blueeyedgurl Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I was revently married in May. I already feel like I've made a huge mistake in doing this. I have cheated on my new husband almost since when we first started dating. We have been together for a little over 3 years and I've also been with this other man for about 2 of them. I stopped seeing him about 11 months before I got married and thought that I could walk away from him. But we recently have gotten back together. I am very much in love with him, and wish that I had married him. I didn't due to family and societal pressures. He is everything that I want in a relationship and a man. I feel angry and annoyed all the time with my current husband. I think I made a mistake when i married him. I'm really afraid of being stuck in a bad marriage. I feel like I'm suffocating in our relationship. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I feel like I've been brainwashed into one of those southern women that fetch for their husbands while they sit on the couch and watch football. I feel like I have all the responsibility in the relationship. I have to remind him to do things around the house...every freaking week! That annoys me. I've expressed to him what I want and if its not what he wants its like it just doesn't matter. And I get stuck saying okay whatever you want to do honey. I hate that! I feel like we have the same conversations over and over. Everytime I get mad at him and tell him he needs to start doing something, it works for about 2 weeks then it's back to same old same old. So, it just keeps building and building. Then there is football season...just a really big issue in and of itself. Why must I explain constantly that football is not the most important thing in the world. That family is more important than football! Then there is sex. Honestly, hardly ever more than once a week! Okay, he was a virgin when we met. So you would think that he would want to have sex all the time! But no....he's too tired, or he doesn't feel good, or I'm watching this movie, etc. I don't know what else to think other than he's gay. I mean every other guy that I have ever been with has wanted to rip my clothes off at every chance. I am not an ugly person! Passion should not be a chore. And what about when we have kids? If sex is rare now...it will be non-exsistent after a baby! And is he really going to help? Or am I going to have to do it all myself? Am I going to have to drive to the hospital myself because he'll be too busy watching football or too panicked to make an informed decision? I really just don't know what to do. I really don't know if I want to work things out with my husband. I've talk to him about all of our problems before and it just doesnt seem to help. I feel like since I've been with someone else for sooo long, why did I get married. Obviously, it was not meant to be. Any suggestions would be helpful...
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I think you owe your husband the truth and a divorce. It's obvious that you shouldn't have married him and you don't seem to love him, or respect him. He deserves a shot at finding a woman who will love and adore him, not cheat on him. Maybe he's just as miserable as you are. Don't even entertain thoughts of having children with him - That will not fix your marriage, it'll make it worse. You have two choices - Fix your marriage by going to marriage counselling or divorce. Cheating on him isn't the answer! You've been lying and betraying him for 2 years, and who knows, maybe he KNOWS that you're cheating or has some suspicion. Please get checked for STD's, godforbid you've given your H something.
norajane Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 You've been married less than 3 months - is it too late to get an annulment? If it's too late, get a divorce. Now. The way you've described it, this marriage will only get worse and worse with time. Why did you marry someone you were never that into in the first place, especially when there was someone else that you actually were into? You said you felt that you couldn't marry the other guy, but why did that mean you had to marry someone else? You don't have to be married to be with someone you love.
LakesideDream Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Annulment !! Just tell your new "husband" that you are happily banging with your "true love" and that you want to "undo" your mistaken marriage. Chances are great that he will agree with you completely. You shouldn't be married to this man. Like every decent person he does not deserve to be treated like you are treating him. Make it go away!
citysreetz Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 Sorry to be so blunt BUT leave and stop wasting your husbands time! You are a very selfish person. Just being blunt, not spiteful.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I was revently married in May. I already feel like I've made a huge mistake in doing this. I have cheated on my new husband almost since when we first started dating. We have been together for a little over 3 years and I've also been with this other man for about 2 of them. I stopped seeing him about 11 months before I got married and thought that I could walk away from him. But we recently have gotten back together. I am very much in love with him, and wish that I had married him. I didn't due to family and societal pressures. He is everything that I want in a relationship and a man. GET A DIVORCE! Jeeze... life isn't that hard! Do the right thing for once in your life!
