Tomcat33 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Yes TC. XMM has caused me so much pain - it makes no sense to keep pursing things with him though. He has destroyed me totally and I could never go back to the A it would kill me. I am waiting for the gravity of it all to hit my H as it hasnt yet and im fully expecting him to leave me or have a payback A. At the moment all i know is that the A destroyed me and i never want to go through that again. As for feelings - trying to block everything out. Funny you posted this I saw the last post you made in JJ33's thread, and I was just thinking to myself, ok she doesn't have straight answers right now but at least in talking to others I see she is thinking of things. Things I propostioned her about in this thread. This is good and one step further than where you were yesterday!! This that you just posted here is a breakthrough in terms of what you had said earlier. NOW you are taking ownership of your emotions, of your actions, of your responsibility to the outcome of what you want to do as per your own emotions, not what your H or OM are pushing you to do on their behalf. It is a big change from "there is no better reason to maintain NC than my H knowing about the affair" In one instance you were acting through inertia of circumstance, now you are acting through conviction of what is best for you. You are taking an active role in your decisions. This is exactly what I wanted you to consider and you did it all on your own. XMM has caused me so much pain - it makes no sense to keep pursing things with him though. He has destroyed me totally and I could never go back to the A it would kill me. You need to do this for you Astra, your H will be taken care of if you work on yourself first. Focus on what you want. I like this, I like this very much, keep on this train of thinking Astra now you are taking control and making your path. Conviction is your best friend right now and it is the "magic answer" otherwise known as resistance. When you own conviction, temptation is not as dangerous. You are never immune to it but you are definitely better equipt to handle it
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