aubree1982 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 My guy and I recently got back together we dated for a few months about a year ago and things were really hot and heavy between us. We jumped right into a relationships with each other and started telling each other we loved each other after only two months. Well, it was bad timeing for both of us and we went our separate ways. He initiated us getting back together about 2-3 months ago and we decided we wanted to take things really slow this time around because we both really wanted it to work out. My problem is we go days at a time without talking to each other. I don't mind a day here and there with no contact but it seems to me that he would want to call me or text me or something. I called him on Thursday and we chatted for a few minutes then on friday I sent him a message on facebook saying he was welcome to come hang out with my daughter and I any time over the weekend or this next week. But I still haven't heard from him. I don't want to be the only one who calls or initates contact. Does anyone else find this odd? Is he brushing me off? I'm starting to get frustrated like maybe he doesn't even want to be in a relationship! I know he's not much for talking on the phone and that's fine but a simple text saying "hows your day" or whatever would be nice. I want to talk to him about this but don't want to sound too needy, because I'm far from being "needy". What should I say to him, if anything or do I wait a little longer and see if things continue like they have been?
carhill Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1732000&postcount=1 Hmmm.... Not feeling confident here....
norajane Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 This could be his idea of really slow. Open communication is important if you want to make this work this time. Next time you see him, ask him to clarify what he meant by going really slow, what his thoughts are on how often he'd like to get together, and tell him your thoughts on the subject. You both need to be clear on this issue and agree on the terms.
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 He isn't sure about you. And, this isn't about just you anymore, since you have a child, he has to think about that as well. You should too because the last thing you need to deal with is not only your heart break, but your child's as well. If he isn't ready to handle this, then give him space. Let him contact you. The more you contact him, the less effort he will make and you won't know either way.
porter218 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I think he is still dating other people and that is why he doesn't talk to you that much. Your last post mixed with this post definitely leads me to beleive that.
Honymoon Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Do anybody knows a website where I can down load books about this topic? , I have a similar problem with the guy I am going ou?
Capricciosa Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Couldn't be that he is just trying to set the pace he is comfortable with? The only time I go crazy when someone is not contacting me is when I don't know where I stand. And sometimes I prefer not to have every day contact, which makes me feel like I'm being checked up on. If I know someone is into me, I am just fine without hearing from him for a few days. I guess this is what you need to clarify--where you stand. If you knew this, would you be ok with the pace or do you need that daily contact?
bigmanpayne Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I think he is still dating other people and that is why he doesn't talk to you that much. Your last post mixed with this post definitely leads me to beleive that. no doubt. 2-3 days, get real. he just wants to keep you around just in case. just in case he really loves you, just in case another relationship doesnt work out, just in case you started liking someone else etc....
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 It's impossible to tell what his issues are but most definitely, let him initiate contact. You've asked to spend time with him and if he can't pick up the phone for a two minute phone call to confirm or respond in some online way, is he really sufficiently invested? Time for you to review how much you want to put into this, if he's not reciprocating your affection.
Jilly Bean Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Aubree - is this the same guy who said all those things about not finding you attractive and that he had some connection with another woman that he found more attractive? If so, isn't it obvious why he's not calling?
Author aubree1982 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 What I don't get is why did he change his relationship status to in a relationship with me on facebook a week or so ago? It just baffles me that he considers this a relationship when we rarely talk. And no I don't need every day communication but every couple days would be nice. I don't think he's seeing someone else because he's not that type of guy but I definately don't feel the passion from him like we used to have together. He told me that he loves spending time with me so why is he so distant? He's never really been that great about asking me to do things and I did encourage him to spend tons of time with his friends because I want him to be fully ready for a relationship. So when I see him next time how should I bring this all up without sounding like a b*tch.
torranceshipman Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I think you'll come off as a doormat if you DON'T say anything...and are you sure he is referring to you with his Facebook status change to 'girlfriend'...I mean, you don't see eachother much or act like a couple. Could he be referring to another girl? I'd lay it out there immediately and see what he says-being upfront is always the best way.
stillafool Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Aubree, it seems you have more problems with this guy. Are you really sure you are in a relationship with him or are you two dating and he's seeing other people?
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 If he's happy with less contact and you need more, you can only discuss it with him. Approach him with how this makes you feel instead of pointing out his flaws in a negative fashion. Neither style of relationship is wrong, just a difference in preference. Best case scenario is that the two of you will find a compromise in the amount of time to spend together. Worst case scenario is that the two of you realize this is a serious compatibility issue and know it will continue eroding on your relationship. Never sit and allow resentments like this to fester. They'll only get worse.
norajane Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 So when I see him next time how should I bring this all up without sounding like a b*tch. I'll quote myself since you missed it: This could be his idea of really slow. Open communication is important if you want to make this work this time. Next time you see him, ask him to clarify what he meant by going really slow, what his thoughts are on how often he'd like to get together, and tell him your thoughts on the subject. You both need to be clear on this issue and agree on the terms.
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