Why does she keep snooping??? Porn and other woman

[annieo]

By the way, I was chatting at work with a few male colleagues recently, and one of them was going on about how hot Helen Mirren and Judi Dench were. He was absolutely serious, and I have to agree: they are looking good. There is a market out there, slim and marginalized as it may be.

[morelaugh]

Assuming here, that he continues to be kind to you but that he's just no longer physically aroused by your aging face and body due to how men are programmed by mother nature, what will you do then?

My H has always been very ‘into’ me sexually and it seems that he doesn’t even notice all those changes I was talking about, so I can’t really envisage that. I firmly believe that huge part of sexual attractiveness is how you act and feel and many other things, not only the way you look. I am also not convinced about the programming you’re talking about – if that was true, only young good looking people would have sex and that is not the case.

 

But, of course, it could happen.

 

What would I do? It’s really something you can’t possibly know until it happens to you. I wouldn't feel great about it, but if everything else is fine, I guess I would stay married, maybe found someone else for sex.

 

I guess, we’ll cross that bridge when / if we come to it.

[soserious1]

I'd probably find myself a boyfriend. On the qt.

 

I briefly considered that option but rejected it as it wasn't honest. I like to deal in reality and our reality was that my ex was/is very much hardwired in terms of whom he's sexually attracted to and aroused by. It didn't start out as a mean or cruel thing, we went for 3-4 years with him making excuses, trying to be nice about it before the full truth came out.

 

I asked for an open marriage but in thinking it over am glad that he rejected the idea... our problems grew to the point that I couldn't even bear to look at him because the thought was always there... my husband doesn't want me, he finds me to be sexually unattractive. It was soul killing to be rejected over physical changes I had no control over and couldn't fix. Every time he'd say something nice to me I wanted to scream "liar" at him.

 

At it's most basic, he didn't sit there and make a choice to not be able to be aroused by me physically, he just wasn't, those little man wires that operate the penis would take one look at me and say " old woman,no go"

 

It was nobody's fault, just mother nature at work making sure the species gets propagated.

[morelaugh]

I briefly considered that option but rejected it as it wasn't honest. I like to deal in reality and our reality was that my ex was/is very much hardwired in terms of whom he's sexually attracted to and aroused by. It didn't start out as a mean or cruel thing, we went for 3-4 years with him making excuses, trying to be nice about it before the full truth came out.

 

I asked for an open marriage but in thinking it over am glad that he rejected the idea... our problems grew to the point that I couldn't even bear to look at him because the thought was always there... my husband doesn't want me, he finds me to be sexually unattractive. It was soul killing to be rejected over physical changes I had no control over and couldn't fix. Every time he'd say something nice to me I wanted to scream "liar" at him.

 

At it's most basic, he didn't sit there and make a choice to not be able to be aroused by me physically, he just wasn't, those little man wires that operate the penis would take one look at me and say " old woman,no go"

 

It was nobody's fault, just mother nature at work making sure the species gets propagated.

It must be terribly painful for you, soserious.

Try to take it one day at the time. It can only get better from here.

[Jersey Shortie]

Sxynyccpl:

 

I don't know if anyone loves you or not, but I'm guessing your attitude has caused multiple relationship failures. Were I to find myself dating someone like you, I'd run so far and so fast it would make your head spin. I suspect you've experienced exactly that more than once.

 

I wasn't aware you knew what my attitude was. Have we met in real life?

 

ANd don't worry about that whole dating thing, I think I would have more fun playing in traffic then running into a relationship with you Sweetheart. Don't flatter yourself and think that I consider you a prize yourself.

 

 

 

It's not our job to be your shrink, or to fix what's wrong with you. Most guys are simply going to run for the hills when they encounter someone with your life outlook. It's easier to find someone new than to deal with women who are threatened by pictures because they have no self esteem.

 

I never said it was man's job to be a strink. It however is a man's job, for one that wants to be in a relationship, to be a good man who cares about his partners's feelings and needs. Just as she should for him. If a picture can cause strong feelings in you, enough for you to be sexually stimulated in some way, there is nothing far fetched about a picture causing other emotions in people and it is no less valid then the one it causes you for being sexually stimulated by it. The "it's just a picture" excuse becomse invalid with the amount of time and engergy most men spend defending it above that of a real woman. ANd I see it all the time in real life, and with some of the men here. The picture is obviously more important to most men. If you think there men should get a free pass for acting on their desirse to look at porn and have a somewhat emotional and physical response to something that is "Just a picture", but a woman should be so much mroe highly evovled to not think that the over inflated ideals men buy into shouldn't cause a woman to question her man, the you are not being logical.

 

 

 

I'm not trying to shame or divide anybody, merely stating a fact.

 

Be clear, you are stating your opinion. There is no fact in the prior claim you made. And trying to pass it off as such, with no real evidence to back it up, again, makes no sense.

 

Your average guy does not wish to associate with a woman who has such a small opinion of herself that pictures frighten her, nor one who has such an unhealthy relationship with their own sexuality that watching other people have sex is not a turn on.

