Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I just went on a "date" with a guy I met online. I haven't done this for a while. I was worried that he would be a big dork because he looked kind of dorky in his pictures. However, I chatted very easily with him on the phone so I decided it was worth a shot. We met for coffee, and yes, he was a bit on the dorky side. However, I really enjoyed talking to him. I felt an instant rapport and we both had a lot to talk about. It was very easy to be around this guy. I told some funny stories and he did the same. We talked about travel, and found out we had both been in Barcelona at the same time last year. I went to the bathroom and when I came back the check was there. He paid. I thought things were going well so I was a little surprised he didn't want to get another round. Then we left and he walked me back to my neighborhood. I said it was really nice to meet him and I hope he has a good time on his upcoming vacation. He said, yes, great to meet you, and gave me an awkward hug. Then, that was it! We went our separate ways. I was really surprised he didn't say anything like, can I give you a call when I get back? Then again, I don't have much experience with online dating so I guess I don't know how it works. When I read this is sounds like he just isn't interested, but if you were a fly on the wall, you would have thought that there was a lot of chemistry there. I had on a nice outfit and I'm considered to be attractive by many men. Yes, I brushed my teeth and took a shower too! Thoughts?
Jilly Bean Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Who knows, CB. No way to really know why he gave you the bums rush. Maybe he got a booty call from some chick while you were in the loo, maybe his ex walked by the table with another guy, maybe, maybe. It was only one date. I think when casually dating, it's always good to keep a lot of balls in the air so that missteps like this don't become as impactful as we let them be. And who's to say he won't call you again anyhow! OLD is always full of surprises...
jerbear Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Hey Cherry Blossom, My gut instinct is he didn't feel any chemistry and wanted the date to end earlier. If you like him, I would contact him for date #2, regardless of who asked who out.
Trialbyfire Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Odd. There's no way to guess what happened to make him end the date so soon. What's your preference Cherry? Alphas or a more relaxed kind of guy? If you prefer the former like I do, let him make the next move.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 TBF-I like it when the guy takes some control in the beginning. So I guess that's an Alpha? Don't you think it is funny how you can be feeling chemistry with someone, but then it turns out they don't feel the same way? It's like, wow, I thought he was digging me. Oh well, who knows. I'm not feeling bad about this, just a little disappointed because I was pleasantly surprised to see that we could talk so easily. I sent him an email to thank him for picking up the tab. I'm gonna leave it at that.
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Cherry, I'll give you my definition of an Alphamale. A man who knows what he wants in life and has the confidence and lack of fear to go after it. More often than not, he will get it because of his determination. A more relaxed guy will tentatively test the waters. An alpha will walk right in and take over. It doesn't mean he quashes all resistance or is overly-controlling. He just makes good, solid decisions and people follow, including myself.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 Cherry, I'll give you my definition of an Alphamale. A man who knows what he wants in life and has the confidence and lack of fear to go after it. More often than not, he will get it because of his determination. A more relaxed guy will tentatively test the waters. An alpha will walk right in and take over. It doesn't mean he quashes all resistance or is overly-controlling. He just makes good, solid decisions and people follow, including myself. Ok, that's what I like too!
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Ok, that's what I like too!What I've found works best, for both this type of man and myself, is to never pursue. That doesn't mean you don't encourage his contact. What I've noticed is that the more relaxed guy has insecurities. He's worried about rejection so he will need you to pursue him sometimes. Alphas don't seem to care. They know what they want and keep at it, where rejection seems to be the last thing to cross their minds and if it does happen, it's like water off a ducks back.
daphne Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I think this is where I've gotten dating wrong. I keep dating the damn relaxed guys, but I prefer a bit more alpha. Cos I'm not chasing anyone and the insecure guys are tools to deal with.
johan Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 If you were giving him "I'm really easy" signals with all your showering and toothbrushing, then maybe he decided you aren't the girl for him. Not all guys are out for sex, you know.
Angel1111 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 If a guy doesn't pursue me then we'll never be together. On the other hand, I've never seen this as a problem. This is the first I've heard of this Alpha male theory but it's totally on the mark as to what I look for. These men are awesome. I think the guy you went out with probably doesn't know what to do and maybe he's used to women making the move because he won't do it. Or the other poster may have been correct in saying that the guy just wasn't interested. I think your thank you email was ok but I agree with the others, don't contact him again. This doesn't sound like the kind of guy you want to be with anyway, even if you did connect on some level. I have a guy friend like this but I could never be with him. He's way too non-Alpha. Makes me nuts.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 If you were giving him "I'm really easy" signals with all your showering and toothbrushing, then maybe he decided you aren't the girl for him. Not all guys are out for sex, you know. Hahahaha, Johan. Not only did I brush my teeth, I flossed as well. I am a dental hygienist, after all. Gotta practice what I preach.
