BrianG Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Hello all, I have not posted in a bit. I have NC with my ex of 5 yrs. for 4 months now. Out ot the blue i get a myspace message. I just delete it and dont bother reading it. So a few days pass and I just get this text message. "Hey. Tried emailing you. Wanted to see how you were doing & not sure if you ever wanted to catch up. wasn't sure if you were ready or wanted to be friends but let me know. Either way hope your doing well! And maybe we can catch up before im moving. take care." I dont know how to respond. I didn't think she was moving or where she is moving. I love the girl too much and I still think of her everyday. I dont want to ignore her, but I dont know how to respond. I know I cant be friends with her so I dont know what to say. Any input would be greatly appreciated
vg6951 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 hey there. I was in a similar situation myself in terms of time together and time no contact. I would highly re ommend not talking or responding. I thought I was doing better and as soon as we talked again, I was back to day 1 I wish I was as strong as you and able to simply delete her messages. Best of luck to you!
wareagle Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 You say you still love her and have very strong feeling's for her and can't be her friend right now, then don't respond, why set yourself back? She is moving? That is probably a good thing for you if you want to heal yourself and move on! It's best that you don't know where she is moving, or anything else that is going on in her life! She is throwing you a bone, don't pick it up, she probably wants to rub it in your face how great her life has been since you two split? This being said I said I have not read your background on who broke who's heart or how it happened? But my guess is she broke yours?
CaliGuy Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I agree with wareagle. She's fishing -- tossing out breadcrumbs to see if you will respond. You would serve yourself well to delete these messages. She isn't saying "I screwed up, I made a mistake, I am sorry and I want to try again." She is simply fishing for an ego boost because she hasn't heard from you in a while. And why should you care if she is moving? That has nothing to do with you. In fact, it might even be a GOOD thing.
kizik Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 "Catch up"? What is with chicks using that phrase. Catch the wind of me passing you by... bee-otch.
Author BrianG Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 Your right guys. She was not saying what I wanted to hear and she is moving anyway. I would like to be her friend, but I know its not possible because of how I feel. Just sucks thats all. Moving on has been very difficult and I still miss her a ton. I just keep having to tell myself that I dont have a choice and that I deserve someone that wants to be with me. Everytime i think about this I get upset, wondering if that will ever stop. Thanks everyone
Angel1111 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 A guy texted something to me recently and I didn't quite know how to take it so I asked a friend what she thought he was saying. Her response was, "It's not what he's saying, it's what he's not saying." I think the same applies here. But if she's having a serious panic attack about moving and losing you, she knows where you live. Making these vague comments about being friends is just dumb. She needs to do better than that. But I would guess that she's not really talking about being friends. And I also think that your continued silence is going to really knock her for a loop. She's getting a taste of her own medicine.
Author BrianG Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 I use my cellphone for both work and personal and she called from a number I didn't recognize so i answered and we got talking and she said that it sucks that we cannot be friends and can't catch up before she moves to California in two months. I told her that I dont think its a good idea because I still have feelings for her and it wouldn't be fair to either one of us. Apparently both of us are not entirely over the relationship either. However, she just wants to be friends. I dont see the point she is moving in 2 months and I get upset afterwards anytime we talk. It was good hearing her voice, but now I miss it, so the convo did set me back a little. Don't get me wrong it would be nice to see her, but I dont think being friends or catching up before she leaves is going to do me anygood. Am I wrong in thinking this? Second- guessing my decision
Angel1111 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I don't really see what the point is in seeing one another since she's moving away. But if you want to keep in touch in some way, then why not agree to email one another sometimes and leave it at that.
Author BrianG Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 I am trying to move on with my life and I see any further contact with her a detriment to moving on since i get hurt and upset everytime we talk even after 8 months of being apart after 5 years. I dont plan on ever contacting her again. She was my best friend but i guess your right there is no point since she is moving away. It would have been nice to see her one last time, but i know it would only hurt me and I need to look out of whats best for me now.
Ronni_W Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I dont think being friends or catching up before she leaves is going to do me anygood. Since you are just brainstorming your options, another way to look at meeting her before she moves is: 'How much HARM will it do me to meet?' versus 'Am I maybe gonna regret it if I DON'T meet?' Cos the other side is that you might end up sitting there kicking yourself for 3 months regretting that you didn't go -- run it through from a "least harm" view, and see if that helps you any. About the longer-term, being friends thing -- yeah, sounds like you're pretty clear that it's not a good option for you yet.
Author BrianG Posted August 6, 2008 Author Posted August 6, 2008 Ronni, Still weighing both sides of your advice. She made the choice to leave me so I'm weighing on the side not to meet her because I deserve to be with someone that wants to be with me. If i thought seeing her would change anything I'd be there in a heartbeat, but she has already decided to move to California so I dont think it would sway anything in her mind and only serve to upset me. Hell i have been taken down a couple of notches (not back to square one) but I admit I cried today after talking to her yesterday. It hurts too much to hear whats going on her life knowing that I am not a part of it. Word to the wise. Try not to break NC. it will just upset you if you haven't moved on and they have.
Ronni_W Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Brian, your most recent post is strongly suggesting AGAINST going to see her before she moves. I'd suggest "brainstorming sessions" are concluded due to decision being made. For sure it would be totally unwise, even to point of foolishness, to expose your heart to what sounds will be the likely outcome. All the best with dealing with your current struggles...it sucks, I know. (((hugs)))
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