 

Your average woman does not wish to associate with a man who has so a weak amount of self control and patheticallys spend his time staring at the glow of the tv/pc screen of some 18 year old girl with implants having sex then to engage with the real live woman with him and really learning what pleases her. And I think you are under the huge misconception that porn has any tie to how sexual or healthy a person is.

 

The bottom line is finding a man who will cheerfully accept your attitudes is going to be extremely difficult as those types of men are extremely rare. I certainly would never voluntarily affiliate myself in any way with someone like that.

 

 

You are right. It's etremely hard to find a good man because they are rare.

 

 

 

I think it's fairly obvious to anyone with even a modicum of common sense that insecurity is the root cause of anyone's issues with porn. Period. To attempt to deny that is akin to arguing that the sky isn't really blue.

 

As I already stated, yes part of of is a natural insecurity. Insecurity is just of as a natural emotion and reaction as feeling lust and excitment is. It however, is not the only issue when it omes to porn and most people are able to grasp that. Although, you are not oone of them.

 

 

I'm not saying that, not at all. Rather, I'm mocking you and your ideas. I find women with your attitudes towards sex and porn to be pathetic and unworthy of companionship. The reason you're so belligerant about it is because you know that so many men have the same attitude that I do that finding one who doesn't is probably frustrating the crap out of you.

 

Do you even know what my attitude about sex is to make such a nasty and small minded weak claim? You are pretty threatened by me aren't you. You assume that because of my ideas on porn that I don't know how to be fun and sexual and adventurous. I should give you the phone numbers of some of my exes to clear that up. My sexuality has never had to be tied to porn. YOu know nothing about my views and attitudes of sex. What you do know is what I tell you about my view and attitude of porn. POrn and sex are not the same things. And seriously, THANK GOD most men do not actually have the attitude you do. YOu don't seem to have an over whelming amount of kindess and consideration for females in general. I am sure you love and respect your wife but you seem to be more about your needs and wishes and desires then you would be of someone else.

 

 

Any guy who spends his time "clicking from one pic to another" when his wife comes home is a chump. His wife/gf would fit the same description should she do the same thing.

 

Are you suggesting that's what most men do ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Sometimes it's when his wife comes home, sometimes it's when she is in the next room, sometimes it's when she is alseep or off running their children to baseball practice. Sometimes it's when she doesn't feel good. Sometimes its the second she can't be there to fullfill his every whim and he can't use self control out of respect for=. ANd yes, that is what most men do. THey click from one pic to another and use whatever excuse that makes it seem okay. It doesn't just have to be when his wife comes home. Millions upon millions of men have a sexual relationship with their computer just as much as they do with their wife. It's pathetic. More men then ever are spending more time then ever looking at more porn of a more graphic nature. And these are the men that will be having families and relationships..or trying to have relationships with your daughters and vice versa. It's just all a big fat lie. Family? Wives? Daughters? Sons? At the end of a day the father in the park with this little girl and beautiful wife will be pulling out out to Horny Cheerleaders 500 because *that* is what men care about and that *that* is what men need over anything a good woman could provide him. On some level, nothing his wife ever does will ever be enough.

[Jersey Shortie]

Id also like to add, that today I was in the gym working out...stretching before my work ou tand I over heard a conversation between two guys and one talking about softcorn porn found on late night cable..just out in the open he dind't care who heard him. It's like men are proud of of themselves for it. Personally it makes me sad. How the heck are you really suppose to trust men. That's how it is now-a-days and most men do look at porn unfortunetly and it's not going to change and most women will be crap to men. Because nothing will ever be more exciting them threesomes of 20 year olds, implants, group sex, anals, facials of 20000000 different looking uploaded girls a day, then the one woman in your life. And men's desire for porn seems to override any compassion or heart they can feel for women in general.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Id also like to add, that today I was in the gym working out...stretching before my work ou tand I over heard a conversation between two guys and one talking about softcorn porn found on late night cable..just out in the open he dind't care who heard him. It's like men are proud of of themselves for it. Personally it makes me sad. How the heck are you really suppose to trust men. That's how it is now-a-days and most men do look at porn unfortunetly and it's not going to change and most women will be crap to men. Because nothing will ever be more exciting them threesomes of 20 year olds, implants, group sex, anals, facials of 20000000 different looking uploaded girls a day, then the one woman in your life. And men's desire for porn seems to override any compassion or heart they can feel for women in general.

 

Jersey...chill!

 

Seriously, porn does not have to affect YOUR life. Good God, woman, stick your fingers in your ears and repeat after me...LALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU.

 

Stop looking for porn-addicted men, and you'll stop finding them. Really. Non-issue for you, non-issue for your world.

[Jersey Shortie]

I dont look for or have porn addicted men in my life. But I have had men in my life that liked porn and it will always be something men use more consideration for then real women. As I have experienced in real life, and what I have heard posted here.

[Mr. Lucky]

Millions upon millions of men have a sexual relationship with their computer just as much as they do with their wife.

That's just not true, Jersey. You can keep posting it over and over and over again, but it's just not true. I know it might not seem fair, but Jersey's hurt feelings and bruised ego don't equal universal pain for man and womankind. Statements like the above don't leave you an ounce of credibility...

