer to elation. I just dunno whether to wait for her to call anymore.... I deleted her phone no. so I 'd have to call her friend to get her no.

or call her friend and ask her friend to ask her to call me. this to me is undesirable. The only other thing I can do is wait till I c her out and tell her in person... the only thing I can hope for really is that she'll be wondering why I haven't called and just call me. Anythoughts... I need another voice rather than just the samll one inside my head... cheers

xxx

[thethinwhiteduke]

Okay so... jsaut after writing the above I had a missed call and a text. I'm pretty sure I recognise it as her no. as i said I deleted her no so I got no way to tell. The text was her style too and it was aking me for a smoothie in town. Unfortunetely i have no money to call her back... what a raw deal! lol **** me... just went for a cup of tea

and she called

I said everything I wanted to and she's coming over.. c ya later.. Its F****g on... All my love xxxxxxxxx

[thethinwhiteduke]

Okay so she came over... we cahtted about normal stuff really... she tried to get me to come to a drum and bass night on Thurs... (i said I probs coukldn't make it). I was raving a bout the dark whopper at burger king and, as she was leaving, she was like as soon as u get some money we'll go to burger king etc. i sorta initiated her leaving... i was like k we'll listen to this song then i gotta do sum washing...

What Though DO I DO NOW??? I don't want this to become a "friendly relatiuonship"... I'm gonna try and avoid any more contazct with her in that capacity... but I kinda need strategy.. Any one got n e ideas... please let me know really look forward to hearing peoples responses... any way.. a good day I feel.. later

 

xx

[sptu]

well well well...i think that when someone asks you just to be friends, you should accept it and after that, just disappear...

[xpaperxcutx]

This is the last time I'm going to post about this, but you need to stop thinking about her. She just want to be friends. There are no so-called strategies. If you reread some of your posts, they border on pure obsession. You don't even like her that much, you're just hung up on the fact she doesn't like you. Move on.

[thethinwhiteduke]

I disagree... besides she didn't just say "we should just be friends.. she said she didn't want to see anyone at the moment... and she said we can still be friends though". And I do really like her... I can move on and have... I cant stop thinking about the potential of getting back with her when she texts me saying that I looked very handsome in a picture on Myspace and when... I thanked her today for what time we did spend together and told her how good she made me feel.. she said it again. There is clearly alot of residual attraction there... Girls dont just keep calling guys they've been with for a month and a half ... to ask fo coffee and smoothies and what they're doing if they only want to be friends... at the very least she is still thinking about things...

she might have reconsidered it and want more, she might just be confused still, or it might just be that she misses me and found it too hard not to talk to me.

 

You may be right papercut but you have my sympathy if you do not believe in the pssibility of people changing their minds when it come to stuff like this. People bbreak up all the time and do get back together... it does happen... There are such things as exceptions and unique circumstances.

Furthermore.. I've read alot of your post's about guys and they display a certain cold heartedness towards men and playing games with them... Kindly refrain from commentimng on this thread if you have none of the advice I want... I will forget everything with her when I feel its approriate

[thethinwhiteduke]

ps... I realsie I've posted alot on this... (what papercut called obsession)... the primary reason for this ius that all my friends are away at the moment and I have no-one to talk to about it... dreaming about an ex is normal... and relating that dream is not obsessive its honest... jeebus.

[likestolaugh]

you never know. As people have told me (I'm in a similar situation), just live your life, and see other people. Keep contact with her, but not too much. Be flirtatious... make her want you. It will take time, and it still may not work. This could takes months... time is the most important factor methinks.

[thethinwhiteduke]

Nice one... really good AVICE (this time) something a little more realistic and positive from lovestolaugh. Cheers XX

[xpaperxcutx]

Nice one... really good AVICE (this time) something a little more realistic and positive from lovestolaugh. Cheers XX

 

Yes, the advice is positive, but it isn't in any way realistic at all. You're too stubborn to see past what you yourself want to see. Whatever. I'm done giving advice to someone who can't see both sides of the picture.

[sptu]

also, let me add that if you are negative,and you believe that its over etc, you will express this feeling and other people will be negative as well...it seems that what you believe is what finally happens as you(without understanding it) make moves to attract your belief..God how wisdom and i am only 22!LOL

[thethinwhiteduke]

Thanks man(?).. I agree... isn't papercut so nagative... she's off the medication and suicidal apparently... eeek

[Art_Critic]

She hasn't called yet... but I felt the need to come on here again as no-one has posted other than me.

 

I think papercut has given you great advice.. The problem is that you are not following it..

 

As far as nobody posting.. well.. you criticize each person who posts advice that is on target but advice that you do not want to hear..

You my friend are a victim of yourself...

 

How about rereading your thread.. there is a ton of advice for you to follow

[Art_Critic]

also, let me add that if you are negative,and you believe that its over etc,

 

I'm pretty positive it is over...

[likestolaugh]

Yes, the advice is positive, but it isn't in any way realistic at all. You're too stubborn to see past what you yourself want to see. Whatever. I'm done giving advice to someone who can't see both sides of the picture.

 

 

my advice *can* be realistic, but it all depends on the situation. Unlike what many here believe, these situations aren't *always* always black and white. Often, I'm sure they are, and there's a good chance it may be in this case as well. I'm just saying... never say never. But just don't obsess about the maybe.

 

my experience is similar but different, but I'm keeping possibilities open (and I've told her this), but I can enjoy being friends with the girl. It also never hurts to get to know the person even better. You never know... you may learn that she's not the one for you after all.

[xpaperxcutx]

my advice *can* be realistic, but it all depends on the situation. Unlike what many here believe, these situations aren't *always* always black and white. Often, I'm sure they are, and there's a good chance it may be in this case as well. I'm just saying... never say never. But just don't obsess about the maybe.

 

my experience is similar but different, but I'm keeping possibilities open (and I've told her this), but I can enjoy being friends with the girl. It also never hurts to get to know the person even better. You never know... you may learn that she's not the one for you after all.

 

Sorry if you misinterpret but i wasn't calling you stubborn, my response was partially directed at the OP.

 

I know these situations aren't always black and white and certain ones calls for second chances. But if you've read any of the OP's posts, he's misinterpreting his interactions with the girl as something he wants to see. And he is obsessed since he's dreaming about her. Also notice that he keeps writing he doesn't like her all that much and has already deleted her number, yet he's trying to ask for so- called " strategies" to win her back, when he never really had her in the first place. What does that tell you about him?

[sptu]

probably he realised how much he likes her now that he lost her...