soda Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 My suggestion is that you own up to the fact that you are not a very good person or relationship partner. You were cheating before you married...yet, you marrried him. Why? Stop focusing on his shortcomings. You have a lifetime's worth of your own issues to address before you're ready for another serious relationships. To be honest, you sound the like the Bradley Fighting Vehicle of relationship partners. I encourage you to seek some IC before you enter into another serious relationship. It will be be beneficial to you and your future mate. Get a divorce first. You owe this to yourself and to your mate. Stop wasting his time. He's probably not putting anything into the relationship because he's somewhat aware that he got ripped off at the dealership. Seriously, you married a guy when you were already cheating on him? Why did you bother? Did you feel chills when you said your vows...or just guilt? I was revently married in May. I already feel like I've made a huge mistake in doing this. I have cheated on my new husband almost since when we first started dating. We have been together for a little over 3 years and I've also been with this other man for about 2 of them. I stopped seeing him about 11 months before I got married and thought that I could walk away from him. But we recently have gotten back together. I am very much in love with him, and wish that I had married him. I didn't due to family and societal pressures. He is everything that I want in a relationship and a man. I feel angry and annoyed all the time with my current husband. I think I made a mistake when i married him. I'm really afraid of being stuck in a bad marriage. I feel like I'm suffocating in our relationship. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I feel like I've been brainwashed into one of those southern women that fetch for their husbands while they sit on the couch and watch football. I feel like I have all the responsibility in the relationship. I have to remind him to do things around the house...every freaking week! That annoys me. I've expressed to him what I want and if its not what he wants its like it just doesn't matter. And I get stuck saying okay whatever you want to do honey. I hate that! I feel like we have the same conversations over and over. Everytime I get mad at him and tell him he needs to start doing something, it works for about 2 weeks then it's back to same old same old. So, it just keeps building and building. Then there is football season...just a really big issue in and of itself. Why must I explain constantly that football is not the most important thing in the world. That family is more important than football! Then there is sex. Honestly, hardly ever more than once a week! Okay, he was a virgin when we met. So you would think that he would want to have sex all the time! But no....he's too tired, or he doesn't feel good, or I'm watching this movie, etc. I don't know what else to think other than he's gay. I mean every other guy that I have ever been with has wanted to rip my clothes off at every chance. I am not an ugly person! Passion should not be a chore. And what about when we have kids? If sex is rare now...it will be non-exsistent after a baby! And is he really going to help? Or am I going to have to do it all myself? Am I going to have to drive to the hospital myself because he'll be too busy watching football or too panicked to make an informed decision? I really just don't know what to do. I really don't know if I want to work things out with my husband. I've talk to him about all of our problems before and it just doesnt seem to help. I feel like since I've been with someone else for sooo long, why did I get married. Obviously, it was not meant to be. Any suggestions would be helpful...
GPFan Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 But we recently have gotten back together. I am very much in love with him, and wish that I had married him. I didn't due to family and societal pressures. He is everything that I want in a relationship and a man. The biggest and most profound betrayal of all betrayals is, in my opinion, self-betrayal. Now you have a mess on your hands and some very tough lessons ahead of you. You must be true to yourself above all others; nothing else will ever work. Always! Divorce your Husband, apologise to everyone including the man you truly love, and move forward with your life as you should have from the first. You aren't the first nor the last person to engage in self-betrayal, it is a mistake most of us make especially early in life. I wish you well and hope that events unfold as smoothly as could be hoped for.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Then there is sex. Honestly, hardly ever more than once a week! You mean your Husband is only having sex once a week, right? Sounds like you're having it more often than that... Mr. Lucky
LifesontheUp Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I'm going to be blunt.......... All I get from your post is "me me me". Why don't you stop for once and think about how your husband is feeling. Ever thought that the way you are carrying on and behaving is having an adverse effect on him? Do you even care about that? I'm afraid you have issues that are clearly YOURS and not as a result of your husband. Even if you did take up with your OM, then who knows whether you would start to feel the same in that relationship as you do now in your current marriage. Sorry but from your post I can understand why your husband doesn't want sex with you........look at how you are behaving.
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