 

Mr. Lucky

[soserious1]

That's just not true, Jersey. You can keep posting it over and over and over again, but it's just not true. I know it might not seem fair, but Jersey's hurt feelings and bruised ego don't equal universal pain for man and womankind. Statements like the above don't leave you an ounce of credibility...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I don't know if I'd go so far as to cite the figure "millions" of men but online porn is right up there on the top ten lists of web sites that get the most hits and there have been a spat of articles recently about how porn is being cited as a problem being brought to divorce lawyers.

 

I've got no doubt there are more than a few guys who beat off in front of their computers far more often than they touch their frustrated partners.

 

Also, from my own experience I can tell you that in real time I've only been able to confide the real reason for my divorce to a couple of long time very trusted friends. I was shocked when my disclosure elicted disclosures on their parts regarding similar struggles in their own marriages. My lawyer informed that sexual issues/struggles are in the top 3 real reasons for divorce and that he's seen a real increase in cases where porn/web cam / adult friend finder factored into the problem.

 

 

It is shameful to have to admit that your partner finds you unattractive and would rather masterbate to images on a computer screen than to be with you and it wouldn't shock me in the least to know that this is a problem for a lot of couples that gets hidden under the ïrreconcilable differences heading both in the actual filing and socially.

[sxyNYCcpl]

I wasn't aware you knew what my attitude was. Have we met in real life?

 

Highly unlikely, though hypothetically possible given where we both live.

 

I never said it was man's job to be a strink. It however is a man's job, for one that wants to be in a relationship, to be a good man who cares about his partners's feelings and needs. Just as she should for him.

 

I agree with you. Never thought I'd say that.

 

If a picture can cause strong feelings in you, enough for you to be sexually stimulated in some way, there is nothing far fetched about a picture causing other emotions in people and it is no less valid then the one it causes you for being sexually stimulated by it.

 

That's where you lose me.

 

Are you suggesting that watching other people having sex, either live, via video, or still picture, is not sexually stimulating for some people? Only if they're so programmed to be repulsed by it that they can ignore their natural feelings. Brainwashing will do that.

 

The "it's just a picture" excuse becomse invalid with the amount of time and engergy most men spend defending it above that of a real woman.

 

Does that make it valid for men who don't "defend it above that of a real woman"? Whether you believe it or not, that does describe most users.

 

The picture is obviously more important to most men. If you think there men should get a free pass for acting on their desirse to look at porn and have a somewhat emotional and physical response to something that is "Just a picture", but a woman should be so much mroe highly evovled to not think that the over inflated ideals men buy into shouldn't cause a woman to question her man, the you are not being logical.

 

If that was my point, you'd be right, but it wasn't. I'm not saying women shouldn't be affected by stimulating images any more so or less so than men. I'm saying women, enlightened women, reject the stereotype that they are suppose to be sexually frigid because they reject the outdated notion that "good girls don't". By embracing their sexuality, instead of being frightened or threatened by porn, they realize it's potential for stimulation, enjoyment, and yes, even education, and are embracing it's use more and more. That clearly doesn't describe all women, if it did we wouldn't be having this conversation. However, the amount of women who meet that description have become so numerous that men can now reject those who don't and not have to worry about finding a needle in a haystack. So you can continue your pointless crusade to take society back to the dark ages, and in doing so find you are in such a small portion of the population that even finding a mate is next to impossible, or you can come out into the light where you'll learn you never had anything to worry about in the first place.

 

Your choice. Machts nicht to me.

 

Your average woman does not wish to associate with a man who has so a weak amount of self control and patheticallys spend his time staring at the glow of the tv/pc screen of some 18 year old girl with implants having sex then to engage with the real live woman with him and really learning what pleases her.

 

Guess what? I agree with you again! Twice in one post who woulda thunk it. What you've described here is not casual use, however, at best it's abuse, at worst a full blown addiction. In fact, it's the litmus test that I use to determine if porn is a problem for any individual couple. If it is preferred to the real thing, that's a problem. If the sex life is just fine, it's not.

 

As I already stated, yes part of of is a natural insecurity. Insecurity is just of as a natural emotion and reaction as feeling lust and excitment is.

 

Insecurity is not always a bad thing. In some relationships, it's wise to be insecure because in fact, for whatever reason, the relationship is in danger. However, if you find yourself in a good, solid relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you, seeing the boogey man behind every x-rated picture or video is just irrational paranoia.

 

Do you even know what my attitude about sex is to make such a nasty and small minded weak claim? You are pretty threatened by me aren't you. You assume that because of my ideas on porn that I don't know how to be fun and sexual and adventurous. I should give you the phone numbers of some of my exes to clear that up.

 

How many of your exes are exes because they decided not to put up with a paranoid control freak? More than one I'd venture. And no, I'm not threatened by you as an individual, but I do find the idea of our society slipping back into the puritanical ideas that you espouse troubling. I don't find that very realistic though, as the horse has pretty much left the barn. So do tell us about your wild (but definitely porn free) sexual adventures. If you're as open minded as you've implied, I'm sure posting details on an anonymous internet forum won't be a problem.

