jj33 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 How do they do it? They compartmentalize. They play their role at home, with us etc etc etc. Being in an A means not really being fully present in any relationship you are in - others may disagree but that is how I see it. You are always hiding something from someone. I had lunch with someone today - a man who is leaving his wife. He said for years he thought that was how everybody lived - compartmentalizing everything. Then he fell in love and he had a harder and harder time compartmentalizing. The OW eventually left him and he realized what he lost. He decided that compartmentalizing hurt every area of his life and that I tell ex MM to consider professional help (cant really do that) because its just not a good way to live with all the compartmentalizing and denial. So now he is going to leave. Fresh start not leaving for anyone just leaving for himself. The OW is with someone new and she is happy. Seeing them together last winter you couldnt imagine them with anyone other than each other. But she has moved on and now he will too. So its not easy for the MMs in these situations either. But they have to come to terms with their feelings and their goals in their own time. It sounds like yours is deadset in keeping his marriage going for whatever reason. He doesnt want to let it go. And the question is how long are you willing to put yourself through this waiting and hoping he will change his mind? I would say you have a better chance of success if you leave. Right now you are only making his marriage more palatable. If you leave you have a chance to move on and either he will move with you or he wont. If he does great. If he does not then at least you have pulled yourself out of a hurtful situation. Take good care. I know how difficult it is. so easy to give advice to others so painful when you are going through it yourself.
Recommended Posts