Jake Barnes Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 If you were giving him "I'm really easy" signals with all your showering and toothbrushing, then maybe he decided you aren't the girl for him. Not all guys are out for sex, you know.I know what you mean with these sluts who brush their teeth and shower and smell good and then they go out in public like that Disgraceful! Back in the old country women never even looked at a bar of soap until after theyd been sold to a cousin
Angel1111 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 If you were giving him "I'm really easy" signals with all your showering and toothbrushing, then maybe he decided you aren't the girl for him. Not all guys are out for sex, you know. Uh, isn't it common for anyone to shower and brush their teeth before going on a date? And some guys see this as being easy? You're being funny, right?
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 If a guy doesn't pursue me then we'll never be together. On the other hand, I've never seen this as a problem. This is the first I've heard of this Alpha male theory but it's totally on the mark as to what I look for. These men are awesome. I think the guy you went out with probably doesn't know what to do and maybe he's used to women making the move because he won't do it. Or the other poster may have been correct in saying that the guy just wasn't interested. I think your thank you email was ok but I agree with the others, don't contact him again. This doesn't sound like the kind of guy you want to be with anyway, even if you did connect on some level. I have a guy friend like this but I could never be with him. He's way too non-Alpha. Makes me nuts. I wouldn't draw the conclusion that he's either not interested or a non-alpha. But... Most certainly, I wouldn't pursue. Let him come to you.
Lizzie60 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 It seems like he waived the waiter while you were in the washroom to pay for the check.. like wanting to get out of the date ASAP... odd.. I guess he wasn't too interested.. otherwise he would have shown some signs of 'interest' or say something about the date or to see you again. Strange.. but I say.. move on...
johan Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Disgraceful! Body odor and a burkha. THAT's how you know you have a keeper.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 I think the guy you went out with probably doesn't know what to do and maybe he's used to women making the move because he won't do it. Or the other poster may have been correct in saying that the guy just wasn't interested. I think your thank you email was ok but I agree with the others, don't contact him again. Yeah, I don't plan on it. I would have sent the email regardless, because it was nice of him to pay for the tab.
Angel1111 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I know what you mean with these sluts who brush their teeth and shower and smell good and then they go out in public like that Disgraceful! Back in the old country women never even looked at a bar of soap until after theyd been sold to a cousin Ok, hubba hubba was being funny. I was worried there for a second. Do you know why most weddings used to take place in June? Because the month of May was the month that people took their yearly baths and they wanted to be clean for their wedding night. Give or take a month or so...
Angel1111 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Yeah, I don't plan on it. I would have sent the email regardless, because it was nice of him to pay for the tab. Yep, that always deserves a thank you. I suppose you brushed your teeth before you sent the email, too, didin't you, little hussy?
shadowplay Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Yeah, I don't plan on it. I would have sent the email regardless, because it was nice of him to pay for the tab. This reminds me of my date with Mr. Harvard, except it sounds like you guys had a bit more chemistry. But they have in common the dorkiness and cold exit after what seemed like a fine date. Like you I was left scratching my head after. I'm pretty sure I came off as confident and intelligent, and I'm attractive. I guess we'll never know what's going on in their heads. Sucks.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 Yep, that always deserves a thank you. I suppose you brushed your teeth before you sent the email, too, didin't you, little hussy? Yeah, I'm easy like that. With a Sonicare, no less. It really turned me on. It does vibrate, ya know.
Angel1111 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Yeah, I'm easy like that. With a Sonicare, no less. It really turned me on. It does vibrate, ya know. I'm sure it does....with numerous attachments, no doubt.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Posted August 4, 2008 This reminds me of my date with Mr. Harvard, except it sounds like you guys had a bit more chemistry. But they have in common the dorkiness and cold exit after what seemed like a fine date. Like you I was left scratching my head after. I'm pretty sure I came off as confident and intelligent, and I'm attractive. I guess we'll never know what's going on in their heads. Sucks. Yeah, I read that thread. Maybe they are just blown away by our blinding beauty, intimidating intellect, and sparkling personalities...? Maybe they couldn't cross that force field that surrounds us as we go about our business? That must be it. But seriously, there are some similarities there.
shadowplay Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Yeah, I read that thread. Maybe they are just blown away by our blinding beauty, intimidating intellect, and sparkling personalities...? Maybe they couldn't cross that force field that surrounds us as we go about our business? That must be it. But seriously, there are some similarities there. Lol...That's what I keep telling myself!
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