 

The way I figure it, if you don't like watching it, you probably don't like doing it.

 

THANK GOD most men do not actually have the attitude you do.

 

You sure about that? I'm not.

 

YOu don't seem to have an over whelming amount of kindess and consideration for females in general.

 

People who know me would disagree.

 

Millions upon millions of men have a sexual relationship with their computer just as much as they do with their wife. It's pathetic.

 

Apples and oranges. Casual use and addiction are two different animals, as I said previously. I'm not defending addiction, never would. To anything.

 

More men then ever are spending more time then ever looking at more porn of a more graphic nature.

 

And women.

[Jersey Shortie]

That's just not true, Jersey. You can keep posting it over and over and over again, but it's just not true. I know it might not seem fair, but Jersey's hurt feelings and bruised ego don't equal universal pain for man and womankind. Statements like the above don't leave you an ounce of credibility...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It is true. Alot of men do infact use porn in tandium with the real life relationships. How many men say they use porn? How many men use it inbetween time with their partners or want to use with their parters? Porn seems to be a part of men's sexuality. This is not about my hurt feelings or bruised ego. It's a fact. Porn is a billion dollar industry. Many men use it in conjecture with the real life relationships they have established. What is so far fetched or out there or makes me seem like I have no credibility to point out the obvious facts? You failing to aknowledge how many men do infact look at porn, doesn't mean it isn't true either.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you suggesting that watching other people having sex, either live, via video, or still picture, is not sexually stimulating for some people?

 

No. I don't even understand how you got that from the statement I posted.

 

 

 

Only if they're so programmed to be repulsed by it that they can ignore their natural feelings. Brainwashing will do that.

 

Brainwashing will also make people think things are acceptable that aren't. Advertising works for a reason. Porn works for alot of men for a reason.

 

Does that make it valid for men who don't "defend it above that of a real woman"? Whether you believe it or not, that does describe most users.

 

Most men infact do defend it over the real women. You see it time and time again. Here and in real life. It's a common occurance with most men.

 

 

I'm saying women, enlightened women, reject the stereotype that they are suppose to be sexually frigid because they reject the outdated notion that "good girls don't".

 

How does this have anything to do with the paragraphy you posted in response to this???? Porn creates whole new stereotypes. You can't logically and honestly think porn doesn't have stereotypes about how women are suppose to act and do to turn men on. Please.

 

 

By embracing their sexuality, instead of being frightened or threatened by porn.....

 

How about actually having sex? Last time I checked that would help someone brace sexuality instead of watching a fake movie of it. And seriously, I don't know if your for the amish country or what but women aren't frightened of sex. Considering how male dominated porn is male tastes and desires, its real easy for you to sit there and sprout crap about what should or shouldn't be accpeted by women. Have you ever been a woman and know what women need or want? What do you know about what women go through? not as much as women themselves.

 

 

 

 

they realize it's potential for stimulation, enjoyment, and yes, even education, and are embracing it's use more and more.

 

Yeah. Okay. The key to better relationships is watching more porn. OMG, you must really really love love love your porn. If men want women to be more sexual and comfortable. Setting up a whole fantasy world that is domianted by what men like and want women to be and look like with over inflated unreaslitc fantasy ideals, isn't going to make a woman feel more open. This isn't rocket science. You really want women to be more open and free? Try honestly being open to ways that get that to be that and to be more vunerable with their guy. Watching other women that you know your man is getting honry over and arent over the age of 25, in most cases, and expecting your womans sexuality and response to be more open with you seems pretty ignorant way to explore a woman's sexuality. And a pretty selfish as well.

 

So you can continue your pointless crusade to take society back to the dark ages

 

Who said anything about dark ages? I am all for women being sexually free and vunerable. However, one set of stereotypes is being traded in for another..We went from Purtanical to Pornified. Women aren't any more free. They are just trying hard to keep up with men's over inflated ideals of what they whished they had. That isn't progress. YOu fail to acknowledge this. It is easy for you because you dont have to face the same issues women do. You don't have to live up to any over inflated ideal of beauty. You don't have to sit there where the main focus is on the man and the things he lacks or doesn't lack that you don't or do have. Porn isn't freedom. It's another ste of stereotypes on the other side of the spectrum. It's men buying into what directors and other men who prostitute women out for money tell you is attractive.

 

Guess what? I agree with you again! Twice in one post who woulda thunk it. What you've described here is not casual use, however, at best it's abuse, at worst a full blown addiction. In fact, it's the litmus test that I use to determine if porn is a problem for any individual couple. If it is preferred to the real thing, that's a problem. If the sex life is just fine, it's not.

 

What i described is causual use. How many men have found themselves in the situations of sitting infront of their computers with their penis in their hand depsite having a wife/gf? How many in relationships do that? The minute she is unaviable you got to self satisfy yourself and use no self control? I am sure there are times when his partner is aviable and he just finds it easier to do it himself by himself. How many men actually like the variety of the images? You want to play it off like the only reason men use porn is a last resort..that's just not true. Men use it in tandem with their real life lives.

 

However, if you find yourself in a good, solid relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you, seeing the boogey man behind every x-rated picture or video is just irrational paranoia.

