spike7165 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Ok brief story, Split up from ex about 9 months ago, she started seeing someone else, mostly my fault, grumpy, passive agressive nice guy type..She wanted to keep seeing me and although I was hurt I didnt stop her or do no contact. We also kept making love. Since Jan she has sworn that she is only making love to me and whether I believe that or not she is now on the point of splitting with the guy she left me for. She says that she loves me and does call pretty much every day, I see her a lot and she makes an effort to see me even when its difficult. I've grown up a lot even though I'm 33 I feel emotionally a lot younger and recognized that the break up was a lot of my fault, but she shouldnt have cheated and in some slightly messed up way from talking to her friends she has been hoping all along that I would sort myself out and be the man she first met again. So the other guy was just a rebound basically...... So now, I am trying to get a new job which will enable her to move out and back to me because she has a young son and I'm currently in a small apartment she cant just move.... So anyway the problem I have is that she has given me so much help in what she wants and is looking for, for example giving her space, not controlling her, not asking her what she is doing all the time etc etc....but for some stupid reason I keep messing it up! I don't seem to be able to stop being clingy....it's driving me crazy. From what I see she is taking an adult maybe slightly distant attitude sometimes because she is scared of being back with me and opening her heart completely to me again but she is open in that she says she does love me and we spend quality time together and make love but I say she has a more adult attitude because we have known each other for 3 years and she wants to get on with her day to day life and sometimes she said she gets a bit sad and wants a day not talking to anyone but then I go and hassle her wondering why she is not calling. Sorry for rambling I guess she seems distant to me sometimes but is maybe testing whether I can give her freedom, actually she has said she wants that but loves me, but for some reason I cant stop being clingy...... I dont want to mess this up, I know I am so close to getting her back but if I mess it up she could easily just find someone completely new. I think she basically like anyone wants a mature relationship thats open and free to be yourself but I keep putting my foot in it....any ideas whats going on and what I can do about it? Thanks
journey1 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Just completely go NC (NO CONTACT). You need to make some decisions here. I am a girl and I know that I personally do not like when a guy gives me everything I want. I like when he has his own opinion and idea of what is important to him. So you should say I am not comfortable havng sex with you while you are having sex with someone else. You should also tell her that she can have him because you are done with her BS. She will be shocked because after all you are the nice guy. Best of Luck to you. I think the Nc will work since you havent tried it before
luna3 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 sounds like she just had a fling. if you're clear she really wants you, then just go for it. what exactly is "being clingy"? the only point in the message above that i agree with is that you need to stand up and state your preferences. if you allow her to walk all over you, that isn't going to keep the sexual tension alive for very long. be manly, but tell her what you want and expect from this. that isn't being clingy, it's being strong. if you want her, and are sure that the other thing was only a phase, make it clear to her. as for moving in...that's way too soon. if you both can stand financially on your own for now, i would recommend reconnecting mentally and emotionally and re-establishing trust before you take the financial step. good luck!
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