 

Wrong! It's natural. It's natural for men to be turned on by a simulation of sex of other attractive women in a movie. And it's natural for a woman to be threatened by her man choosing to watch other women in a simulation of sex that he obviously likes on some level. Does she actually think he is going to leave her ? Umm no. However, it is a natural threat when you see your man attractec to other women. Just as it's a natural for men to be turned on by other women. IT's 100% natural.

 

How many of your exes are exes because they decided not to put up with a paranoid control freak?

 

Again, you make assumptions that are rather ignorant. I do not like porn. I think men are selfish in their use of porn when they have ag irlfriend or wife. I think men are disrespecting women by looking at porn but I have NEVER told a agrown man he could or couldn't look at it. I however admit it lowers my opinion of him. Why shouldn't it? He doesn't care too much about respecting me, our reslationship or women in general.

[Mr. Lucky]

You failing to aknowledge how many men do infact look at porn, doesn't mean it isn't true either.

On some level, nothing his wife ever does will ever be enough.

I do agree that many men (and women ) "do infact look at porn", that is a true statement. But the step off the cliff edge you take in tying that into "nothing his wife does will ever be enough" is simply a projection of your own issues. And the fact that those issues may be very real and painful for you does not grant them universal application. So, for the 10th time, why not just be happy with applying your rules to your own life? Why the need to pass judgement on the rest of us?

 

Mr. Lucky

[sxyNYCcpl]

It is true. Alot of men do infact use porn in tandium with the real life relationships.

 

I agree. Alot of women too.

 

How many men say they use porn?

 

A significant majority. And a majority of those who deny it are lying.

 

How many men use it inbetween time with their partners or want to use with their parters?

 

Once again, a significant majority. Speaking for myself, I would not be interested in continuing a relationship with a woman who wouldn't, at least occasionally, indulge in some porn use. Then again, I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who expected monogamy.

 

Porn is a billion dollar industry. Many men use it in conjecture with the real life relationships they have established.

 

$10 Billion, actually, and growing rapidly. The fastest growing segment is women, btw.

 

No. I don't even understand how you got that from the statement I posted.

 

You implied that an image powerful enough to elicit erousal in a man was equally powerful to elicit a negative response in women. I maintain that for those with a healthy relationship with their own sexuality, that which is stimulating for men is equally stimulating for women.

 

Brainwashing will also make people think things are acceptable that aren't.

 

Which presumes you think the sexual acts commonly found in porn are unacceptable. I do not.

 

Most men infact do defend it over the real women. You see it time and time again. Here and in real life. It's a common occurance with most men.

 

Let me be clear. Any relationship where the man (or woman) would rather masterbate to porn than have sex with their partner is damaged. The porn may be the problem, or it could be just a symptom. OTOH, any relationship where porn use does not cause sexual problems is healthy.

 

How does this have anything to do with the paragraphy you posted in response to this???? Porn creates whole new stereotypes. You can't logically and honestly think porn doesn't have stereotypes about how women are suppose to act and do to turn men on. Please.

 

You are saying that women are, and should be, threatened by porn because it means their men don't really want them. I'm saying that enlightened women understand that porn is just a tool, a means to an end, and an end that is good for both men and women.

 

How about actually having sex? Last time I checked that would help someone brace sexuality instead of watching a fake movie of it.

 

I'm not saying don't actually have sex, quite the opposite, I'm saying do it and do it often. But there's nothing wrong with including a little porn along with it.

 

Considering how male dominated porn is male tastes and desires, its real easy for you to sit there and sprout crap about what should or shouldn't be accpeted by women.

 

This is a continuing theme with you. That porn caters to male fantasys and ignores what women want. Unfortunately, you've cast too wide a net as porn is way too diversivied to be covered by any universal statement. What kind of porn do you mean?

 

I've said myself I prefer amateur porn for the very reason that you are objecting to.

 

OMG, you must really really love love love your porn.

 

I like porn. I wouldn't say I love it. It's entertaining, not unlike football. As I've said previously, if I never saw porn again it probably wouldn't bother me, but I'll never grant anyone, man, woman, or otherwise, the authority to tell me I can't. It's not about porn, it's about being in charge of me.

 

Setting up a whole fantasy world that is domianted by what men like and want women to be and look like with over inflated unreaslitc fantasy ideals, isn't going to make a woman feel more open.

 

You're assuming what men want from their sexuality is naturally different from want women want. I reject that philosophy. It's only different for those who buy into the "good girls don't" theory of sexuality.

 

Who said anything about dark ages? I am all for women being sexually free and vunerable.

 

Clearly not.

 

However, one set of stereotypes is being traded in for another..We went from Purtanical to Pornified. Women aren't any more free. They are just trying hard to keep up with men's over inflated ideals of what they whished they had.

 

You're right to a certain extent. Men want what they want. In days gone by, they couldn't have it. Now they can. Women who won't provide it will be left out in the cold. Which is as it should be, considering that women and men want the same thing when they ignore the prudishness that they've been taught.

 

That isn't progress.

 

It most certainly is, for men AND women.

 

What i described is causual use. How many men have found themselves in the situations of sitting infront of their computers with their penis in their hand depsite having a wife/gf?

 

All of them. The question is how many prefer the computer and the hand over the real women. Those who do have a problem (which may be related to porn, or may have deeper implications about the relationship), those who don't, don't.

 

How many men actually like the variety of the images?

 

All of them. And women who don't deny their own sexuality feel the same.

 

Men use it in tandem with their real life lives.

 

Exactly. Liking porn does not mean disliking ones partner. You just made my point for me.

 

Wrong! It's natural. It's natural for men to be turned on by a simulation of sex of other attractive women in a movie.

 

And it's natural for women to feel the same.

 

Does she actually think he is going to leave her ? Umm no. However, it is a natural threat when you see your man attractec to other women.

 

All men, just as all women, are naturally attracted to others. It doesn't mean that they are rejecting their partner.

[soserious1]

Originally Posted by sxyNYCcpl

 

""You're right to a certain extent. Men want what they want. In days gone by, they couldn't have it. Now they can. Women who won't provide it will be left out in the cold. Which is as it should be, considering that women and men want the same thing when they ignore the prudishness that they've been taught.""

 

I got no problem with that except for the part where he left me standing out in the cold shivering because he's getting so many of my assets I can't afford heat.

 

It is indeed a man's world, my ex wanted the freedom to bang young pornalized babes and he got it,along with half my paycheck every week.

[annieo]

You're right to a certain extent. Men want what they want. In days gone by, they couldn't have it. Now they can. Women who won't provide it will be left out in the cold. Which is as it should be, considering that women and men want the same thing when they ignore the prudishness that they've been taught.

 

I've got a bit of a problem with this one. One of the main appeals of porn is multiple women, variety, an internet fantasy harem of images. How the hell can I provide that? I'm only one woman.

 

I suppose I could wear wigs, adopt accents, dress up (OK, I've done that), try different and unusual things (done that, too), but it's still just me. I can only be one person, and in that way no woman will never be able to "keep up" with porn or strip clubs.

 

I used to watch porn now and then (and I know my h still does) but lately, I just don't have the desire for it. I think what has really killed it for me is thinking of the women involved as someone's daughter, sister, loved one. And thinking about what made them end up there, doing that for a living. If I wouldn't want it for my daughter, for me, then what the hell am I doing watching it, getting off to it. Just seems a little cold, selfish, wrong.

 

I think if men started thinking about it this way, it might kill it for them as well. But I don't expect that many men will, because it would ruin the fun.

[sxyNYCcpl]

I've got a bit of a problem with this one. One of the main appeals of porn is multiple women, variety, an internet fantasy harem of images. How the hell can I provide that? I'm only one woman.

 

Obviously, you can't. You could choose to allow you and your SO to participate in sexual activities with other people, but I wasn't talking about anything quite so grand.

 

I was talking about little things. Grooming. Actually initiating sex, and dare I say enjoying it. Dressing sexy. Being naughty for your lover. Perhaps you already doing the kinds of things I had in mind, indeed many, many women are.

 

I suppose I could wear wigs, adopt accents, dress up (OK, I've done that), try different and unusual things (done that, too), but it's still just me. I can only be one person, and in that way no woman will never be able to "keep up" with porn or strip clubs.

 

I like your ideas! The only area you "can't keep up" is the fact that you're only one person, which you can't help of course.

 

I used to watch porn now and then (and I know my h still does) but lately, I just don't have the desire for it. I think what has really killed it for me is thinking of the women involved as someone's daughter, sister, loved one. And thinking about what made them end up there, doing that for a living. If I wouldn't want it for my daughter, for me, then what the hell am I doing watching it, getting off to it. Just seems a little cold, selfish, wrong.

 

For that to bother you, you must presume that the actors and actresses don't want to be there. Some probably don't, indeed I've seen porn where it's obvious (which is yet another reason I prefer amateur porn). For those that want to be there, feeling bad for them isn't justified.

 

I think if men started thinking about it this way, it might kill it for them as well. But I don't expect that many men will, because it would ruin the fun.

 

In fairness, I don't consider whether or not the actors and actresses want to be there when I'm watching CSI either.

[Jersey Shortie]

I do agree that many men (and women ) "do infact look at porn", that is a true statement. But the step off the cliff edge you take in tying that into "nothing his wife does will ever be enough" is simply a projection of your own issues. And the fact that those issues may be very real and painful for you does not grant them universal application. So, for the 10th time, why not just be happy with applying your rules to your own life? Why the need to pass judgement on the rest of us?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Some women do look at porn, but not to the degree and time and in the same way men do. Women don't interchange men the same way men do so to women.

 

This isn't about me projecting anything. I am being honest about how men are today. I am going by the substanial evidence most men prove is true everyday.There is no point in even trying with men anymore because men don't really want to try themselves. And it's obvious in their lazy, self invovled porn use that no one woman will ever be able to compete with. The message: Women are interchangable, only good for sex and other thigns like their kindness, heart and caring will never beat out 18 year olds engaging in dirty sex. These is the messages I have learned from men.

 

As for passing judgment, please spare me this speach Mr. Lucky. You are full of your own judgments. This post included where you at the same time attempt to lecture me about mine. I have judgements like everyone else and an entitled to them. And in my judgement, men are more concerned with their porn use then real women now-a-days. I have learned that most men don't have much concern or respect for women and the only think men truely want os a new set of t&A to entertain over anything real. Men defend porn and clearly have a closer tie to it then they care to admit to themselves.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sxy, you've avoided and twisted around my comments to suite your own purpose. I get your message loud and clear. Don't worry. It's the same message I get from most men. And it's not a very promising one that treats women with value. You are not interested in understanding the other side, only promoting yoru own agenda..which isn't even about sex or women. It's about porn of all things. Men are better then women. Men rule the world and women are nothing but intertchangable sex dolls of little worth and value. Even when you have a man in yoru life, he justs more and mroe and more and is NEVER happy. We get it. Men are better. Women are crap.

 

 

I was talking about little things. Grooming. Actually initiating sex, and dare I say enjoying it. Dressing sexy. Being naughty for your lover. Perhaps you already doing the kinds of things I had in mind, indeed many, many women are

 

There is no point in doing any of these things. No matter how much yo u groom yoruself, iniate sex, dress sexy, a man will always turn his head for the next possible aviable option in real life or through a media screen. No point in attempting to try these thigns with your man because he doesn't care, certainly isn't appreciated, and is only interested in the next new girl that he can pleasure himself too, while he adds you to the list to indulge.

 

 

I like your ideas! The only area you "can't keep up" is the fact that you're only one person, which you can't help of course.

 

 

And what do men do inturn to keep things exciting for their partern? Most men certainly arne't dressing up and wearing different wigs so that their wives/gfs can pretend they are someone else while they are banging them. What exactly do men do for women?

 

I just give up with men. There is no point. Men are never happy and so many men say porn isn't important but rally for it and need to use it in conjecture with their real life relationships that real women should just throw in the towel. Our needs and wants apparently hold little value and concern for men's needs with porn.

[soserious1]

Jersey,

 

The best answer I've seen yet to this whole situation is to adopt an attitude of acceptance, accept that men are hard wired to be primarily attracted to young women, acceopt that they're going to want to look at and sleep with as many

of these young women as they can manage.Also accept that many times your sex with him will not be about you but will rather be merely a release for him, a release of sexual energy he's built up for other women. Don't even bother your mind asking about a guy's porn viewing habits, just accept as a given that if he's male he watches and yes that while he's doing you chances are good he's really thinking about doing your sister, the new gal at his job or the bouncy co-eds he saw while driving to work. Accept that after you've been with him for awhile that sex will rarely be about his desire for you specifically.

 

 

There's a flip side here though... a silver lining to the cloud, accepting all of the above also means giving yourself permission to pull back a bit, give LESS, save some of your energy,time,love and money for yourself. He can figure out how to subscribe to a porn site? he can also figure out how to run the washer and dryer when his clothing is dirty. He can figure out how to get to the strip club, he can figure out how to pay for lap dances? Good news, he can also figure out how to find and pay for a CNA to help his elderly parents.The other piece of good news? if you are turned on by receiving compliments and attention from other men, then you are free to dress as you'd like,to flirt when complimented, no need to worry anymore that your boyfriend will get mad that your shirt is too tight while he's sitting ogling other women wearing the same shirt.

 

He's a big boy and can manage his sexuality without imput or censorship from you, well he's a big boy in all other areas of his life as well, he can also figure out how to get his needs for clean laundry,hot meals, a clean house, errand running and all the other mundane stuff without help or imput from you as well.This doesn't mean you need to be cruel, mean or nasty, it does mean you set up appropriate boundaries and don't divert precious resources you could use on yourself towards meeting needs that are the responsiblity of an adult man to meet for himself.Don't put yourself dead last in order to make another capable adult your first priority.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Some women do look at porn, but not to the degree and time and in the same way men do.

 

Oh. I see. Men are not capable of using it in a "healthy" way like women do. Your bias is showing.

 

Women don't interchange men the same way men do so to women.

 

Watching movies does not amount to interchanging.

 

There is no point in even trying with men anymore because men don't really want to try themselves. And it's obvious in their lazy, self invovled porn use that no one woman will ever be able to compete with.

 

And there is the heart of your problem. You view porn as competition. It's not. The real competition is women who have a healthy relationship with their sexuality because they keep their men happy, not frustrated.

 

And in my judgement, men are more concerned with their porn use then real women now-a-days. I have learned that most men don't have much concern or respect for women and the only think men truely want os a new set of t&A to entertain over anything real.

 

Then you've been around some real losers.

 

Men are better then women. Men rule the world and women are nothing but intertchangable sex dolls of little worth and value. Even when you have a man in yoru life, he justs more and mroe and more and is NEVER happy. We get it. Men are better. Women are crap.

 

Wow. Perhaps some therapy might be in order. Or you could go lesbo and not have to ever worry about it again. Of course, what will you say when you discover that a good deal of the women you'd be dating like porn too?

 

No matter how much yo u groom yoruself, iniate sex, dress sexy, a man will always turn his head for the next possible aviable option in real life or through a media screen.

 

So give up. You're right, you are not going to find a man that doesn't look when he sees an attractive woman. Not in the human realm anyway.

 

No point in attempting to try these thigns with your man because he doesn't care, certainly isn't appreciated, and is only interested in the next new girl that he can pleasure himself too, while he adds you to the list to indulge.

 

You're making leaps of logic that are too fantastical to even address.

 

And what do men do inturn to keep things exciting for their partern? Most men certainly arne't dressing up and wearing different wigs so that their wives/gfs can pretend they are someone else while they are banging them. What exactly do men do for women?

 

I don't speak for "men", but for myself, anything she'd like me to do. There is only a very short list of things I'd refuse, and I'd be shocked if her list was any different than mine.

 

I just give up with men. There is no point.

 

Problem solved.

[soserious1]

I don't expect nor do I want monogamy, I don't want to hear promises of loyalty or any utterances about feelings, that's all BS anyway, why force a guy to tell lies? Monogamy is a sham and isn't worth all the things you've got to give up to pursue it as a lifestyle.

 

Of all the things in a life that one can regret, the choice I regret most is that of being a faithful,loyal supportive wife. My life would have been a lot happier, cost me less all the way around if I'd just aspired to being a cheap easy slut.

[Jersey Shortie]

Oh. I see. Men are not capable of using it in a "healthy" way like women do. Your bias is showing.

 

Ummm, I NEVER said women were capable of using porn in a healthy way. I think it's unhealthy whether it's a man or woman. Stop twisting my words around.

 

 

And there is the heart of your problem. You view porn as competition. It's not. The real competition is women who have a healthy relationship with their sexuality because they keep their men happy, not frustrated.

 

And for a man to not be frustrated he has to be able to view porn? I'm sorry but your assumption that someone can only have a healthy look on sexuality is proved their their acceptance of porn isn't correct.

 

 

Or you could go lesbo and not have to ever worry about it again.

 

 

I wish I was a lesbo! Things would be much more easy. I love men. I just wish they cared more.

[sxyNYCcpl]

And for a man to not be frustrated he has to be able to view porn? I'm sorry but your assumption that someone can only have a healthy look on sexuality is proved their their acceptance of porn isn't correct.

 

Look at it this way. Take Bob. Bob is not a real person, but let's play pretend.

 

Bob's a single guy, but he's at that age that it might be time to get serious about a long term relationship. There are two women that find Bob attractive, so he has a choice to make.

 

Woman #1: Hates porn, and would absolutely flip out if he even so much as watches movies that have a topless woman in them, even went so far as to complain about the bikinis in womans beach volleyball during the Olympics. She's not real big on sex at all, maybe once a month. No variety, missionary only, lights off, and no oral sex or other what she calls "perverted" practices.

 

Then there's woman #2. She loves sex, would do it every single day if circumstances would allow. Not only is she okay with porn, she likes watching it with her partner, and even trying to act out some of the scenes in her real bedroom. No hangups about oral or facials or whatever... she's up for (almost) anything.

 

Which of these two women do you suppose Bob is going to choose? (This should not be taken as an endorsement of utilizing sexual criteria as the only ones when selecting a mate, lets assume for purposes of argument that besides the stark contrast I've outlined here, the women are very similar to each other in other areas Bob may care about.)

[soserious1]

Look at it this way. Take Bob. Bob is not a real person, but let's play pretend.

 

Bob's a single guy, but he's at that age that it might be time to get serious about a long term relationship. There are two women that find Bob attractive, so he has a choice to make.

 

Woman #1: Hates porn, and would absolutely flip out if he even so much as watches movies that have a topless woman in them, even went so far as to complain about the bikinis in womans beach volleyball during the Olympics. She's not real big on sex at all, maybe once a month. No variety, missionary only, lights off, and no oral sex or other what she calls "perverted" practices.

 

Then there's woman #2. She loves sex, would do it every single day if circumstances would allow. Not only is she okay with porn, she likes watching it with her partner, and even trying to act out some of the scenes in her real bedroom. No hangups about oral or facials or whatever... she's up for (almost) anything.

 

Which of these two women do you suppose Bob is going to choose? (This should not be taken as an endorsement of utilizing sexual criteria as the only ones when selecting a mate, lets assume for purposes of argument that besides the stark contrast I've outlined here, the women are very similar to each other in other areas Bob may care about.)

 

 

So a woman either is totally down with porn, anal, facials and not only is cool with them but loves those practices and begs Bob for them or she's a cold prude who will only have sex once a month in the dark with her clothes on, I think the comparison is more than a bit biased.

[sxyNYCcpl]

So a woman either is totally down with porn, anal, facials and not only is cool with them but loves those practices and begs Bob for them or she's a cold prude who will only have sex once a month in the dark with her clothes on, I think the comparison is more than a bit biased.

 

Is it not reasonable to assume that a woman who likes porn would also be more open as far as the acts shes willing to perform? Or that a woman who has an (almost) anything goes attitude about sex would be open to watching movies about it?